Rima's Yellow Butterfly
by xXLostDreamsXx
Summary: After Rima receives devastating news that changes her outlook on life, who's the person that shows her what it means to live again? Rimahiko.
1. Festivals, snacks, and headaches?

**So this is my first fanfiction ever! I hope you enjoy it! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara or any of the characters that I use.**

* * *

" So then it is decided?" Tadase asked after looking over a list of things that needed to be bought.

"YESH!!" Yaya exclaimed.

"Okay," Amu chirped.

"Sounds good to me," Nagihiko replied.

"Whatever," I said in a bored voice, sipping on tea.

It was a normal day at the guardians' meeting in the Royal Garden. I observed the guardians that

surrounded me. Tadase was arguing with Kiseki, his shugo chara, about the items needed for the back-to-school festival that would happen in two weeks.

"We need many balloons! And streamers! And lights! We need to show these commoners the way that a king can plan and decorate a lavish festival!!" Kiseki proclaimed, laughing maniacally.

"But Kiseki," started Tadase, looking over the list yet again, "we have to think about the budget that we have and the other things that we still need. And besides, what's so lavish about a back-to-school festival?"

Yaya was busy scarfing down on cookies and cakes like there was no tomorrow. I was amazed at how many sweets this person could eat and still NOT be over-weight. I was reminded very much of a certain character in the anime series, _Death Note_, except this person was much, much, MUCH hyper when given candy, and rather use her brain to annoy others rather than catch criminals.

Amu and Nagihiko were talking about I don't know what and laughing. I felt a faint, familiar feeling of jealousy while watching these two. I considered Amu to be my best friend, after everything she helped me through when I first moved here to Seiyo Elementary and when Nagihiko suddenly joined the picture, I felt like I was being replaced. Amu assured me that this was not the case and that I was her best friend, but still, I didn't like the feeling those two gave when they were together.

And then there was Nagihiko. There was something about him that I didn't like. When I first met him, I acted mean and cold to him but these days, I was merely indifferent. He would still act nice to me, but then again, he acts nice to everyone! I guess it was his personality that got to me, being able to be so friendly and get along with everyone, ugh. And his hair! A boy's hair should not be more luscious than mine!

"Now all we need to do is decide who is going to go with who so that we can buy all the items in time." Tadase said. "I asked Kukai to come and help us so that we could go in pairs-"

"Kukai is coming?!!" Yaya asked excitedly. "Yaya is so happy!!"

"Well then, I guess you can go with Kukai, Yaya-chan" Tadase replied, smiling. "Umm…Amu?"

"Umm..yea?" She asked, suddenly blushing.

"…Do you want to go with me shopping tomorrow then to get the other set of supplies we need?" He asked shyly, blushing too.

"O-Oh! Umm, yea sure, sounds cool." She answered, turning away, regaining some of her cool and spicy attitude known throughout the whole school, although I could still see a faint blush playing on her cheeks. Which meant…

"Looks like it's just you and me then, Rima-chan," Nagihiko stated, smiling at me.

Damn. "I guess if I have to." I replied nonchalantly, looking away. It's just shopping, I thought, but still, why is this all of a sudden starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable? Oh well, at least I can make him carry the bags since he's so nice and all.

"I guess that's all for today then." Tadase concluded, starting to organize papers.

"Yay!! Yaya can go home now and eat more sweets now!!""

"Umm..Yaya you already ate almost all the sweets here." Amu said, sweatdropping.

"That's not compared to what Yaya usually eats!!" She bursted.

Yea, I don't even want to know, I thought. All that I wanted to do right now was to go home and curl up in my sofa to watch my favorite comedy shows on TV. Recently I've been noticing that I've been feeling more tired than usual lately and today was no exception. It was probably because of the guardian meetings and the fights that my parents usually had.

I sighed as I picked up my school bag and I felt Kusukusu come up to me and exclaim happily, "Let's go home Rima before we miss our favorite shows!"

"Okay." I replied smiling at her, before I ran off to see who would be the one picking me up from school today.

Yea, that was probably it.

* * *

"It's your fault that you were late to work today!!"

"No!! It's your fault because it was your turn to leave Rima at school today and I had to be the one to leave her instead!"

The clamor caused by my parents continued on downstairs while I remained curled up in a ball in my bed.

"Rima..." Kusukusu said softly, looking worriedly at me.

But it wasn't what was happening downstairs that was causing me to have such noticeable pain.

I clutched my head with my hands and cried out, as I felt as though my head was going to split in half.

"Rima…let's go tell your parents!" She said hurriedly, pulling on my sleeve, trying to drag me to the door.

"No!" I cried out, shaking her off. I cried silently as I waited for the pain to pass, lying down on my bed, still holding my head between my hands. I really didn't want to be more of a burden by complaining to my parents about a simple headache. Although I had to admit it wasn't as simple as I thought anymore. Just as I've been feeling more tired recently, I've also started to get these annoying headaches. But it wasn't like normal headaches where one could usually ignore it. It was such agonizing headaches up to the point where I couldn't even figure out what was going on around me and all I could do was clutch my head and pray for it to be all over. Usually they happened at night and during the times my parents fought so I was able to cry all that I wanted without being heard. But I knew this couldn't go on forever. I didn't know what to do anymore.

"It's okay Kusukusu, don't worry, I'm okay." I said, through cries of pain.

Kusukusu continued to look worriedly at me, but then I felt her cover me with a blanket near me.

"Thank you." I said, giving her a small, pained smile. I closed my eyes, and with my hands still clutching my head, I tried to fall into that deep unconsciousness where I could escape the pain known as sleep.

"Rima…" was the last thing I heard Kusukusu say before I felt engulfed by total blackness.

**

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**

I hope you enjoyed it and thought it wasn't that bad _ Believe it or not, this is actually my first piece of written work where it wasn't required or something, like essays for school, college applications, scholarships, research papers, etc xD These two weeks I'll update pretty fast, but after I move in and start college, I won't be able to so much. But for now, I will :)

I'm going to try really hard to not make the characters ooc so hopefully in this first chapter they weren't xD


	2. The way his hair smells

**Here's a new chapter for you guys! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara or any of its characters.**

* * *

I felt my eyes fluttering open as soon as I felt something warm and bright hitting my face so suddenly. I sat up and saw that it was the early morning sun's rays that were now illuminating many different parts of my room. I yawned and rubbed my eyes, my mind not very clear on what had happened last night.

"Rima, how are you feeling today?" Kusukusu asked concerned, flying up to me.

"I'm fine," I replied with a small smile directed at her.

"I'm so glad Rima!" Kusukusu exclaimed happily.

I gave a little giggle but as soon as Kusukusu flew away I couldn't help but begin worrying again. What if the headaches kept on returning? I knew I couldn't keep on tolerating them any longer without at least telling someone. And what if they didn't just happened at night but started happening during the day, such as during school? I could imagine it already, as I pictured myself clutching my head and crying out loudly right in the middle of class, and Amu and the rest of my classmates would be looking at me confused, probably wondering if I was having an exorcism or something.

I got up from my bed and started to get ready for school. No, it just couldn't happen again. It wouldn't.

* * *

After school, the guardians and I have decided to meet at a nearby park so that we could all begin shopping for the supplies for the festival.

I was glad that everything went all right at school and that no headaches crept up on me. I wasn't even feeling as tired as usual which helped me put me in at least a little bit of a good mood for the shopping trip I had to endure with Nagihiko. I didn't want him to think I was a wuss that couldn't even handle a single little shopping chore.

"Yo!" Kukai called out as he was running to us. "Sorry I was a bit late; coach wanted us to do a few extra drills on soccer practice."

"Kukai!!!" Yaya cried out, rushing to hug him. "Yaya thought she was going to go shopping all by herself! And its no fun shopping alone cause its boring!!"

Kukai laughed as he ruffled her hair. "Well, I'm here now. Shall we get this show on the road then guys?"

"Okay, so then we'll all meet here at 6:00 then?" Tadase asked.

"Yes!"

"Okay!"

"Sure!"

"Whatever"

I watched as Amu and Tadase started walking in one direction, both clearly blushing and looking away. Kukai and Yaya started walking in another, Yaya babbling away about how they should buy more sweets than the ones listed on the list.

"Shall we go then, Rima-chan?"

I turned to find Nagihiko smiling sweetly at me, ugh.

"Fine," I replied, "but you're going to carry all the bags."

"Sounds good to me," he said, laughing.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. We didn't talk that much except when he would ask for my opinion on some stuff which I would then reply with a yes, no, or I don't care. He did carry all the bags as promised, but they weren't a lot so I didn't feel bad. I probably wouldn't have carried some anyway if there were a lot. He seemed perfectly fine anyhow, with a content expression on his face. Weirdo.

We were in this little store and Nagihiko was looking at some balloons when I felt it. It wasn't bad at first but I knew this is how it started. I could feel a dull ache starting in my head but I knew it wouldn't be long before the pain would become excruciating and I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything surrounding me anymore. I started panicking and looked around us. There were many people here and I didn't want to make a scene when I started crying out in pain. I looked back at Nagihiko, who was now looking at the list.

"We only need a few more things so -"

"I'm tired. I want to sit in a bench." I interrupted. I thought that would be the best thing right now compared to being in this little store with so many people around us.

He turned away from the list to look down at me. "Okay," he replied with a smile, "how about we just go to one more store and then we can- "

"No! I want to sit in a bench now!" I exclaimed firmly.

"Oh! Umm…sure," he said, looking a little bit startled.

We went to nearby bench and I made sure to sit down as far away from him as possible. I rested my head with one hand and my elbow on the armrest, making it seem like I was getting bored by all of this. My headache seemed to be getting worse and I knew I didn't have much time before the pain really hit. I clutched my head with both my hands as I felt agonizing pain taking over me. I couldn't take it anymore and out of the corner of my eye, I looked over where Nagihiko was sitting. He was busy looking over the receipts from the stores and I wondered, would he notice? Oh who cared right now! I had to get out of here!

Standing up quickly, I started running blindly with both hands still on my head, somewhere, anywhere where I could wallow in my own agony alone.

"Rima-chan!" I heard him shout out, but I kept on running, running, until I simply had to stop because the pain had become unbearable now. I sat down behind some trashcans in an alleyway between two houses and I started crying as quiet as I could. I clutched my head and I called out softly through the pain, "Kusukusu, it hurts, it really hurts." But I knew Kusukusu wouldn't come right now since she was in her own meeting with all the shugo charas, of all the days it had to be today!

I drew in ragged breaths and I closed my eyes, hoping for the pain to be over soon. "Rima-chan!" I suddenly heard throughout the streets. Damn! Nagihiko had followed me? Luck really was not on my side today. I heard him come closer and I bit my lip to keep from making noise. I felt him pass by the alleyway and I probably wouldn't have been noticed when I suddenly felt a painful stab in my head, causing me to cry out loud.

"Rima-chan!" he cried out when he found me curled up in a ball behind the trashcans.

"Leave me alone!" I exclaimed, still clutching my head and tears rolling down my face.

He knelt down before me and I met his usually cheerful, big, brown eyes which were now filled with worry. "Are you okay Rima-chan?"

"It hurts! My head really hurts!" I cried, not thinking clearly anymore.

"Rima-chan! Why didn't you say before?" he said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Come on! Let's go to a hospital or if you want, I can have my family doctor have a look at you."

"No!" I screamed, brushing his hand off. "I can't! This…isn't as bad as others."

"Bad as others…" he said softly, "Wait, you had these headaches before already? Have you told someone?" he asked, this time his voice containing a hint of accusation.

"Please!" I kept on screaming, kicking a trashcan. "Just leave me alone, please…just leave me alone."

I opened my eyes and saw that he was still knelt in front of me, his eyes still full of worry. I closed my eyes again and I leaned against a trashcan, crying softly and hoping that he would leave soon. After a moment I heard him stand up and a wave of relief overcame me in between my pain. But as soon as it came, it was over just as I suddenly felt him sit down next to me and his arm around me, pulling me towards him.

"At least don't lean on the trashcan," he muttered.

Amazingly, I found myself not caring that I was so close to him just as long as the pain went away. But still, I couldn't help feeling a little bit uncomfortable. With my eyes still closed, I tried to suppress my tears, although every now and then a cry of pain would escape from my lips. Nagihiko was surprisingly quiet and I was kind of glad, although now I began to worry what to say to him after my headache went away. I didn't want to think how awkward it was going to be and instead focused on taking slow, deep breaths. I felt myself entering into some sort of stillness, where I could somehow tolerate the pain and not think about anything else. It was kind of peaceful, actually.

* * *

I woke up a while later, disorientated. I was just about to call out to Kusukusu when I noticed that I wasn't in my room. Memories of what had happened earlier suddenly rushed through me and I found myself still leaning against Nagihiko, his arm still around me.

I quickly broke away from him, blushing and Nagihiko laughed softly.

"I see we are awake now." He said, but then I saw his eyes turn serious. Oh no, I thought, I didn't want to say anything to him about what had happened just now.

I tried standing up quickly but I felt suddenly dizzy and I felt an arm around my waist before I hit the floor. I grabbed onto him, and waited until the world stopped spinning. I closed my eyes, and still blushing I wondered oh why, why was this happening to me? And to all the people, to him. I would have been okay if I was with Amu, maybe even Kukai, or Tadase, or Yaya. But instead, I found myself with Nagihiko's arm around me, being closer to him than I ever would have wanted.

As soon as I felt the world in balance, I broke away from him again, and looking down at the floor, I muttered, "Thanks."

"No problem" He replied. "Rima-chan…" he started and I looked up at him, saw his eyes full of worry and concern. I could feel a speech full of sympathy and right now, the last thing that I wanted was to hear how sorry he felt for me and from him! I couldn't stomach it right now.

"Stop!" I exclaimed. "If you…" I started, looking down again. "If you tell anyone about this,

I-I'll make sure that when I'm through with you, not even remains of you will be found!" I ended angrily, looking up at him.

"Rima-chan!" he said, taken back.

"A-And," I continued, blushing again at what I had just said, "Y-You can just finish the shopping yourself!"

I turned around and walked as fast as I could to my house, hoping he didn't follow. Thankfully he didn't.

* * *

"Rima! Let's play a game right now!" Kukukusu cried out happily.

"Not tonight Kususu," I said while brushing my hair in front of the mirror. "I'm feeling a little bit tired right now."

Ever since I got home, I couldn't help but keep on worrying about what had happened today. I hoped Nagihiko didn't tell everyone when they met at the park again about what had happened. He couldn't! Hopefully he made up something and said I got bored of shopping or something. He knew what would happen if he did! Although I wondered now if that was even possible. Eh, I could always tell my fanboys to take care of him if he did spill the beans.

But…still, I didn't like the fact Nagihiko had seen me in that state today. I was already smaller than most of the kids my age, I didn't want to appear like a cry baby either. And when I leaned into him! Now that was horrible and embarrassing! Although…I had to admit, his warm body next to me had felt somehow reassuring…like I wasn't alone to endure the pain.

"His hair smelled nice too," I found myself saying out loud.

"Whose hair smelled nice, Rima?" Kusukusu asked curiously.

"Oh! Um...Nobody's!!" I said, blushing at what I had just blurted out loud and started brushing my hair faster.

"Hehehehe!" Kusukusu laughed.

Damn. Why am I even thinking about how nice his hair smells? Although it did smelled nice…I wonder what kind of shampoo he uses. Argh! Focus Rima!

I finished brushing my hair and stared back at my reflection, my cheeks still faintly pink.

If he values his life, he better not tell!

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**I hoped you guys enjoyed it! :) Like I said before, I will try to update pretty fast these 2 weeks but once I leave for college, I'll update every once in a while ^^**


	3. I Don't Stare!

**So here's a new chapter! :D This and the next chapter were originally one but I figured that it was too long so I split it into two separate ones haha xD **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara or any of its characters.**

* * *

He didn't. Or at least, I mean, up to now he hasn't told anyone about what had happened yesterday on our shopping trip. Today at school I was anxious, waiting for Amu to scold at me for not having her told such a thing, but instead she talked to me regularly and all that she mentioned concerning the matter was asking if I went home yesterday. Of course I got a confused look in my face and I answered yes, wondering what had Nagihiko had told them.

Nagihiko…everytime I thought about him now made me feel a little bit uneasy. Too close! He was too close to me yesterday!

As I walked with Amu and Tadase to the Royal Garden after school, I started to become more nervous. Would he tell now that I was here too? No he couldn't! I could already imagine everyone's concerned faces staring at me and asking unnecessary questions that weren't any of their business. I was fine. I was perfectly fine. What did he know anyway?

When I walked into the garden, I went straight to my chair and avoided looking at Nagihiko directly. I could feel him regarding me closely which caused me to feel even MORE nervous and I started fidgeting with the hem of my skirt, staring hard at a flower nearby.

"Huh? Yaya didn't know Rima-tan likes to have staring contests with flowers!" Yaya exclaimed.

"Um-what?! I don't like having staring contests with flowers, I don't even like flowers!" I found myself yammering.

"All right! Yaya now challenges this flower to a staring battle royale!" Yaya continued on ignoring me, staring deeply into another flower nearby.

"Yaya-chan, you can't have staring contests with flowers." Tadase said, smiling, while Amu with a bewildered smile on her face asked, "b-battle royale?"

"Buuuuuut, Rima-chan was having a staring battle with a flower, why can't Yaya?" Yaya complained.

"I said I don't like-I mean I don't have staring contests with flowers!" I stammered, trying not to meet Nagihiko's eyes. He chuckled and I decided not to stare at a flower again, or any other object for more than 10 seconds without having Yaya thinking it was some sort of staring battle royale.

* * *

"Yaya is so bored! Why can't we have more fun field trips like yesterday?!" she cried, as she pushed papers away from her.

We were reviewing some documents and I was glad that no one had brought up my sudden disappearance from the shopping trip yesterday. That is until –

"Oh yea, what happened yesterday, Rima-tan? That's mean of you, leaving without saying goodbye to Yaya!" she exclaimed.

Crap. "Umm…well you see-" I started but I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what Nagihiko had told them and if I told something else, then that would look suspicious.

"I had lots of chores to do at home?" I tried, hoping it was the right answer.

"Oh okay! I was wondering if you went home yesterday because after we finished shopping, Nagihiko had said that you had gone to the bathroom and never came back." Amu said.

"What?!" I blurted. Couldn't he have come up with a better excuse than that?! He must really love making my life miserable.

"Huh?" Amu questioned with a confused look on her face.

"Uh, yea, I went to the bathroom and I remembered that I still had lots of chores that I had to do at home so I left without saying goodbye…" I replied weakly.

" Yaya was thinking that the toilet monster had gotten you!" Yaya exclaimed.

"Toilet monster?" asked Tadase, sweatdropping.

"Yes! Yaya's cousin had told her about this scary toilet monster that he once saw one night and how it had many tentacles and how it almost choked him with them!" She cried, putting her hand up to her neck for dramatic effect.

"Um, aren't you sure it wasn't just the toilet paper?" Amu asked.

"Yes! Yaya is very sure! Yaya is very careful about going to the bathroom now!"

"Um, no Yaya, no toilet monsters attacked me." I said, trying to keep my anger invisible.

I found myself glaring at Nagihiko but he turned away, clearly smirking.

"Yes, I was thinking about going and looking for Rima-chan but she was already mad about going shopping with me, I thought I should let her take her own sweet time but I didn't know she would be mean enough to leave." Nagihiko said innocently, still not looking at me.

"You…" I muttered, trying to keep my voice as calm as possible.

He finally met my eyes and I saw that he had a teasing look in them. Fine, I thought, two can play at that game.

"That's true that I left early but only because I had to save all the energy that I had left for my endless chores at home. I was the one that had to carry all the bags because Nagihiko was too busy finding the items on the list and since I'm so small, I got really tired and I still had to do my chores." I whimpered.

"Wow, is that true Nagihiko?!" Amu asked, shocked.

"Of course not!" He replied, shocked as well. He frowned angrily at me and I tried hard to keep from laughing. Instead, I continued with my sob story.

"Believe what you want to believe," I sniffed, "It was miracle that he held the bags while I went quickly to the bathroom. I remembered then about my chores and I left fast before he could make me hold all the bags again."

"Nagi you're mean for making poor Rima-tan hold all those heavy bags!" Yaya scolded, pointing a finger at him.

"That's not like you," Amu contributed.

"But, that isn't true!" he stated.

He glared at me and I happily glared back. If only looks could kill.

"Um, how about we end the meeting for today?" Tadase said, laughing nervously.

"Sounds good to me," replied Nagihiko, turning away and looking annoyed.

I bit my lip to keep from laughing out loud. Oh how fun it was making him get angry!

"Rima, since the meeting ended early do you want to go get some ice cream?" Amu asked smiling, as she got her belongings. "It's been a while since we hanged out."

I smiled at the thought of eating ice cream and hanging out with Amu but I didn't think my parents would let me unless I told them a day earlier and seeing who would be dropping me off and stuff. Plus, I was beginning to feel tired and a nap was sounding really inviting.

"I'm sorry but I can't today." I replied

"But Yaya can!" She blurted out. "Oh wait, Yaya promised she would take care of her little brother today." She ended with a disappointed look on her face. "Yaya is trying hard to be a big sister now!"

"Aww, really?" Amu spoke with a disappointed look as well. "Well, how about you Nagihiko?"

"I'm really sorry Amu-chan, I have things to take care of," he responded.

"Awww, well…how about you Tadase?" Amu asked with a pink tinge on her cheeks.

"Um, yea I think I can today," Tadase replied, slightly blushing as well.

Those two lovebirds really need to get over with it and just say how they feel about each other. Tweet tweet.

I was the last one to leave as I gathered my belongings and was walking out of the royal garden with Kusukusu floating beside me. As I was taking out my cellphone to call my mom to pick me up, I suddenly felt a hand grip my free wrist. Terror swelled up in me as I recalled my kidnapping but before I could let out a scream, I saw the second worst thing.

* * *

** I was originally intending to update sooner but I've been busy with shopping trips for dorm stuff, packing, hanging out with friends, being just plain lazy xD**

**Thanks for all your reviews! :D **


	4. Vanilla Salt

**Another new chapter done! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara or anything else pertaining to it.**

* * *

"You!" I cried

"Nice seeing you again too, Rima-chan!" Nagihiko said, smiling so sweetly that it was almost sickening. "Would you mind accompanying me somewhere?"

"Why would I want to go anywhere with you?" I asked angrily, trying to free my wrist from his hand. Boy, he was strong.

"Well, I figured it was the least you could do after obviously lying about what happened yesterday." He replied teasingly, still keeping a firm grip on my wrist.

I stopped struggling. "It was pretty funny watching you get angry though," I said, giggling. "Who would have thought that you could be so mean, Nagihiko?"

"Ha ha, how very funny." He echoed, becoming annoyed.

"Anyways, I can't, my mom is supposed to pick me up today." I stated. "So if you could let go of me I would really appreciate that."

"You still haven't called your mom yet, right? And I promise it won't take long." He replied, his hand still holding onto me.

"No! Let go of me you pervert!" I snapped, trying again to break his hold.

"You know, I'm pretty strong. I doubt you can run away from me." He said smirking.

I still tried to break away from him, but after a few minutes I gave up, feeling really tired now. I guess it wouldn't hurt going with him real quick as long as it meant getting home soon after and going straight to bed for a nap.

"Fine." I mumbled, frustrated. "But make it quick!"

Nagihiko simply smiled at me and started leading me.

"But can you let go of me though, I feel like a little kid," I said, frowning.

"Now Rima-chan, if I do that, you'll go running away like a little kid so if you're going to behave like a little kid, you're going to be treated like one too," He answered, with a teasing look in his eyes.

"I won't! I promise!" I insisted, although that was the very thing I would do if he did.

He just laughed and continued leading me into the same park that we were supposed to meet yesterday after finishing our shopping. We walked near a bench when a woman with a little cart selling ice cream was passing by.

"Oh, would you like some ice cream Rima-chan?" Nagihiko asked sweetly.

"Well, I could have just gone with Amu then if I wanted ice cream," I mumbled frustrated.

"I'll take that as a yes," Nagihiko replied and we walked over to the little cart, with his hand still on my wrist.

"Could I have two ice cream cones please?" Nagihiko asked.

"Sure! What flavor would you and your little sister want?" the woman asked, smiling.

"Wait! We're not related! We don't even look alike!" I exclaimed, angry.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She apologized while Nagihiko laughed. "You two give off some type of aura and I thought that was it."

"Well, we're not." I replied firmly.

She laughed, and said, "All right. What kind of flavors would you like for your ice creams?"

"One chocolate and for the other, Rima-chan do you like strawberry ice cream?" Nagihiko asked, looking at me.

"Vanilla. Strawberry ice cream is too sweet." I said flatly.

"Too sweet?" Nagihiko asked, looking amused. "One chocolate and one vanilla then."

He finally let go of me after handing me my ice cream and after paying the ice cream woman, we went to go sit at the bench that was nearby. I sat at the farthest end and after taking a few licks of my frozen treat; I turned to him and said, "So what is it? I know you didn't just want me to accompany you to eat ice cream right? Plus you said you had a few things to take care of."

"You're right," he replied, after taking a few licks of his ice cream as well and looking out into the park. "I want you to clearly explain to me what happened yesterday when we were shopping." He turned to me and I saw that even though he had a small smile on his face, his eyes were serious.

Double crap! I almost dropped my ice cream as I remembered the subject that I've been avoiding to think about.

"That was nothing! It was just a headache!" I exclaimed, laughing nervously, not meeting his eyes. "I really have to go now so-" I tried getting up from the bench and I felt something holding me back.

"Wait."

I turned around and I saw that Nagihiko had scooted over close to me and had his hand on my wrist, pulling me back. His face no longer held a smile but instead a concerned look.

"What?!" I asked desperately.

"Wait," he repeated carefully. "I know what happened yesterday wasn't a regular headache. I think there's something you're not telling me."

He pulled back on my wrist, making me sit down on the bench again.

"I already told you! It was just a headache but you won't believe me! Just a headache…" I muttered, looking at the floor.

"But Rima-chan," I heard Nagihiko say, "Normal headaches don't cause you as much pain as you were in yesterday."

I was still looking at the floor as I kicked a pebble with my shoe. I couldn't kid myself anymore. I knew he was right. It wasn't normal having such excruciating headaches.

"Maybe you're right…" I mumbled, still looking away from him. I didn't want him to see how scared I was getting. "But I can't do anything else other than to bear them…"

"Have you told your parents yet?" he asked softly.

"No, I can't…I can't make them worry over me over something like this," I spoke quietly.

I couldn't. My mom and dad were having arguments almost every night now and if I told them about this, they would probably just start arguing about who was being the negligent parent and start pointing fingers at each other.

Nagihiko was quiet for a moment but then he spoke up. "I'll tell you what, "he said. "I won't make you tell your parents now but if you have another one of these headaches, then you have to tell them."

"Make?" I asked surprised, turning to look at him. "You were going to make me? Ha, I doubt you have the power to do that."

Nagihiko laughed quietly. "But you have to promise me though."

"I don't have to promise you anything," I said, staring hard at him.

"Well, if you don't, then I guess I have no choice but to go over to your house then and explain everything to your parents." He replied teasingly. "Oh, how will Mama and Papa Mashiro take this?"

"You..wouldn't…dare." I said firmly

"Oh I would" he stated, as I thought an evil glint sparkled in his eyes.

I groaned. I guess it couldn't hurt right? And aside from feeling tired, I felt pretty good and no headaches have come my way just yet. Hopefully it stayed that way.

"…Fine!" I said reluctantly and he laughed. The nerve of him!

"Shesh, why do you even care anyway?" I asked annoyed.

"Because," he started as he moved his hand from my wrist to gently touching my hand, "Whether you like it or not, aren't you one of my friends, Rima-chan? I care about you."

I was startled as I turned to look at him and I saw him smiling pleasantly, his big, brown eyes sincere looking into mine. I felt my face getting hot, and I stood up quickly, realizing that my ice cream was beginning to melt.

"A-Are you done harassing me? So I can take my leave." I said, not looking at him.

"Yes Rima-chan," I heard him reply chuckling, "You can go ahead and report me now."

I walked as fast as I could till I had to catch my breath and seeing how my ice cream was practically melting all over my hand, I threw it randomly on the sidewalk and saw how the perfect ice cream that it was before, was now crushed. And as I stared at it, for some reason, I felt sad.

* * *

**I'll try to update one last time this week before I leave for college this weekend! :D eek! I can't believe I'm really leaving! _ **

**I'll still keep updating this story but every one in a while though ^^ oh and who can guess from what anime is the title of this chapter from? I couldn't help myself! This song is just too cute and I've recently been watching this anime! haha xDDD**


	5. Seductive?

**Thanks for all your reviews! :D**

**Here's a new chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara or any of its characters, sadly :(**

* * *

"And after that, it just started stinking so bad!" Amu giggled, while her own charas were laughing.

"Is that true, Hinamori-san?" Tadase asked, laughing as well.

"Yes! You should have seen her face!" exclaimed Ran, while Kusukusu was rolling in laughter and I gave a small giggle.

It was lunch time and as always, Amu, Tadase, and I always ate together in the classroom. Sometimes the other guardians would join us but I was glad today it wasn't the case since I didn't want to see a certain long-haired person, at least not until after school when I would have to. The more I thought about what happened yesterday, the more frustrated I would become. Thinking about it now, I could have just walked away and not told Nagihiko anything about my headaches but instead I blurted out more than I wanted to and now I even had a promise with him! Not that I was planning to keep it or anything, its not like he would spy on me on whether I told my parents or not.

"And then what happened?" questioned Tadase.

"Oh! It's like this-" Amu replied until I interrupted.

"I'm going to get some juice," I said, realizing that I forgot to pack it in my lunch today.

"Okay!" spoke Amu. "But come back quick! You have to hear the rest of the story!"

"Okay," I said, smiling and walked out of the classroom. There were many students in the hall, some alone or in groups, talking to their friends. I remembered back when I first transferred how many boys would chase after me and basically treat me like a queen. Now that we were in 8th grade, things had calmed down, but every once in a while, a boy or two would still confess to me, and I would calmly turned them down, still not interested in the complications of a love relationship.

I walked to the vending machine at the end of the corridor, and picked out my favorite type of juice, grape. As I was turning back, I accidentally bumped into the person behind me, waiting to use the vending machine. "Sorry." I mumbled but when I looked up to see who it was, I almost dropped my juice. "You!"

"You know I have a name," Nagihiko replied teasingly.

"Are you stalking me?" I asked, my eyes narrowing.

"What? So now getting a juice means I'm stalking you? " he said, stepping forward to the vending machine.

"In your case, yes." I answered.

He laughed and examined the different types of juices. He turned to me and noticing my grape juice, asked "Is grape juice good? I usually get apple but lately I've been wanting to try something new."

"I don't know," I shrugged, "I like it, apple juice tastes too sweet to me."

"I see." He replied thoughtfully while pressing the button for the juice. The vending machine made a clattering noise after dropping the juice. He picked it up and just as I was about to walk away back to my classroom, he turned his brown eyes at me.

"You know Rima-chan, you should try eating sweet things. That might make you sweeter." He advised, with a smile that was too sweet I knew he was making fun of me.

The people that were in line for the vending machine had noticed us and many of them were some of my former fanboys and his fangirls (he actually has fangirls?!). I could hear them whispering, and I felt my anger rising up.

"Are you trying to say that I'm sour or what?" I asked fiercely, turning around and glaring at him.

"Oh, I'm not saying anything like that, I meant that eating sweet things might make you a bit less…bitter." He replied, his big brown eyes meeting mine.

"Which is the same thing!" I exclaimed, trying to hide my anger. How dare he call me bitter?!

"Ouch, see?" he said, clearly smirking.

I could hear the other students whispering excitedly and it frustrated me even more! I felt like throwing my juice at them and telling them to shut up! But then I would have wasted my precious juice on such stupid reasons and I didn't have any money left for another one.

I turned on my heel, and trying to keep nonchalant voice, I said, "Whatever, I don't have to deal with you." I started walking back until I heard him call out my name.

"Rima-chan!"

I reluctantly turned, and trying to keep a straight face that showed no fury, I hissed, "…Yes?"

"Remember our promise, okay?" he spoke, winking at me.

At this, I could practically hear the gasps from the boys and the kyas! from the girls filling my ears. Why did he have to bring up that subject now?! I gripped my juice tighter, trying hard not to explode on him in front of everyone here. He clearly loves making my life into little squares! Fine, two can play at that game. I'll give everyone a show to actually talk about.

"Hey, Nagi" I said softly, walking towards him.

He seemed suddenly startled at the sound of the nickname that I never used. With a gentle smile on my face, I grabbed one of his long locks of hair gently.

"Umm…Rima-chan?" he asked, confusion in his eyes.

"You know…" I spoke softly, twirling his strand of hair around my finger. "I've been thinking…" I was appalled at what I was doing. I didn't even know where I got the courage from. But looking up at his face, I knew I had finally caught him off guard. His cheeks had a tinge of pink, and his eyes clearly held shock in them.

"R-Rima-chan? W-What are you doing?" he stammered, trying to back away.

Instead, I held on to his hair tighter, pulling him down to me so that we were actually face to face.

"That promise that we made?" I spoke even softer, moving in closer to his face. I could feel the river of blood from all the nosebleeds from the other students at this action. Nagihiko now had his cheeks painted red and his anxious eyes meeting mine, still trying to pull away. I yanked his hair harder, and standing on my tippy toes, I moved in even closer, and I whispered in his ear, "I'm not sure if I want to keep it."

I gave him a quick triumphant smile before letting go of his hair, which caused him to lose his balance and fall down. He looked up at me, his eyes narrowing at me.

"Oh, look at the time, lunch is almost over and I still have to eat!" I quickly said before he could even say a word to me. I turned around and started walking fast back to my classroom. I could hear the clamor the other students were making at what just happened and I found myself giggling at that. I should in pure aghast at what I just did! I never even pulled someone's hair before! But instead, I felt ecstatic. I bit my lip to keep from laughing, but once I got to my classroom, I couldn't hold it back anymore.

"Um..what's so funny Rima?" Amu asked as I burst out laughing, walking to my seat.

"Oh, nothing" I said, wiping the tears from my eyes. "Just something funny that happened in the hallway."

"What happened, Mashiro-san?" asked Tadase.

"Yea, tell us!" Amu exclaimed curiously.

"I'm sure you'll hear about it soon." I said with a smirk, after taking a drink of my grape juice.

* * *

"Rima-tan! I never knew you were so….seductive!" Yaya blurted out at the guardians' meeting. Word of our little "meeting" had spread fast just as I had predicted and it wasn't long before it reached the rest of the guardians' ears. The only bad part about it was that I suddenly gained numerous numbers of fanboys but those I could deal with later.

"Seductive?!" I asked, sweatdropping. "Haha, t-that wasn't being seductive. I was just being…really sweet." I smirked at Nagihiko, who was making a point not to look at me.

"I HATE having my hair pulled." He asserted, fiercely.

"Haha, Rima don't you think you went over the edge? Maybe just a little bit?" Amu asked, laughing nervously.

"I don't think I even went near the edge. I was clearly in bounds." I replied.

"In bounds of being close to Nagi you mean!" Yaya exclaimed laughing.

"No, you have it wrong." I said, trying hard not to giggle but not succeeding. Nagihiko glared at me from the corner of his eye and it took all my will to not burst out laughing. The whole situation was just so hilarious to me! Who would have thought that his pet peeve was having his hair yanked? Haha.

"Shall we get back to meeting? We still have to discuss the festival that's next week." Tadase said.

"That's boring! Yaya rathers have fun at the festival than to plan it!" She complained, putting her head on the table.

"Well, that's why we have to plan it Yuiki-san." Tadase replied with a smile. "To make sure its fun."

"Fine." Yaya said, reaching for the sweets.

"Did we buy enough supplies then? Amu asked.

"Yes, but if we are missing some, we could always buy more." Tadase replied, looking over the list.

We were discussing the festival but I found it a bit boring. I think I would rather attend a festival than plan it like Yaya had said. Nagihiko was ignoring me, obviously still annoyed with me, but I really didn't care. At least he knew not to mess with me anymore.

We were talking about how each classroom could set up a booth when I suddenly felt a familiar pain starting in my head. No, not here I thought. I drank some tea quickly, hoping it will help it pass but I knew once it started, nothing could make it stop.

"I think that's a good idea." I heard Nagihiko speak up.

"Yea! Each classroom could have a booth with either a game or something fun!" Amu replied.

I put a hand to my head and bit my lip, quickly thinking of a way out of here. I couldn't run out, that would be too obvious. Nagihiko is the only one that knew about my headaches. I looked at him, who was laughing with the others. But he was angry at me, I doubt he would be willing to help me with anything right now.

The painful familiar throb in my head started to increase, and not knowing what else to do, I put my head down on the table, using my arms as pillows.

"Rima, are you okay?" Amu asked, noticing.

"…Y-Yea." I tried to say calmly, " Just tired."

"Oh, well we're almost done Mashiro-san." I heard Tadase reply.

Almost is not good enough! I thought. I could feel the excruciating pain beginning to start and I tried hard not to scream out in pain.

"C-Can we go home already?!" I heard myself crying out.

I heard Yaya and Amu saying something but I couldn't even concentrate on what they were saying anymore. I put my hands on my head and I started crying quietly, wanting for something, anything to make the pain go away. I met Nagihiko's eyes and was surprised to see that he wasn't glaring at me. His eyes told me he understood and he swiftly stood up and was at my side, with his hand on my back.

"Is it one of those headaches again, Rima-chan?" He asked softly, kneeling down to look at me.

I nodded with tears in my eyes, staring back into his eyes.

"Wait, headaches? What's happening?" Amu asked worriedly.

"Is Rima-tan okay?" Yaya asked worriedly as well.

Nagihiko stood up and said, "Amu-chan, Yaya-chan, can you go find the nurse and bring her here please?"

"Umm, okay!" exclaimed Amu, shooting a troubled glance at me.

"Yaya and Amu will bring the nurse back so you can feel better, Rima-tan!" Yaya cried as she dragged Amu running out of the Royal garden.

I didn't try to stifle my cries now as the pain kept attacking my head. Nagihiko had knelt down again and had started rubbing my back gently with one hand. I stared into his eyes, which were anxious and concerned. Despite the pain, I could feel my cheeks getting flushed.

"You're…weird." I managed to say.

"So I've been told." He replied quietly with a small smile.

"Aren't they taking a bit long?" I heard Tadase asked nervously.

"They are." Nagihiko agreed, still staring into my eyes. "Can you stand up, Rima-chan?"

I tried standing up as I held onto him for support. "Y-Yea," I said shakily.

"Let's walk to the nurse's office then." Nagihiko spoke.

"O-Okay."

Nagihiko had his arm around my waist as I tried to walk out of the royal garden. But the pain made it unbearable for me to want to even move so with small steps, we finally made it out of garden.

"No, I can't!" I cried. "Can I just lie down somewhere?"

"But you need a nurse, Mashiro-san!" Tadase exclaimed.

Nagihiko stayed quiet for a moment before speaking up. "Okay, how about we do this?"

I felt his arm leave my waist and I suddenly felt my feet leave the floor. It was a moment before I realized that Nagihiko had picked me up and was carrying me bridal style.

"W-Wait!" I stammered, but Nagihiko ignore me and said, "Okay, now we can go to the nurse's office."

I had my eyes closed but I didn't want to open them. This was the second time I've been close to Nagihiko and I felt my cheeks turning hot. Instead of thinking about this, I tried concentrating on breathing in and out, to take my mind off the pain. I heard other people whispering so I guessed that we were near the school. Great, what will the other students think now after seeing me being carried by Nagihiko? Karma was out to get me today.

* * *

**This chapter was supposed to be longer but I ran out of time! D: I was actually going to have this chapter up yesterday but I spent it packing and hanging out with friends for the last time :(**

**Again, thanks for all your reviews and I will try to update in a week or two after I get settled into my dorm room and classes and everything :) Wish me luck! hehe xDD**


	6. What You Wanted

**Hey guys! So college is very different from what I'm used to but its been pretty good and fun! :D There's always something to do and I'm always very busy, when I'm not going to class, I'm working, or hanging out with friends, or doing laundry, and yea haha xDDD But this labor day weekend, I'm back in my hometown and I'm so happy since I was starting to feel a little bit homesick ^^ I also decided to update since I had sometime :D so yea, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own shugo chara or any of its characters.**

* * *

The pain wasn't so bad now. With my eyes closed, I felt myself entering a state where the pain was manageable and nothing else existed. I tried to ignore all the noises and presences surrounding me and just concentrated on my breathing. I could even ignore the long-haired person who was carrying me, just to endure the pain.

"She's being awfully quiet," I heard Tadase say nervously. "Mashiro-san?"

I didn't want to risk opening my mouth to respond or any other type of movements that could cause the pain to strike again so I just stayed quiet and limp, hoping they would just leave it at that.

"You're right." I heard Nagihiko say with concern. "Rima-chan," he started gently, "are you awake?"

I still stayed quiet as a mouse, that is, until I felt his face suddenly get closer to mine, a few strands of his hair falling forward, tickling my face.

"Rima-chan," he said softly, close to my ear, "don't worry, we're almost there."

I felt my cheeks turn hot when I realized how close his face was to mine. I particularly didn't want to open my eyes and stare into his deep, brown worried eyes.

"Hm" I said, moving my mouth as little as possible.

"Rima-chan?" I heard Nagihiko ask, still too close to me and I knew that I had to speak up.

"…Back…Away." I mumbled fiercely.

Nagihiko chuckled quietly and straightened up. "Ah, she speaks now." He said teasingly.

I reluctantly opened one eye and found Nagihiko smiling a small smile at me. But there was something about his eyes that made his smile seem… melancholic. Before I could give this another thought, I felt the painful throbbing start in my head again and closing my eye, I clutched my head and tried to keep from crying out.

"Let's hurry." Nagihiko said, as I felt his pace quicken.

"I'll go see if the nurse and the others are there." Tadase said, hearing him sprint into a run.

"Okay." Nagihiko agreed.

So I was alone with him again. Typical. I tried to forget about him and concentrated on my breathing again but this time, the pain was harder to manage and I clutched my head, hoping we were close to the nurse's office soon.

"Rima-tan!" I heard Yaya cry as we entered into an air-conditioned room.

"Gomen Rima!" I heard Amu exclaim. "We came here first trying to find the nurse but since she wasn't here, we went all around the school running, looking for her but we didn't have any luck so we came back here hoping she would be here right now!"

"But she isn't." Yaya said sadly. "Rima-tan don't die!" She blurted, hearing her run to me.

"Yaya-chan, don't worry, she's going to be okay." Nagihiko spoke. "Where's Tadase-kun?"

"Everyone!" I suddenly heard Tadase say, walking in with another person. "I found the nurse!"

"I'm so sorry guys." A woman's voice said. "I was taking care of some other matters and had to step out of the office for a while."

"It's okay!" Amu replied. "We're so happy that you're here now. We have a friend who got really sick right now."

"Yes!" Yaya exclaimed. "Yaya doesn't like people being in pain, especially her friends! Can you make her feel better?"

"Okay, let me take a look at her." The nurse answered.

I suddenly felt myself being passed to an unfamiliar pair of arms, and without thinking, I winced and reached back for Nagihiko, whose warmth suddenly felt familiar and comfortable.

"It's okay sweetie, don't be scared." I heard the nurse coo softly. I felt myself being carried to another room and being laid on a soft bed. I opened my eyes and found myself in a room where it was curtained off from the others. The nurse appeared to be in her late 20s and had medium length black hair. She smiled softly at me and asked, "What seems to be the problem?"

"My head" I cried, clutching it. "It hurts, it really hurts!"

I felt a cool hand against my forehead. "Hmm, you seem to have a slight fever too." The nurse said with a troubled expression. "I really can't give you any medicine because we're not authorized to unless you have a prescription but I'm going to give a call to your parents to see if they can pick you up and take you to a doctor."

I nodded, crying. This was the very last thing I wanted her to do but I felt that I wasn't in a position to argue with her. I felt her put a wet towel on my forehead and draping a warm blanket over me, said, "Try to relax sweetie, and I'll call your parents right now so that they can come."

"Okay." I said quietly, and closed my eyes, hoping to fall into that unconsciousness where the pain or anything else existed, only black.

* * *

A while later, I opened my eyes and was relieved that my excruciating headache had gone away.

"Rima!" Both of my parents exclaimed, standing over me.

"Mama, Papa, when did you get here?" I asked, still a little bit disorientated.

"The nurse gave us a call on our cell phone telling us that you had a headache and slight fever and we came over as quickly as possible." My dad said.

"But how are you feeling right now, Rima?" My mom asked, putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Okay." I responded, when I realized I had forgotten about the other guardians. "Where's everyone else?" I asked, sitting up.

"Rima! I'm so happy that you're awake now and you seem to be feeling much better." The nurse spoke while walking into the room.

"Yes, are the others still here?" I asked, suddenly feeling nervous and anxious about confronting them about what had happened earlier.

"No, I sent them home earlier while you were resting because it was getting late. They didn't want to leave at first though; they were really concerned about their friend." The nurse replied, smiling.

"Oh." I said, letting out a sigh. At least I had until tomorrow to see what I would say to them. But then I saw the nurse's expression turn serious. "I asked your friends if this was your first time getting a headache like this and one of them spoke up, saying it has also happened before."

"Rima, is that true?" My father questioned.

Great. I knew which "friend" was the one that had told her that. I gripped the edge of the bed tighter, getting angry that he hadn't even let me be the one to tell them.

"Umm...yea." I muttered, looking down.

"Rima! Why didn't you tell us before?" My mother asked accusingly.

I stayed quiet, not knowing what to say.

"He also said that you would get dizzy sometimes and also appear more tired than usual." The nurse continued.

"He did?!" I asked angrily, looking up at her.

"Rima! What else have you hid from us?" My mother demanded worriedly.

I looked away, feeling tears start in my eyes. "Just that." I replied in a quiet voice.

"You shouldn't be angry with your friend. He seemed really worried about you. You're very lucky to have such good friends."

I turned to look up at the nurse again and found her smiling softly at me.

Nagihiko worried about me? I wondered, as I felt my anger diminish and instead confusion take its place. Why?

"But what should we do now? You said earlier we should take her to a doctor right?" My father asked anxiously.

"Yes." The nurse agreed. "From what her friend told me, I suspect it might be a simple anemia and some vitamins and a healthy diet should help take care of it. But like I said before, you should take her to a doctor for some blood tests and see what vitamins she lacks in her body."

"Okay, we will take her tomorrow first thing in the morning then." My mom said. "Thank you so much for everything."

"You're welcome Mr. and Mrs. Mashiro," the nurse replied, smiling. "Take care Rima."

"Thanks." I said, finding myself smiling back at her as I got off the bed and walked off with my parents.

* * *

"Rima! I'm so happy that you finally told your parents!" Kusukusu cried out at night while I was getting ready for bed.

"Well, actually that big-mouth Nagihiko told the nurse who told my parents, but yea I did." I replied, having finished brushing my hair, and turned off the lights.

"Yay for Nagi then! Hee hee!" Kusukusu giggled.

"Goodnight Kusukusu." I stated, hoping she would catch the message and drop the subject.

"Night!" she exclaimed and went back into her egg.

I crawled into my bed, and laid there for a while, thinking about what had happened today. Well, you got what you wanted, didn't you Nagihiko? I did feel relieved though my parents finally knew and they haven't gotten in a fight as I thought they would. As for everyone else, I would just tell them it was just a little anemia and with some vitamins, I would get better soon. But for some reason, deep inside me, I suddenly felt fear, hoping that it was actually just that and nothing else more complicated. I closed my eyes and tried to shake off that bad feeling. Yea, it was just an anemia.

* * *

**I leave again for college tomorrow or tuesday! Depends when my friend leaves since I came with her xDD Hopefully tomorrow though cause I have class on tuesday =/**

**I'll try to update soon, so expect a new chapter in about 1 or 2 weeks ^^ Thanks for all your reviews! oh yea, and just something random, the title of this chapter is actually the the title of one of my favorite songs by Renfue, check it out if you have time xDDDD **


	7. The Promise

**So here's the next chapter! :D I actually had part of this written about 2 weeks ago but because of classes and work and homework and friends, I haven't been able to finish it till now, which is really late at night by the way and I have class super early D: lol xDD**

**So with that, enjoy! ^^**

**Disclaimer: I don't Shugo Chara or any other its characters blah blah blah **

* * *

The next morning I didn't go to school. Both of my parents had decided to take the day off so they could take me to the doctor's office. I was surprised that up to this point, not a lot of fights have happened between them. If I would have known that telling them would have caused this to happen, I probably would have told them since a long time ago.

I was sitting in the doctor's waiting office, waiting for my name to be called by one of the nurses. My mom and dad were sitting on either side of me and I could tell that they were getting impatient too. I flipped through the pages of a random magazine and started to feel that uncomfortable feeling in my stomach again. It's just a blood test, nothing else scary, I thought to myself, trying to calm down. I looked around and saw many little kids running around and playing with some blocks and other little toys that were in the middle of the room. Seeing how carefree they seemed, I was suddenly jealous of them, wishing I could be as carefree as them or at least a little kid again, where nothing else mattered other than choosing with toy to play with.

"Rima Mashiro?" A nurse called out. I stood up and I saw that my parents had stood up too.

"No" I said, turning to them. "I can go by myself."

"But Rima-" "Are you sure?" My parents asked, looking concerned.

"Yes, I'm sure." I replied, trying to paste a smile on my face. In reality, there's probably nothing more what I wanted in this moment to have my parents come with me. But I knew they were probably as nervous as me and I didn't want to have them see me that I was actually scared once were inside the patient's room. I walked through the group of little kids that were playing, making sure I didn't step on any of the toys, into the hallway. I followed the nurse into another little room where it was cluttered with many different bottles of medicines and equipment that I didn't know.

"Take a seat right there, and I'll be with you in just a second." The nurse said sweetly, while walking to the corner of the room.

I sat in the seat, and tried to calm myself down by looking around at the posters that covered many parts of the room. Many of them had messages such as eating healthy and exercising, featuring random cartoon characters. Who chooses these posters anyway?

"Okay, you know what I'm going to do right?" The nurse said, walking over with a cotton ball and some alcohol.

"I think so…you're just going to get some blood right?" I replied.

The nurse nodded and put my right arm on the armrest. I quickly looked away, not wanting to see what she was going to do. I felt the cold alcohol brush over a part of my arm and not too long after that I felt a sting and winced.

"Don't worry, sweetheart, just a few more minutes and it's all over." I heard the nurse say.

"Okay." I replied softly, trying to hold back tears.

* * *

The remote made a small clicking sound as I flipped through the channels while being curled up on my sofa. After the nurse was done, she had told me and my parents to come back in three days for the blood results. The test had made me exhausted and after we got home, I took a long, relaxing nap. When I woke up, I noticed that the house was unusually quiet from what I was used to hearing and thought it might be safe to come down and watch some of my favorite comedy shows. They were over already though and as I flipped through some channels impatiently, I heard the doorbell ring. Uninterested, I continued to flip through the channels as I heard my mom open the door.

After a few moments, my mom walked into the living room. "Rima, you have some guests." She said, stepping aside and letting them through.

"Guys!" I said, sitting up surprised.

All of the four guardians stood in my living room.

"Rima!" "Rima-tan, we've missed you today!" exclaimed Amu and Yaya, as they rushed over to hug me.

"Glad to see you're okay today, Mashiro-san" Tadase said smiling, walking in.

"Haha, Amu-chan and Yaya-chan, you might want to give Rima-chan some time to breathe," Nagihiko chuckled, following behind him.

Both Amu and Yaya released me and they both took a seat on either side of me while Tadase and Nagihiko sat on the other sofa.

"Did you go to the doctor today then, Rima?" Amu asked.

"Uh, yea." I answered nervously, remembering about what they had witnessed the day before. I also remembered that Nagihiko had spilled the beans and anger started building up in me.

"Doctors make Yaya get scared!" Yaya exclaimed. "They have scary looking stuff!"

"Doctors help you get better though, Yaya-chan." Nagihiko said, smiling at her while I glared at him from behind a pillow that I was clutching.

"Rima," Amu started, and I saw that she had a sad expression on her face. "Why didn't you tell us that you had felt bad before though? Like on that day we had that shopping trip?"

"Oh" I said, looking down.

"Yaya wants to know that too! She doesn't like it when people keep secrets from her!"

"That's true Mashiro-san, aren't we all guardians and friends?" Tadase spoke, smiling.

This was what I was hoping to avoid. I hugged my pillow tigher, feeling strangely sad. Back at my other school, I never really had friends who I was close too and it was an abnormal feeling seeing how I now had friends who actually cared about me.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, "I didn't want to make anybody worry about me over nothing."

"How can you say that?" Amu said, turning to look at me, meeting her melancholic eyes. "We're best friends aren't we? Aren't best friends supposed to support and help each other when one's in trouble?"

I felt tears streaming down my face and I clutched the pillow even tighter, hoping to hide from everyone else. "I'm sorry…I really am. I promise I'll never hide anything from you again."

Amu's sad frown was replaced with a soft smile and she held up her pinky. "Promise"

"Promise" I replied smiling, wrapping my pinky with hers.

Like if she suddenly realized that we had an audience, she quickly acquired her "cool and spicy" attitude and clearing her throat she said, "Um, yea just make sure to tell us when you're having problems."

Everyone including me laughed until Yaya interrupted with sparkling eyes "So where are the snacks?!"

* * *

They all ended up staying for about an hour or so, talking about what had happened at the meeting and school and random stuff. I probably would've enjoyed it more if it wasn't for a certain someone acting as if what he did was okay. He talked and laughed like nothing and I glared at him from behind my pillow whenever he did.

"It's getting kind of late," Tadase said after looking at the clock.

"You're right, we should go although I don't really want to," Amu replied dejectedly, "I don't want to do homework…"

"Then don't do it!" Yaya exclaimed. "That's why Yaya always has time for fun and candy!"

"But then how do you get good grades??" Amu asked curiously.

"That's a secret only Yaya knows." She replied with a wink.

"Oh no, she cheats." I said nonchalantly.

"Eh?! Yaya will never cheat!" She cried. "Yaya is just really smart!"

"Right…" I said suspiciously while Amu searched through her bag quickly, mumbling about something ridiculous and getting help from someone younger than her with her homework.

Tadase laughed. "We should get going before it gets dark."

I walked them to the door and said bye to them all (Amu still looking at her homework and at Yaya reluctantly). I was close to closing the door until I felt it stop. "I'm sorry, I forgot my school bag." Nagihiko said sweetly, holding the door open.

Without saying a word to him, I opened the door to let him through and he walked, his long, flowing hair trailing behind him. I turned away and crossed my arms, not wanting to look or speak a word at him. I heard him walk up to me on his way to the door when he suddenly stopped in front of me.

"Rima-chan," he started and I made sure that I stayed turned away and didn't look at him. "I know we had promised that you were going to tell your parents about your headaches but when we were in the nurse's office, she had asked us if you had experienced them before and-"

"Liar." I found myself saying firmly.

"Liar?" he questioned, and I almost looked at him before I stopped myself.

"Yes. You told the nurse to get back at me from what had happened in front of the vending machine so you broke the promise, which makes you a liar." I stated.

"I know…I'm really sorry, Rima." I heard him say softly with such sadness that I couldn't help but turn to look at him and was startled to find him so ashamed, his head down with his bangs covering his eyes, not allowing me to stare into them.

"Umm…" I mumbled unsurely, not knowing what to do in this situation. I seriously was thinking on saying that it was okay and to not worry about it but I knew that I really wasn't okay with what he had done. I found it kind of strange to see him in that manner though.

"…Just don't make promises with me anymore and you won't be liar." I said, that being the first thing that popped into my head.

His eyes looked up to meet mine and I found my cheeks becoming strangely warm. His deep, brown eyes held a solemn feeling and I felt a strange sadness overcome me.

"…Fine, I won't promise anything to you anymore, if that's what you want." He replied smiling, quickly reverting back to his usual sweet self, surprising me, although I could see his eyes still remained the same.

"Fine." I echoed, crossing my arms again.

He started to walk out the house before he stopped again and turned to look at me.

"Although I do hate people pulling on my hair, that wasn't the reason why I told the nurse about your other headaches…it was because you were obviously feeling very sick, and isn't that what friends do, help each other out when they're in trouble?"

"Don't copy at what Amu said, it won't work with you." I spoke, narrowing my eyes.

He chuckled softly and said, "Okay. How about because I was really worried that my dear, short friend was suffering from so much pain and I hated seeing her in that manner and wanted to spare her from all that?"

I was at a loss of words at that, not knowing how to respond at it.

"GOODBYE, Nagihiko." I stated firmly, hoping he would get the message.

After one last smile at me, he turned around and started walking out of my house, into the front yard. I gripped the door knob tightly and was almost close to closing it, when I couldn't take it anymore and I blurted out the one thing that was on my mind all this time.

"Why do you care so much about me anyway?" I asked loudly and found myself appalled at what I had just said.

Nagihiko, who was almost out of the front yard and into the sidewalk, just turned around and smiled at soft, sweet smile at me at which point I immediately shut the door.

"Rima! Did everyone leave already?" I heard my mom ask from upstairs.

"Yea." I responded, and sliding down to the floor with my back against the door I said quietly, "They all finally left.

I was still trying to process everything that had just happened right now, and seeing how Nagihiko just smiled instead of responding my question, I felt more confused than what I started with.

* * *

**Thx for all of your reviews! They make me so happy x3**

**I'll try to have the next chapter up in about one week or two ^^ Now its time for me to go to bed and get at least 4 hours of sleep -_- haha xDDD **


	8. Pieces

**Sorry for the late update! I've been really busy with classes, homework, and exams =/ but I'm so happy for fall break! x3 Enjoy! :D Sorry if there are any spelling errors, I wanted to put this up before going to a wedding today ^^**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara or any of its characters, although it would be nice I did haha xD **

* * *

The day after I was feeling kind of nervous seeing Nagihiko after what had happened yesterday. I did not know whether to believe that he was actually worried about me but I was determined to not fall for his traps.

I was casually walking with Amu to class chatting about random stuff when Nagihiko, who was walking from the opposite direction, noticed us and started to come over.

"Nagi!" Amu said happily, while I hid behind Amu automatically, and I was suddenly reminded of an earlier time when I had first met him.

"Hey Amu-chan and … Rima-chan?" Nagihiko greeted us, his expression confused as soon as he noticed my hiding spot behind Amu.

"Umm, Rima? What are you doing?" Amu asked, her expression containing confusion as well.

"…I don't trust him." I spoke, glaring at Nagihiko behind Amu, who both sweatdropped at this.

"Huh?" Amu asked baffled while Nagihiko laughing nervously, asked, "What do you mean by that, Rima-chan?"

I narrowed my eyes and stayed quiet, until Amu said quickly, "Oh look! I have to tell Tadase something! See you later guys!" She walked away fast, waving to what it looked someone imaginary until she was out of sight, leaving me unhidden.

"Well, we managed to make Amu run away from us so early in the morning." Nagiko said, looking to where Amu had gone, and turned to me, a smile playing on his face.

I took a step backwards from him, and stared up at him, meeting his deep, brown eyes. "You never answered my question yesterday." I accused.

"Rima-chan, didn't I say friends care for each other?" Nagihiko replied sweetly, and I turned away from him, feeling uncomfortable and my cheeks turning warm. I didn't know if it was that people actually caring for me that was making me feel this way or if it was because particularly Nagihiko was caring for me.

"…whatever." I mumbled looking at the floor, but I suddenly stared up at him and declared, "But just so you know, I won't fall for your plots!"

"Plots?" he asked, his eyes filled with confusion but soon replaced with amusement. "Would you like to enlighten me with what kind of "plots" I have?" He questioned with a teasing smile on his face.

"…S-shut up!" I said annoyed, and turning my back on him, I quickly walked away, not wanting him to know that I actually didn't have any idea what kind of plots he was planning on me, or if he actually was. Thankfully, he didn't follow, but great, now I was going to have to take the long way to class.

* * *

Three days have gone by and today was the day that I would get my test results back. Uneasiness overtook my body this morning as I was getting ready for school. I knew that it was probably just a simple anemia, nothing more complex than that but deep inside, I actually felt … afraid.

"Rima, are you feeling okay today?" Kusukusu asked, noting my mood.

"Yea." I agreed, grabbing my bag. "Just a little tired."

I was relieved that at school no one seemed to notice my mood, that is except for a certain someone.

"Rima-chan, why so quiet today?" Nagihiko asked looking over me while taking off his plastic wrap of his sandwich during lunch, in which today was one of the few times that the guardians were actually eating all together.

"What do you mean? I'm being normal today." I replied, meeting his eyes and then turning away back to my lunch.

After that encounter at school in the morning that other day, Nagihiko pretty much behaved normal around me like before. I was glad that he stopped acting and saying weird times to me because I was planning on yanking his hair again and this time I wouldn't hesitate on yanking it hard.

"That's right; you have your test results handed to you today right?" I heard him ask, but I ignored him, taking a sip from my juice.

"Oh yea! I totally forgot about that!" Amu exclaimed. "You won't be coming to the meeting today then?"

"Right" I replied, sensing that anxious feeling rise up in me again. "What were we going to talk about in the meeting today?" I questioned, trying to surpress that bad feeling.

"We were going to try to finish planning all the events for the festival that's next week." Tadase answered. "I also wanted to discuss another topic," he added, becoming unusually serious. "The appearances of X-eggs have been declining these past few weeks and we haven't heard from Easter in a while."

"Yea." Amu agreed. "We haven't seen … them in a while." She said softly, her eyes suddenly looking down with concern. I knew that by "them" she meant a very specific person, a blue-haired person actually, who would pretty much never give up the chance in teasing her till she was crimson red in the face.

"But doesn't that mean we win though?!" Yaya prounounced enthusiastically, while chewing on a rather big piece of cake.

"We shouldn't just assume that though." Nagihiko remarked. "They could be planning something."

"That's right." Tadase agreed, a split second later the bell announcing lunch over ringing. "We can discuss this more after school then."

"Psh! I still think Easter are just being scaredy cats and we won!" Yaya cried.

"Funny you should mention scaredy cats, or should I say cat?" I spoke, narrowing my eyes towards Amu, who sweatdropped and laughed nervously, denying about knowing anything about a certain "cat."

* * *

I found myself sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office right after school. Both my mom and my dad had gone to pick me up together, which was very unusual for them both. The waiting room was quieter than usual, which I guessed because it was in the afternoon and most appointments are in the morning, but I for that reason, I found the atmostphere ominous.

I was playing with a strand of my hair, and I could sense both my parents being nervous too. My mom was writing a to-do list for her workplace but kept scratching things out rather forcefully while my dad was looking through a newspaper but was turning the pages quickly, not finding something to settle in.

"Rima Mashiro?" A nurse called, and both of my parents stood up quickly. I stood up last, a feeling of dread abrutly passing over me. I followed my parents and nurse into the doctor's room but with each step that I took, I felt my anxiety increasing. The doctor's room suddenly seemed frightening and I had an urge to go back to the waiting room, where I wouldn't know anything yet and I could remain ignorant. But I knew that I couldn't alway run away.

Both of my parents sat down on chairs in front of the doctor's desk and I sat on one in the middle. The doctor was a woman, who seemed to be in her 30s, and I probably would have found her unintimidating and maybe even pretty but she wore a solemn expression which was helping calming my fears at all.

"Could you tell us what the results are? It's just an anemia right?" My mom asked anxiously, looking at the doctor.

The doctor sighed, and in a serious voice she said, "Mr. and Mrs. Mashiro, I hope you can understand that this is hard for me too." Her eyes were filled with sorrow as she met mine. I clutched the edges of my chair hard as I felt a wave of emotions pass through me.

"What?! What is it then?!" My dad asked frantically and stood up.

"Please tell us!" My mom begged, and stood up too, her voice containing fear.

The doctor looked at both my mom and dad, before her eyes finally rested on me. In a grave voice, she said, "I'm very sorry to say this, but the test results concluded that Rima has Leukemia."

As soon as I heard these words, I felt my world shatter in pieces.

* * *

**Thx for all your reviews, especially those who review regularly! you know who you are! :D**

**I'll try to update more frequently but my classes seem to love giving me homework and lots of reading =/ **


	9. Wake Me Up When September Ends

**I've never had this many reviews from a chapter as my previous chapter did xDDD Thx! You guys make me happy and give me motivation to continue my story! x3 **

**Now to answer some of your replies ^^**

MyForbiddenDestiny - Am I really that predictable? _ haha! Well I sort of had in mind what you predicted but a little differently, this chapter should tell you how different lol xD And of course I won't be mad if you do use a similar plot! can't wait to see how you use it! ^^

HeartsTamago - This chapter will tell what type of leukemia she has. But I didn't really want to get all scientifical and write almost like a research paper (its a fanfic! xD) so I pretty much just researched about the basics xD Feel free to correct me on anything that isn't accurate!

lolicurls- Yes! I love "A Walk To Remember"! :D But actually, that movie wasn't what gave me my idea for this story xDD I saw it recently this weekend though and that movie reminded me of my fanfic too! x3 But my story won't be the same as the movie though, maybe some things will be similar but not that much xP and as for what type, read on! and like HeartsTamago, correct me if I made any mistakes on it ^^

**As for everyone else, I appreciate your reviews very much! :D **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo chara. **  
_

* * *

_

_I'm very sorry to say this, but the test results concluded that Rima has Leukemia._

My whole body froze up as soon as I heard these words. I could hear the clock behind us ticking, noises from the waiting room, cars passing by, but I felt as if all these simple things suddenly stopped, or disappeared actually. All that was left was the undeniable truth.

"Nooo…" I heard my mom say softly, dropping back into her chair, her hands covering her face.

"W-What?" My dad asked in pure disbelief, grabbing the back of the chair for support.

"That can't be right. You see I'm barely in 8th grade." I found myself saying automatically.

The doctor lowered her head. "We ran the tests 3 times to make sure it had been processed correctly but it produced the exact results each time. I'm very sorry."

My arms wrapped around me, hugging myself, as if I wanted to keep away the fear and hopelessness that was slowly devouring my body.

"So then," I said in a trembling voice softly, staring down at the floor, "I'm dying, aren't I?"

At this, my mom let out an anguished cry, and I felt her arms wrap around me, seeming as if they would never let me go. I heard my father drop hard back into his chair, and start crying softly.

"Isn't there something we could do? Anything?" My mom asked in desperation, still keeping me close to her.

The doctor raised her head, bleakness in her eyes. "There is chemotherapy."

My hands rose to my hair, remembering reading about that treatment in a book one time and I knew very well the devastating side effects of that treatment, including hair loss.

"But," the doctor continued quietly, "the type of leukemia Rima has won't respond well to chemotherapy. The only other option for the leukemia to completely go into remission would be for her to have a bone marrow transplant."

"So then we can become donors then right?" My dad questioned, raising his face from his hands, revealing grief on his face.

The doctor shook her head. "It's not that easy. Rima's blood type is rare and isn't found in many people, especially donors. Both yours and your wife's records here at the clinic show a different blood type from hers, making you both incompatible donors."

"But then," I said softly, from my mother's embrace, I asked the very question that was shaking my soul. "How much time do I have left?" My eyes met the doctor's, whose eyes held sympathy in.

"You have acute leukemia. It progresses rapidly than from chronic leukemia. We still can't be sure according to these results…but we can estimate around one year."

_One year. _Birthdays happen in a year, Christmases happen in a year, a school year happens in one year, but in year, I realized that I may not be around anymore. I clutched my mom for support and closed my eyes, as I felt fear shoot straight to my heart.

"For now, what we can do is put Rima in the National transplant waiting list and give her medication to control many of her symptoms." I suddenly heard the doctor's tone of voice change into something different, something that we haven't heard since we first learned of the results. "But don't give up hope! What Rima needs right now more than anything is support from her family and friends."

"Rima," I heard my mom keen softly, and I hugged her back, burying my face from the world, trying to hide from the anguish that was attacking my heart.

"W-Why?" My dad asked softly in a voice so full of agony that it was painful to hear.

My mom started crying softly, something that I haven't seen her do in front of me, and it scared me. "Mama, don't cry, everything's going to be okay." I said in a voice that I didn't recognize, but the truth was, I knew that everything was not going to be okay.

* * *

Night had fallen and I was curled up in a ball on my bed, still in shock of what had happened today.

The appointment at the doctor now seemed like a blur, surreal almost. After we got home from the doctor's office, my dad had gone straight to the couch and just sat there, leaned over with his hands over his face. My mom on the other hand, went to sit down at the dining table and stared at the results, as if she knew that they couldn't be true. It frightened me seeing this quiet scene in my house. The atmosphere was very disheartening, so much that I felt it suffocating me and I quickly went upstairs to my room, hoping that for now, I could forget everything and go back to the way things used to be.

But as much as I tried to, I couldn't. Terror was tugging on my soul, no matter how much I tried ignore it, its presence was still there, torturing me.

Maybe if I cry, I thought, if I can just let it all out I will be okay. I waited for the tears to come, but my eyes remained dry. I hugged my knees even closer to me, frustrated that I couldn't even do such a simple thing like crying, where before I could control my tears easily in any situation. But wouldn't tears come automatically in this situation? Why can't I cry?

"Rima…" I heard Kusukusu say, and I looked up at her and saw a distraught expression in her face, something that I've never seen before.

"I want to be with you forever. What's going to happen to me?"

I held out my hand and she hovered towards me, landing softly in it. I brought her close to my face, hugging her. I could feel tears falling from her eyes and I closed mine, not answering her question.

_

* * *

_

It's too dark. It's too dark and it's scaring me. I held out my hand in front of me, but I couldn't even see its form. I started running, trying to run away from it, but it seemed to follow me everywhere. I called out my mom, dad, the guardians, even him, but no one came. I tripped in trying to escape but I didn't bother getting up. Placing my hands on my ears, I let out a scream, as I felt the darkness, along with fear, surround me and I became aware that I was alone, and no one would come save me.

I awoke with a fright and sat up quickly. Seeing the sunlight coming in from my window, I realized that it was just a nightmare, but the emotions that I experienced felt so real and raw, that I hugged my knees and closed my eyes, trying to calm down. Thinking about school made me feel emotionally drained but I knew it was something I had to do for now, something normal.

My mom was unusually quiet this morning, as she dropped me off. I didn't get a chance to see my dad because he left earlier than usual, but I knew he was avoiding what happened as much as I was trying to. As I walked to the school, I felt everything different. Since it was September, the weather was still warm; kids were running with their friends, people were walking their dogs, but for me, the world already felt colorless. I sighed, and I turned to Kusukusu.

"Kusukusu, don't tell anyone about my results."

"Why??" She asked, flying close to me. "You need your friends with you now more than ever!"

"I'll tell them when it's the right time." I answered, walking into the school. She looked uncomfortable with the decision but she reluctantly agreed. Will the right time ever come though? I thought worriedly.

* * *

"Rima?" Amu asked.

"Earth to Rima-tan!" Yaya exclaimed, waving her hands in the air.

"Huh? Sorry, I'm feeling a bit tired." I replied quickly, snapping out of my trance.

We were having our guardian meeting as usual but I couldn't concentrate on whatever they were discussing. During the school day, I was careful to act normal so that no one would suspect anything but by the end of the day, it left me emotionally exhausted. I didn't want them to find out that I was actually terrified of my results, it wasn't the time to tell them yet.

"Weeeeeeell eat some candy then!" Yaya suggested with a smile on her face.

I found myself giving a small smile to her, even though I felt sadness pass over me. I can't tell them, not now when everyone's so happy.

"Don't worry, we're almost finished, right Tadase?" Amu asked, smiling at me,and then looking over at Tadase.

"We just need to go over some papers real quick for the festival, and we'll be through." Tadase replied.

"Ah, this festival planning stuff is really taking a lot of time in carrying out my "taking over the world" plans." Kiseki sighed, crossing his arms.

"But you never carry them out though! We do!" Ran objected, pointing a pom pom at him.

"That's true! And we never get the credit we deserve!" Miki agreed, nodding her head.

"Yea, how can you be mean to a baby dechu?" Pepe said, putting her hands on her hips.

"Uhh, that's not true! Besides the true genius is the one that comes up with the plan and that is me!" Kiseki argued, pointing a finger at himself.

"Get him!" Ran cried, and the charas zoomed past us, while Su was laughing at the scene.

"You guys…" Amu started, getting annoyed, while the other guardians joined in on the laughing.

Su noticed Kusukusu being unusually quiet, staring into space, and flew to her.

"What's wrong?" she asked, and Kusukusu quickly snapped out of her trance also.

"Oh haha nothing! Everything's great!" she replied, putting on a smile, but I could tell right away that she was having a hard time faking as well. I suddenly felt guilty, making her hide my secret just for my benefit.

"Oh yea, what were your test results Rima?" Amu asked, and my guilty feeling was soon replaced by my fear again, and I clutched the sides of the chair.

"It was just an anemia," I said in a stable voice, meeting her eyes quickly and then looking away, hating having to lie to her.

"That's good. You have to make sure to eat good then." Amu said, looking relieved.

"Yesh! Yaya will make sure you eat plenty of snacks and candy!" She exclaimed, giving me a thumbs up.

"Ummm, Yaya that's not exactly healthy." Amu spoke, laughing.

"It is in Yaya's book! And Yaya will make sure Rima-tan gets her daily dose of sugar and sweets!"

"Y-Yea." I agreed, looking down, feeling even worse when I noticed Nagihiko regarding me from the corner of my eye.

"That's good it's only that, Rima-chan." He replied, smiling at me, but something about his tone of voice and expression told me he truly didn't believe me. Great! Just what I needed.

The rest of the meeting went on as normal, but I could still feel Nagihiko observing me. He's going to ruin my plans, I thought panicking. Would it be considered inappropriate throwing a piece of Yaya's cake right into his face?

"Okay then. We'll start where we left off today in tomorrow's meeting then." Tadase said, concluding the meeting.

I don't think I've ever felt more relieved in my life, I thought, and waving a quick good bye to everyone, I ran outside to the spot where my mom usually picks me up. She wasn't there though, and looking at my cell phone, I saw that the meeting had ended earlier than usual. But how is that? It seemed like an eternity there!

Having no other option, I decided to wait then, not wanting to call her and hear her voice.

"Kusukusu," I started quietly, "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

I froze when I heard a different voice than from what I was expecting, and slowly turning around, I saw the exact person who was lucky that he didn't have a cake shot right into his face.

"Excuse me, but didn't anyone ever tell you not to eavesdrop on other people's conversations?" I asked nonchalantly and went over to sit down at the edge of the sidewalk, hoping for my mom to come for me soon.

"I wasn't eavesdropping," Nagihiko objected, teasing in his voice. "The way to my house is this way and I just happened to listen."

"Yea, 'happened' he says" I said annoyed, praying that he would go away, but instead chose to sit down next to me.

I turned away from him, placing my head on my knees, trying to surpress the nervousness that suddenly sprang up in me.

"So… the results were just anemia then?" I heard him ask quietly after a moment of silence.

Oh no.

"Yup." I said quickly, feeling fear take over me, a feeling that I knew I was going to have to get comfortable with.

"I'm relieved." The tone he had said it made me turn around to look at him and was startled at his expression, his eyes filled with sadness meeting mine and a melancholic smile on his face.

"Y-Yea." I muttered staring into his brown eyes, a rush of emotions passing through my heart. No, I can't break down here, not in front of him, please.

I stood up, planning to walk home. I'll just phone my mom and tell her that I got tired of waiting for her, anything to get away from him before I would do something that I would regret.I started walking quickly before I felt a tug on my hand.

"Let me go." I said.

He stayed quiet.

"Let me go."

"…no." he stated simply, and I turned to look at him, his expression clearly saying that he wasn't going to let me go easily.

"What do you mean you won't let me go?" I demanded, staring hard into his eyes.

"Rima-chan…I know you're lying" I turned away from him, not wanting him to see my expression of horror in my face.

"No, I'm not so let me go." I repeated, trying to keep my voice from trembling.

"I can sense that something's not right,"I heard him say softly, "please tell me the truth."

I turned to look at him, and saw that he had a frown on his face now, his eyes full of concern.

"Why do you care anyway?" I said quietly, feeling anger build up in me for having him discover me.

"Rima-chan, I'm your friend and because of that I care about-"

_Slap._

He finally let go of me and took a step backwards, bringing a hand to the side of his face, his eyes filled with pain.

"No!" I cried at him.

"You know that the only reason that we're friends is because of the guardians and Amu! If it wasn't for that we wouldn't even talk to each other!" I exclaimed at him, feeling tears fall down from my eyes, glaring at him.

"So please don't use that excuse, please don't!" I kept on crying.

"And and…" I stammared, clenching my fists at my sides, "don't act as if you truly know me… because you don't."

Nagihiko stared at me in disbelief, but then lowered his head, his bangs covering his eyes.

"Sorry…I didn't know that caring about you was such a crime." He finally said, forcing a smile on his face, even though his voice said otherwise.

He turned and walked away, and I stared at him until he turned at a corner and disappeared. As soon as he was out of my sight, I fell down on my knees and covered my mouth with my hands, as an anguished cry escaped from me. It's for the best though, I thought, it's probably the best thing that he hates me right now...right?

I saw my mom coming and I quickly stood up and composed myself. I'll cry when I get home, then I'll feel better. But once again, up in my room, I couldn't muster up the energy to cry, leaving fear and hopelessness to consume my body, with no way to escape.

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**This chapter came out longer than I expected! xD I'll try to update by next week or if I can, earlier ^^ Reviews are welcomed! x3**


	10. Alone

**Sorry for the late update! I've been really busy with school and everything, plus I also recently got sick which sucks -_- **

**Thank you all so much for your reviews! I luv u guys! x3 Haha its funny how many are already trying to predict where I'm going to go with this story xDDD I have sort of have an idea of how this story will go but even then I'm still not sure lol xD I'll try to make it original though and not have an ending so very obvious to everyone ^^**

**with that, enjoy my new chapter! :D I think this chapter came out longer than the other one xD **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara or anything related to it *sighs***

* * *

I can't. I can't face him. It was the first time that I have actually used any type of physical force on anyone and I hoped that it was the last time. I walked quickly to the classroom in the morning, hoping that I could avoid him but as soon as I turned a corner into the hallway, I saw him walking to his classroom, which of course, had to be the direction I was coming from.

His eyes met mine for a moment before quickly turning away, but not before I caught a glimpse of sorrowfulness in them. I turned my eyes down and kept on walking, as a feeling of guilt arose in me. As we passed each other, I clutched my book bag tight, trying to suppress the same set of emotions that came close to almost breaking me down yesterday. As soon I reached my classroom, I felt relief but that only lasted briefly before being replaced by melancholic feelings.

This is for the best right? I thought as I kept my book bag clutched to me in my seat. Maybe for everyone else too, if I can distance myself from them, if I slowly start disappearing from their lives…it won't be so hard on them when I completely do. I closed my eyes and hugged my book bag even closer to me, trying to keep myself pulled together as I felt that sadistic feeling of fear overpower my body, as it was always doing ever since I learned of the results.

"Rima? Are you okay?" I heard Amu's concerned voice ask.

I took a moment before I did open my eyes again and turned to Amu with a plastered smile on my face. "Yea, I'm fine, just tired."

Amu's eyes flickered with concern for a second before turning back into the bright eyes she usually had. "Okay, that's good." She replied with a smile.

I turned to face the front of the classroom again, as the teacher walked in. I have to be more careful in how I act around Amu too.

* * *

I was feeling anxious as I walked to the guardians meeting, thinking that maybe I should skip out on this one, and tell them tomorrow that I felt sick or something. No…I should probably keep things going as normal as possible, everyone would probably start to suspect something, especially him. I started walking faster, not wanting to let my uneasiness get the better of me and ditch the meeting.

I walked in on the garden and was relieved to find that only Tadase and Yaya were there, still waiting for the others to come. I found it unusual that Nagihiko wasn't there though, since he was usually was one of the first ones there to arrive. Did he think about skipping out on the meeting too and actually did? At least it's better for me though.

"Rima-tan!" Yaya exclaimed, her mouth full of cake.

"Good afternoon, Mashiro-san." Tadase said with a smile.

"Hey." I replied to them both, and sat at my chair, ready to settle into my protective state where I could keep away those undesirable feelings from gnawing at me until I heard Yaya exclaim the name of the person who could very well cause me to break apart.

"Nagi! Why did take so long! Yaya knows you're always here early!"

"That's true Fujisaki-kun," Tadase added.

I gripped the hem of my skirt as he walked up to the round table where we were sitting. Why am I so uncomfortable and nervous? I remembered the event from yesterday and I internally winced at it, knowing that he was so close to finding out about my results.

"Sorry, I forgot I had to clean the blackboard after class today," Nagihiko replied, smiling at them as he walked over to his seat. He looked over at me.

"Mashiro-san." He greeted me with a small smile, even though his eyes did not agree, glinting with hidden dejection.

I gave him a slight nod, acknowledging him and turned my eyes away from him, not wanting him to see my remorseful expression. Does he really need to make me feel this bad for what I did and said to him yesterday when I already feel horrible enough as it is? It's like he's acting like the victim, it's not fair. I clenched my fist, trying to keep my frustration with him concealed. It's not fair. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to keep the tears that were threatening to spill out at any moment. It's not fair at all… he doesn't know anything.

"Mashiro-san, are you okay? You look pale." I heard Tadase say out loud.

I opened my eyes, and quickly looked over at him. "Yea, it's just really warm in here."

"That's true; September is one of the warmest months in the year." Tadase replied, "Why don't you go outside for some fresh air while we wait for Hinamori-san?"

"Yaya can splash you with water if you want!" Yaya suggested excitedly, already looking for the water hose. "We can make a fun water balloon fight!"

"No, I'm okay." I replied, noticing that even though Nagihiko wasn't looking at me, wore a concerned expression on his face.

I need some rest, I thought, suddenly feeling extremely exhausted.

* * *

For the next few days, Nagihiko acted as a polite stranger, keeping his distance from me. In the hallways he would turn his eyes away from me as we passed each other without any acknowledgement and at meetings, he would merely greet me with a small smile and a proper "Mashiro-san" before turning away into other matters. I probably would've been great with all of this except that I could still find unhappiness in his eyes whenever he did meet my eyes straight on or a concerned look even though he was turned away from me.

I could tell that the guardians were starting to notice the strange silence and behavior between Nagihiko and me, knowing that even if I didn't really like him before, at least we had some type of communication. I had some relief that Amu hasn't asked me about it yet but I knew she would soon, and I hoped she didn't, since I don't think I could've been able to handle that with everything else going.

Things were not going good back at home. Both my mom and my dad were trying to cope with their own anguish, forgetting that I was suffering more than them. My dad dealt with his pain by avoiding both my mom and me, drowning himself into his work, leaving early and coming really late at night. I knew very well he was trying to forget what was happening, trying to avoid in actually coming face to face with the truth, but I knew it wasn't helping the situation.

My mom on the other hand, shut herself in her room a lot, and whenever she did come out, I could tell she was trying hard not to be connected with reality as well. She would clean and clean and clean, and I found myself wondering what exactly she was trying to clean, to erase in our lives.

The other time where I had seen her cry was one morning where I walked down the stairs, expecting my mom to drive me to school and instead I was greeted with eggs, bacon, toast, and other foods that I didn't usually encounter at breakfast. Rima, she said, with a smile that was too forced, I decided to make you breakfast today. Staring at the foods, I felt something wrong with this scenario, still I answered that I wasn't hungry, which was the truth.

My mom walked over to the table, and gripped the edges of it, bowing her head for a moment before slowly falling to her knees. I could not tell what her expression was until I heard soft cries coming from her, her hands still grabbing onto the table for support. Rima, she cried with pure pain in her voice, I just want you to be healthy.

Mama, I replied softly, staring down at her. It frightened me seeing her this way, and I grabbed a chair for support, fearing that the sudden rush of emotions would cause me to break down too, and I knew it would be bad if that happened. I looked at the clock and saw that school was going to start soon. I looked back at my mom, and seeing her in that state, I knew she wasn't going to be able to take me to school today. I grabbed my backpack and fighting the urge to not cry my fearful feelings out, I headed out the door to walk to school that day.

_I don't want to lose you_ were the last words I heard softly from my mom before I got a chance to close the door and not let that grief follow me throughout the rest of that day.

When I did want to cry though, I couldn't. All those undesirable feelings bottled up in me left me feeling drained, without any energy other than playing the role I had to play at school. I spent most of my time in my room, not wanting the tormenting aura that my parents were giving to suffocate me.

"Rima!" Kusukusu would exclaim, tugging on my sleeve as I lay curled up in a protective ball in bed. "Let's watch your favorite comedy show!"

"No." I would simply reply, embracing myself even tighter, trying give myself some comfort.

"Let's read your favorite gag manga! Let's go to the park! Let's go visit Amu-chan!"

I always gave out the same answer, and everytime I did, I felt a pang of guilt hit me, knowing that everytime I said no, I was hurting Kusukusu. I could've said yes, maybe just one time, but I could never find the strength to come through with it.

"Rima…" she would say softly, hopelessness written on her face. After a while, she would give up, and land on my bed, close to me. I could tell that the very same feelings I was feeling she was experiencing too, distress on her face as she looked into my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I would whisper softly, holding her close to me, knowing that there wasn't anything I could do at that moment, other than comforting each other. We would both close our eyes, sometimes staying in that position curled up in bed till morning, which was when my nightmare would suddenly attack.

* * *

_It's not normal. Darkness should never be this dark, this black, this empty. I tried escaping from it, like always, but I could never get away from it. I could feel it biting me, scratching me, attacking me, suffocating me, hitting me, crushing me, burning me, shattering me, destroying me. And I knew no matter how much I screamed, yelled, whispered, cried, begged, asked, pleaded, shouted…no one would ever come save me. _

I awoke with a start, sitting straight up and immediately clasped my hands over my mouth, suppressing the scream that was dying to escape from me.

"Rima!" Kusukusu cried, flying up to me.

I met her eyes filled with worry, and I turned away, my hands still over my mouth, trying to get rid of my emotions that still felt fresh from the nightmare. I closed my eyes, and after breathing slowly, I managed to calm myself down, and bringing my hands down, I turned to Kusukusu, "Bad dream," I said softly, somehow managing a weak smile.

Her worried expression still remained, and I bowed my head, hiding my eyes under my bangs, not letting her see my true expression. Ever since that day, I've been having that same dream torture me every night, each time waking up almost to the point of screaming and letting my fear loose. So now I can't even sleep huh? I thought, smiling bitterly at the thought of what seemed my only escape from reality.

I looked at the clock and saw that it was time for me to get ready for school. I got out of my bed and walked to my dresser, where I could see a white piece of paper mocking me on top of it. It was the results that I've somehow stolen from my mom's room during the times when she actually left the house for work. During the first few days of finding out the results, I still needed some proof for it to actually sink in, and I managed to get a hold of them, finding them deep under her drawer of important documents, and was relieved that she didn't notice them missing.

I glanced at it, my feelings of despair rising up in me, and quickly grabbed it, crumpled it and threw it to the floor, not wanting to have anything to do with it. I stared straight ahead in my mirror, and I could notice anguish in my eyes. In frustration, I rubbed them as hard as I could; trying to erase those feelings in them, but it was in vain. I could feel tears form in my eyes as I stared back at them; those aren't my eyes, were they always so dull and lifeless before? But I can't cry now, not now, I thought. I need to get ready for school.

* * *

"Riiiiiimaaaaaaaa-taaaaaaaaan!"

"Huh? What?" I said disoriented, immediately lifting my head from the table and sitting up straight as soon as I heard Yaya's voice ring out in my ears. Oh great, I managed to actually fall asleep at the meeting.

"Am I actually that boring Mashiro-san?" Tadase asked, laughing lightly as he held a paper in his hands of something he was reading to us before I took my little nap.

"Not really," I stated, quickly acquiring my usual attitude of indifference, "I was just tired."

"You seem tired a lot in class too, Rima," Amu questioned, and I felt my body tense up as I saw a hint of worry in her expression. Oh no, is it really getting that noticeable now?

"Of course, have you seen the amount of homework our teacher has been giving us?" I replied.

"You're right," Amu grumbled, "It's like all I do at home now is just homework, homework, and more homework!" Ran, Miki, and Su laughed as Amu brought her hands to her head in frustration.

I sighed quietly in relief. I was able to distract her and everyone else with that remark. But I couldn't deny what Amu had said though. It's very true that I was getting more tired than usual, and I guess a part of it was because of some pills that the doctor had prescribed to me to control my agonizing headaches that used to attack me before. But it still left me more exhausted than ever, and sleepless nights with that nightmare didn't help either.

Nagihiko wasn't looking at me, still ignoring me politely like a complete stranger, but I could still note a concerned look on his face as he played absentmindedly with a pen on his hand. I turned away from him, not wanting him to see through my façade although I was pretty sure he knew I was lying. Pretty sure.

"Okay, the last task that we need to finish is buying last-minute supplies for the festival that's in a few days." Tadase said, looking down at his list, then up at us.

"Yaya can't go shopping today because she has to take care of her baby brother!" Yaya exclaimed quickly, grabbing her stuff.

"So sorry! My mom and dad want me to take care of Ami today too," Amu spoke, looking suspiciously guilty as she glanced at me with apologetic eyes.

"I have to help my grandma with some chores, I'm very sorry" Tadase added, also looking suspiciously guilty as he looked quickly between Nagihiko and me.

Wait, so that means-

"Nagi and Rima-tan get to go shopping together then!" Yaya cried excitedly, while I saw Amu snicker quietly behind her.

It was their idea! Ugh, it was so like Amu and Yaya to plan this and then to drag naïve Tadase into it. No, I don't know if I could go shopping with him…I can make up an excuse right on the spot though!

Just as soon as I was about to state the importance of the birthday of a dear family member of mine, I heard him speak up.

"Don't worry I can go by myself, I'm sure I could manage."

I turned and glanced at him, and saw him looking at the others with a smile on his face even though his eyes didn't agree with it. So he knows that I really want to go shopping with him just as much as I really want to burn my gag manga. How nice.

"Aww, are you sure?" Amu asked, slightly disappointed at how their plan was turning out.

"Yes, I'm sure," Nagihiko replied, chuckling, and I felt an unknown feeling unravel itself in me.

Maybe it would be best if I go with him…just so that he can see that everything's fine and dandy, and that I have no secrets to hide…I can't believe I'm really about to do this.

"I'll go with him," I said in the most nonchalant way that I could, gripping the hem of my skirt tightly as I realized what I was getting myself into.

Nagihiko turned and caught my eye, his full of surprise, before quickly turning away.

"Are you sure?" He asked, and I knew then that he was probably thinking that I was too exhausted and should go home and get rest. Ha, well I was about to prove him wrong and show him that I was as healthy as I could be! (even though I really was exhausted.)

"Yes, I'm the queen aren't I?" I replied condescendingly, "I think I should be able to manage what is expected of me."

"Yay!" Yaya exclaimed. "It's like a dat-" She wasn't able to finish her sentence as Amu quickly covered her mouth with her hand, laughing nervously. They really need to learn how to execute their plans more discreetly.

* * *

Soft winds blew against my hair as we walked to the stores to finish getting the supplies. Well, I wouldn't say that we were walking together. He was a couple of steps ahead of me, so I trailed behind him, starting to think that I probably should've just gone home and taken a nap, curled up in my bed.

The sunset was painting the sky into many different, warm colors, and I turned my head down, a rush of emotions passing through me. It was around this time, around the time the sun was setting in for the night, that I felt the most heavyhearted. The thought that another day had passed so easily, without actually leaving any memorable trace in history, left me realizing that one day I would disappear easily too, and next day would go on as normal, as if nothing had happened.

I winced, my hands suddenly clenched. I should stop thinking about these thoughts; it's not safe to think about them in a place like this. I looked up and saw his hair flowing in the direction of the wind gently, making soft swishing sounds. I felt my cheeks feeling warm and turned away. He doesn't really care…does he?

I almost bumped into him when he suddenly stopped walking. "Okay, so we just need one more item and we'll be through with the list," he said. "If you want, I can go buy it myself that way, your parents don't have to worry about you being late." He turned to me with a small smile playing on his face, even though his eyes were distant.

I felt frustration rise up in me as I turned away to avoid meeting his eyes. Was he having sympathy in me? I really don't like being pitied for.

"People shouldn't worry about me, you know?" I muttered, as I looked out to where other people were walking by, going on with their normal lives. I suddenly hated them all.

"I'm capable of taking care of myself very well." I spoke more softly, looking down at the sidewalk.

I heard a soft chuckle and I turned to look at him. He was staring out into the other people too, his expression hidden by the flowing locks of his hair.

"Is that how you see it?" He asked in a tone that I couldn't recognize. He turned to me and his eyes full of regret, staring deep into mine.

My heart quickened, and I turned my back to him. "Why do you do that?" I asked, trying to keep my voice as stable as possible.

"Do what?" he asked, confused.

"_That._ You're always doing that, making me feel horrible about myself." I said, fidgeting with a lock of my hair. "…even more than what I already feel." I added softly, saying it more to myself than to him.

"Rima-chan!" he said, his voice clearly surprised. "The last thing that I want to do is to hurt you, but-"

"But what?" I asked coldly. "It's because of me, huh? It's because the way that I'm acting right?"

He stayed quiet, and I shut my eyes, trying to keep myself from having all the emotions bottled up inside my heart, spill over. Is it possible for a heart to hold so many emotions, so many feelings, and not break? Or maybe it's already broken; maybe it has been broken for a while. Is that why I can't control my tears anymore?

"Everyone's making me feel like it's my fault, when it's not…" I whispered softly, noticing the sunset gleam against the pink sky.

"…fault about what?" I heard Nagihiko ask softly, and I turned around to look at him, his expression troubled.

I shook my head. I wasn't about to tell him, not now, maybe not never. "It's nothing." I said, forcing myself to smile reluctantly.

"You're frightened about something." He stated out loud after a moment, and I felt the presence of fear start to take over my body. Did he actually notice? He can't, I thought, this is bad.

"What makes you say that?" I asked, looking down to hide my expression from him, trying to keep my voice from wavering.

"It's very noticeable in the way you act, in your eyes," he said softly after a moment of silence.

Crap! I guess I'm not that good of an actor then. I felt my face getting hot, and I hoped very much that I didn't start crying right here, in this public place.

"Rima-chan," I heard him say, and it wasn't what he said, but the way he said it, with such concern and worry that I turned to look at him, annoyance rising up in me.

"I already told you, I don't want anyone to worry about me!" I reminded him, glaring up at his eyes.

"I know, but-"

"No." I stated simply, "I thought I made it clear, we're not friends, and I hate people who pretend to be what they're not…I just want to be alone"

His eyes were full of hurt before suddenly being replaced with irritation, which caught me off guard.

"Fine, if that's what you really want." He turned and started walking ahead. I stared at him until I lost him with the wave of other people going about with their daily lives. Now I really am alone, this is good right? I started walking then, hugging myself with my arms, trying to keep off that undesirable feeling of fear off my back, trying to break me.

But I still feel sad though, I thought to myself as I walked through people. I guess I just have to get used to it.

The familiar pain that once attacked my head violently was suddenly slowly creeping in, and I put one hand up to my head, starting to walk faster. I have to get used to being by myself.

The pain started coming in stronger now, and I stopped, bringing both hands to my head now. I can learn how to stand through my problems by myself.

The pain was now excruciating, almost to the point where I wanted to collapse and cry, so I quickly went to a small, deserted place between two buildings, and knelt down, clutching my head tightly between my hands. I'm alone now…in the torturous darkness.

I took slow breaths, trying to keep pained cries escaping from my lips, when I suddenly felt a pair of arms embrace me, their warmth reassuring me.

"Rima-chan," I heard him say softly. I opened my eyes and found myself staring into his worried, auburn eyes. I didn't push him away, and it was then that I realized that I don't want to be alone at all. I thought that I had to; I thought that this was my own battle, but I don't want to fight at it alone.

"My head…it hurts again!" I cried against his body, as I felt the pain torture my head mercilessly.

I felt him start to rub my back gently, which felt comforting. In his embrace, I was surprised to find out that I actually felt safe, free from reality, free from the darkness of my dream world. I felt my cheeks become flushed, and I closed my eyes and concentrated on taking deep breaths to control the pain.

"Don't worry, I'm here." was the last thing I heard him murmur to me softly.

* * *

**Here you go! :D This chapter was originally supposed to be longer but, I wanted to have it up as soon as possible and the next few days I'm probably going to be busy studying for tests to have time to update. But if I find time this weekend, I'll update! :) If not, you can expect an update in a week or two ^^ Thank you all for your reviews again! :D and have a happy halloween! x3 **


	11. The Truth About Reality

**Uhh so tired D: I really should've been studying for a test but I just felt really lazy and rather finish this chapter xD I would've made it longer but like I said, I just been really tired these days with classes, work, homework, hanging out, and yea =/ so yea, enjoy! x3**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara blah blah blah **

* * *

*Nagihiko's POV*

I strolled by people fast as I tried to calm down my annoyance with a certain, stubborn person.

Why did she need to act that way? She wants to be alone huh? Fine, I can comply with that. She doesn't want to be friends? Okay, I can live with that. Why am I still worried about her though? I chuckled bitterly to myself. Of course. That's just how I am. That's just how I always been. Even if we're not friends, I still care about her as a person. Aren't we both guardians? Haven't we both been through a lot in our battle against Easter? But then again, Rima has always been the type of person to push people away in her time of need.

I stopped walking and looked back, the crowd of people passing on by. Something's not right. Something is not okay with Rima. Ever since that day that she got her results, she hasn't been the same. She smiles, she talks, she laughs, but there is something else present with her now. Fear. I can note it in her behavior, in her voice, in her eyes.

I turned back around and started taking a few steps but stopped again. I clenched my fist, and stared down at the ground, thinking about what she had said. She had made it clear that she wanted to be alone. But I knew very well that people, who said that expression with such dread surrounding them, clouding the person that they used to be, wanted the complete opposite.

I shouldn't have left her. Sighing, I turned and started walking back quickly to where we last where. Even if I was frustrated with her, I shouldn't have left her. I looked around in front of the store where we last had been, but there wasn't any trace of her anywhere. Where are you, Rima? I thought, a frown forming on my face. Did you truly want to be alone, isolated from everyone else?

I walked quickly, tracing our steps from the stores that we had been. But after a few minutes, I stopped and noticed the sunset slowly disappearing from the sky. It's going to get dark soon, I thought worriedly. Did she go home after all? Just as I was about to head to her house to see if she really had arrived there safely, I heard it. A small whimper coming from behind me. I turned around, and it was there that I saw her, curled up with her head between her hands, her golden hair covering almost her whole body.

"Rima!" I called out in relief, running to her in the alley that I was standing behind. A relieved smile appeared on my face before quickly disappearing as soon as I saw her up close. Her eyes were tightly shut, silent tears falling down from them. Even then, her face clearly showed agony, as she clutched her head tightly. It couldn't be…could it? Just when I thought that at least her torturous headaches had stopped, here they were, suddenly appearing and attacking her.

Not knowing what else to do in this situation, I did the first thing that came to mind. I got down to her level and embraced her, feeling her trembling body against mine. She gave a small gasp and opened her eyes, meeting mine. Instead of anger in them, like I thought they would be, they were apologetic and melancholy.

"My head…it hurts again!" She cried softly, burying her face against my body, surprising me at first but then replaced immediately with distress. A hospital or doctor. I need to take her to either one, I thought worriedly as I looked down at Rima with concerned eyes. As soon as I was going to mention it, I stopped myself. Wait, knowing Rima, she would object, no matter how much pain she was in. I didn't matter though; she was going to go to a hospital even if I had to carry her by force. Just as I was about to tell her of our trip to the hospital, she gave out another pained cry, her hands clutching handfuls of her hair in desperation. No, the hospital's too far from here, I thought in distraught. Could she really endure the pain until we made it?

I remembered when she had experienced her headache at a meeting before. I had calmed her down and that had helped a little bit until we arrived at the nurse, maybe I can calm her down here and then take her to the hospital when the pain isn't that bad. I started rubbing her back gently, comforting her.

"Don't worry, I'm here," I spoke softly to her, as I felt her breathing slow down and her grip on her head loosen. It wasn't after a while; after I had spoken soft words of comfort to her, that I noticed that she had fallen asleep, her small body rising up and down slowly as she breathed slowly against my hands on her back.

I felt relief overcome me that she wasn't in such pain anymore. I looked down at her face and saw that she actually had a peaceful expression, something that I have never seen before. Rima-chan, you never truly wanted to be alone right? I thought to myself, smiling softly at her. But why do you shove away those who care about you? I wondered wistfully. Is there something that frightening troubling you that you don't any of us to get involved with?

I looked out onto the sidewalk where fewer people where passing by quickly. Ha, well it is kind of hard to trust someone when it looks like the whole world doesn't care about anyone except their own selves, I thought resentfully, glaring at the unknown people. Did anyone thought about offering help to Rima? Did anyone even notice her alone in the alley, in the darkness by herself in pain?...Did anyone notice us right now?

I turned back to Rima, who was still sleeping soundly in my arms. I really don't want to wake her up, but it's close to being dark, I thought as I looked up at the stars starting to dot the night sky. Her parents must be really worried. Her house is not that far from here…maybe if I do this right, I can carry her gently without waking her up to her house. I still had the thought of taking her to the hospital but it's probably best that I take her to her house first, explain what happened, and have them take her instead.

She suddenly stirred and I froze, waiting for a punch, shove, or something along those lines, but she kept on sleeping. I held back a sigh of relief; if she woke up and found herself in my arms…well the outcome of that situation wouldn't be pretty to experience.

Very, very gently, I put one arm under her knees and the other under her upper body. I carefully stood up and froze, waiting for her to wake up and start kicking or screaming or both. But she stayed perfectly still, remaining lost in her dreams. I started walking, hoping no one would find it odd seeing a long-haired boy carrying a long-haired unconscious girl at night. Of course, no one did.

* * *

I stood outside her house door, thinking of a good way to explain why a boy was carrying their sleeping daughter to their house so late and not look suspicious. I looked down at her and sighed. Oh well, here goes nothing.

I rang the doorbell and immediately a second after before I could prepare myself, the door swung open. "Rima!" her mom breathed worriedly, placing her hand on her daugher's cheek. "What happened? I've been calling her repeatedly but her cellphone always sent me to voice mail, and her father's out looking for her too," she said distressed, not taking her eyes off of Rima.

Should I tell her the truth? I thought looking at her mom concerned, I didn't want to worry her parents any more than what they already were.

"I'm so sorry it got late, Mrs. Mashiro," I started in a calm voice, "We were both out shopping for supplies for the upcoming festival and Rima didn't feel well, so we stopped to rest at a bench and she fell asleep." There. That sounds better telling that I had left her alone and found her in a dark alley by herself, crying in pain. "I was thinking about taking her to a doctor, but I thought it would be best if I brought her to her parents first."

"A doctor." Mrs. Mashiro said quietly and finally looked up to look at the person who had brought her daughter home. I wasn't expecting her expression and was taken back a little. Her eyes looked lifeless, and as she gave a small sad smile at me, I could feel hopelessness radiating from her.

"Thank you for bringing her home," she said softly, and looked back down at Rima. "I'm so glad you're okay," I heard her murmur softly to her with such relief, and I turned away, feeling uncomfortable. Something was definitely wrong.

"Would you mind taking her up to her room?" I heard her mom ask softly, and I turned back to look at her. "I have to call her dad and tell her that she's home and fine now," she said, still smiling a sad smile at me.

"Oh, of course." I replied surprised, not expecting her to ask me that. I walked in quietly, careful not to wake up Rima.

"Her room's on the left," I heard her mom add, and I gave her a nod, before slowly going up the stairs.

I opened the door to her room, and immediately saw that she had a pile of gag mangas piled up in one corner of her room. I chuckled softly to myself and walked over to bed. Slowly and gently, I managed to lay her down without moving her a lot. Her eyes never opened, they stayed shut with that peaceful expression on her face. She appeared innocent and childlike to me in that moment and I smiled slightly, relieved to see her free from her pain, also from her fear that seemed to be present with her now recently. I noticed a blanket on the end of her bed, and used it to cover her so that she wouldn't get cold.

"I'm sorry, Rima," I whispered softly to her, "…I shouldn't have left you by yourself." I felt frustration rise up in me, and I clenched my fists. It was my fault, if it wasn't for me leaving her, this wouldn't have happened. I sighed and unclenched them. There was no point in getting angry now though, I would apologize properly to her tomorrow at school. I stroked her cheek gently and stood up to leave.

Just as I was about to step out of the room, I noticed a crumbled paper on her floor, looking out of place. I picked it out, and was about to throw it in her trashcan, when I noticed that it had a doctor's name on it.

Could it be? I thought, suddenly feeling tense. I opened up the paper, and it was right at this moment that I knew that opening it was a mistake. It was at this precise moment in time that I knew that everything wasn't going to be the same, for me, for her, for everyone else.

I looked at the paper that my trembling hands were holding, and I felt my blood turn to ice as I stared at the dreaded word that send chills down my spine.

_Leukemia._

**Thanks for all your reviews! :D Like always, I'll try to update again in a week or two, if not, expect an update during thanksgiving weekend when I get to go back home again! :) finally some rest! haha xDDD **


	12. Tears?

**So sorry for the late update! I've been really busy with classes and everything D: Everytime I would set aside some time at nights to write out the chapter, something always happened and I ended up going out with friends and not coming back to my room till late at night =/ It's been fun, but sometimes I even forget to set time aside to study for classes and everything gets really tiring =/ But I guess that's college for you haha xDD I also thought that I would write more once I got back to my house for thanksgiving but I've been busy here as well, hanging out with old friends and I still need to read D: But here it is, I managed to finish it before leaving back tomorrow! Enjoy! :D Thank you for all your reviews, they make me so happy! x3**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara or anything pertaining to it, and yea.**

* * *

*Nagihiko's POV*

_Leukemia_

How long was it? How long was it that I stared at that horrifying word printed on that paper, willing it to change into something less terrifying, less fearful? Time at this moment seemed confusing, like if I had lost sense of it. I couldn't remember at what point I had dropped the paper from my shakings hands, at what point I dropped to my knees, at what point everything suddenly just ceased to exist…except this very moment that I was living through.

I found myself staring at Rima, who kept sleeping soundly. Her long, curly gold locks were sprawled across the pillow as she breathed softly, her small body rising ever so slightly with each breath that she took. I felt like it was the first time I was truly seeing her. Were her cheeks always that rosy, despite the paleness of her skin? Were her eyelashes always that long? Was her hair always that bright gold color?...Was she always living her life in fear now?

As if to answer that question, she gave a small whimper and stirred slightly, her face turning into a troubled expression. I automatically reached for her hand gently, careful not to wake her up, as I felt a rush of emotions pierce painfully through me and I closed my eyes tightly, trying to contain them in. No, this can't be real right? Rima is fine, nothing is going to happen to her, this is just a delusion, an illusion. But as I much as I wanted to believe that, I knew that this was reality. Everything, the emotions, the surroundings, the truth felt strong, tortuously strong.

I opened my eyes and saw that Rima still remained in that state of unconsciousness, where I hoped she was at least able to escape from her fears and worries that obviously harassed her throughout the day. My hand was still holding on to her soft, petite one, and I held it firmly, trying to figure out what to do, how to rid myself of all these feelings that were building up inside me before I lost any of the control that I had.

The door opened quietly, and I slowly turned around, to see that Rima's mom in the doorway.

"Everything okay?" She asked, and I couldn't help but stare at her with exhausted eyes and finally understand the meaning behind her actions, behind her words.

She did not seem to notice that I didn't answer her, or that I was kneeling on the floor with her daughter's hand in mine. In her bleak eyes, I could see that for her, nothing else mattered or existed except for the person that she has cared for all these years, only to be on the edge of losing her, having her disappear from her reach.

I let go of Rima's hand and stood up as she came over and for a moment, looked at her daughter before falling to her knees in hopelessness. I heard a sniffle and saw that she started crying softly on the edge of Rima's bed, her arms on the bed with her head hiding in them.

" Rima…" she grieved softly, in a voice full of pain and suffering.

No, this scene is wrong, I thought as I looked on what was happening. This isn't supposed to be happening. She's supposed to be doing homework, or reading her gag manga, something that isn't this.

I found the atmosphere to be fragile and dreary, too much that I could feel it suffocating me. I looked down to the floor, and closed my eyes, trying to forget or to erase everything that had happened, everything that was happening right now, but it was in vain. I knew that I had to get out of here right away before it consumed me completely.

For the first time in my life, despite years of my mother's teachings on correct manners and behaviors, I left without saying goodbye in a visitor's house.

* * *

I couldn't remember how exactly I got to my room. As I walked from Rima's house to mine, everything had seemed surreal; everything seemed to blend together and became insignificant to me.

I was still debating whether the paper that I had seen with that fearful writing was real, but from the undesirable feelings that were gnawing at me; I knew that I couldn't deny it.

I found myself sitting at my bed and I brought a hand to my face, still trying to figure out how to deal with this emotional conflict within me. Was Rima ever going to tell Amu, her best friend who at helped her out at first? Was she ever going to tell Yaya, someone who was always offering her sweets and making her be more playful? Was she ever going to tell Tadase, someone who was always polite and nice to her, offering help in any problem that she was in?...Was she ever going to tell me, someone who obviously wasn't her most favorite person?

I suddenly heard a soft cry, and it was after a moment that I realized that it had come from me. I clasped my mouth with one of my hands, trying to gain control of myself. No, crying won't help at all; it will only make things worse. At this thought, my mother's words flashed through my mind.

"_Nagihiko," a soft, soothing voice spoke", did you know crying can be good for the soul? All those bad feelings are released through tears, leaving you with the good ones."_

"_But doesn't that mean you're not strong enough to handle all those feelings?" I had asked, looking up at her, as she stroked my hair gently. "And sometimes, even after crying you don't feel any better."_

"_Well, maybe crying won't make everything all right but it helps you, somehow it helps." She answered, her gentle hand passing over the side of my face, as I stared into her deep, hazel eyes. I easily could see that there was a melancholy feeling in them. _

"_Mom, don't be sad," I had said softly to her, as I took her hand from my face into my own hand._

_She laughed softly, and looked out to the window. "It just hurts me putting you through this, I see you playing the role of a girl, and I can't help but notice your aura, wishing you could act the way that you truly want. And yet, you deny that nothing is wrong." She looked back at me, her eyes apologetic. "I just wish you wouldn't act so strong all the time, you know you are allowed to express your feelings instead of keeping them in." _

But I never did. Even if I did cry, I still had go on and keep on wearing the mask of a female, even though the role I truly wanted to play was that of a male.

Would crying really help? Is Rima trying to be strong throughout her conflict too, wearing a mask to hide her true emotions? That's not right though, she's allowed to cry. I can't. Boys are not supposed to cry.

Still I could feel tears start to roll down from my eyes, and I laid down on my bed, letting them flow out quietly.

Should I confront her? But if she didn't tell me, if she didn't tell any of us, then there must be a reason right? I groaned out loud, not knowing how I should react or what I should do the next time I saw her. Is Rima really an important person to me after all?

I brought a hand to my cheek, and saw that it was still wet from the tears that kept on coming. I chuckled bitterly to myself, wiping down the tears from my face. Boys are really not supposed to cry.

* * *

"_Mama, Papa, look!" I exclaimed happily as attempted to make an amusing face with my small hands. _

_Cheerful laughter was heard from three adults who were sitting at sofas in our living room._

"_Rima-chan, you never fail to make us laugh," my mom said, wiping tears from her eyes from all that she was laughing. _

"_You sure have a vibrant daughter," my parents' friend said, still giggling," I wouldn't be surprised if I saw her on a stage one day," she ended, smiling sincerely at me. _

"_Of course!" my dad replied proudly. "Rima has always been very funny; it would be a crime if she didn't share her humor with the world!"_

"_Is that what you want to be, Rima-chan?" My parent's friend asked me, her eyes warm._

_I nodded my head, my semi-long golden curls bouncing as I did. "I do! I want to make everyone laugh!" I exclaimed enthusiastically, smiling at her. "But most of all, I want to make Mama and Papa laugh forever and ever!" _

_I turned to look at them and saw that they were laughing joyfully at my remark._

"_Rima-chan, you always make us laugh," my dad said sweetly, his eyes sparkling._

"_So then are you proud of me?" I asked anxiously, rocking back and forth on my tippy toes._

"_We have always been proud of you, Rima," my mom replied lovingly, her face holding a soft expression. "Whatever you want to do when you grow up, we will always be proud of you no matter what." _

"_You have you whole life ahead of you, I say do whatever makes you happy," my dad added adoringly._

"_Whatever I want?" I asked excitedly. I had never given much thought of what I wanted to be when I grew up except a comedian, but at hearing this, many thoughts and ideas raced through my head. A chief? A writer? A movie star? The possibilities were endless._

_My mom nodded. "As long as you're happy, we're happy," she said her voice full of affection._

_I smiled gleefully back at them, my eyes big with exhilaration as I stared back at them, both with tender expressions, and by their bright eyes, I could tell that they were excited as I was too. At this moment I felt as if anything was possible, anything that the world had to offer was at my reach. My future seemed bright and colorful, with no obstacles blocking my way. And as long as my mom and dad were with me, everything was going to be okay. As long as we all kept on laughing, everything was going to be all right. _

But they lied.

I opened my eyes, and was startled to find myself where I was, in the undesirable present. I felt something wet and it wasn't until I brought a hand to my face that I noticed that I had been crying. Had I cried during my dream? It didn't feel like it was a dream though, I thought as I closed my eyes, trying to bring back that happy fantasy. But I knew that no matter how much I yearned for that time in my life, I could never exist within it.

I felt despair and pain tugging on my soul, and I winced, wrapping my arms around myself. If could only be little again, when I knew nothing of this pain smothering me, when my parents were still happy, when I didn't have a ticking clock hanging over me. If I could only rewind to that time, and pause it, never moving forward, never moving backward, only staying in that state of serenity.

"Rima?" Kusukusu asked, flying up to me, her eyes full of worry.

"Good morning," I said quietly, sitting up, wiping away my tears.

"Don't cry," she said softly, in a pleading voice.

"I'm not, I just had a bad dream," I said softly, looking down at my bed. Wait, bed? I quickly snapped my head up and looked around. Wait…I don't remember getting to my room here, or did I? I thought anxiously.

"Kusukusu, what happened-" I started asking her until I felt a recollection of last night hit me. Nagihiko, I thought, didn't he get mad at me? He left me. But when my headache struck, he came back didn't he?

I felt a blush playing on my cheeks as pieces of last night started to fit together. I remember being warm, in an embrace, I was in his arms? But, I actually felt safe, where despite my headache nothing could harm me.

How did I get in my bed then? Did he call my mom to pick me up? Or did he actually carry me here all the way? I really hoped for the first option.

Last night felt different though. The darkness did haunt my dreams at first, but it had a different feeling to it, I could sense a bit of hope hidden throughout the frightening darkness, which led to my remembrance of my enchanted past.

I brought my arms to my chest, trying to keep away that presence of despair and hopelessness that always haunted me. I should really stop thinking about my dream, or what happened last night, I thought, closing my eyes. I should be preparing myself mentally and emotionally in facing another day of school, and focus in behaving like a regular girl with a regular life, where nothing is wrong.

"Rima, what were you going to ask me?" Kusukusu asked, landing on my bed.

I felt the corners of my mouth twitch into a smile and answered, "Nothing, something not important."

"Oh," she replied, her mouth turning into a frown and I looked away, knowing that what I was suffering she was suffering too. But I couldn't think about that right now, I didn't need another reason that would contribute to my sorrow.

* * *

After getting ready for school, I headed downstairs and found my mom in the kitchen.

"_As long as you're happy, we're happy."_

I stopped as soon as pieces of my dream ran through my mind, with my mother's once smiling face appearing, fogging reality. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. No, I can't keep on thinking about this, if I do, then everything is going to be really bad.

"Rima," I heard my mom's soft voice say, and I opened my eyes to find her attempting to smile at me, although her eyes said otherwise.

"M-Mom," I said quietly, clenching my book bag firmly and looking down, away from her face. No, I just have to completely forget about that dream, forget that past never existed.

"Um, mom," I started, bringing my head up to meet her eyes again, "last night, did someone bring me or…"

"Are you asking about your friend?" She asked, and I felt my heart quicken. Damn, so Nagihiko really did bring me.

"O-Oh, okay, It's cause last night I was really tired and I really couldn't remember exactly what happened," I mumbled, trying to see if I could actually recall him bringing me. "I'm going to school now," I said starting to walk to the door.

"Rima?" I heard my mom ask quietly, and I slowly turned around, afraid of what she might say.

"Yes mom?" I asked, hoping that she wouldn't ask anything more of last night.

"Your friend…does he-?" she started but then sighed, and shaking her head she said," never mind, it's nothing important."

I stared at her deep, bleak eyes trying to figure out what she was going to ask. Nagihiko what?

"Okay." I said softly, and quickly walked out the door, shutting it behind me. What was my mother going to ask? I thought, slowly walking to school. He doesn't…know right? My heart skipped a beat at the thought of this. No, no he can't, not unless my mom told him, and by her reaction, I don't think she did.

I looked up at the bright blue sky, with big white clouds, decorating it. It was probably nothing important. But I guess I should probably thank him for bringing me home. I took a slow breath, trying to calm myself down. Yea, I'll just thank him and that will be the end of that.

* * *

**Again thank you for all your reviews! :D I'll try to update in a week or two, but since finals are so close, I'll probably end up updating after I'm finished with them =/ Once winter vacation starts, I'll have pretty much a month before next semester (yay!! ) so I'll be updating more frequently and the story will hopefully be moving more quickly ^^ Don't forget to review! :)**


	13. I can't, I can't

**Again, I planned updating earlier but I've been busy with finals and lack of sleep -_- I'm oh so very glad to be going home to rest and sleep all that I want xD I enjoyed writing this chapter, hopefully its good since I guess its a pretty important chapter lol xD if not, blame it on my tiredness! xP Enjoy! :D**_

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_

_He was sure no one knew of this place. No one ever came here as far as he knew; it felt as if this place was created especially for him. The sun sparkled against the small lake, shining bright colors against the green grass. Flowers dotted the field, their pink and white petals weaving a beautiful design throughout. A single tree was found near the lake, and at first he thought the tree looked lonely. But spending more time in this place, he saw that the tree wasn't lonely. Yes, the tree was alone in this vast field, but maybe the tree liked being alone. Being the only one of its kind in this peaceful scenario, being away from the world, the tree was alone but it was happy because of it. He could understand this because here, he could also be alone from everyone, everything but still be himself, be happy. _

_So it was only natural for him to be taken back when he saw a small figure intruding his own little world. Taking soft steps, he saw that it was a girl, a small, petite person. A small rise of frustration rose within him; this place was supposed to be only his, and to find such a person easily entering it didn't exactly make it his anymore. But as he got closer to her, his frustration was replaced with concern. _

_She was lying on the soft grass, her face pressed against it as flowers surrounded her. He probably wouldn't have thought much of it except that he noticed that she wasn't okay. Tears softly ran down the girl's face, staining her cheek and the earth. But she wasn't crying out loud as he knew girls would do. Her eyes were closed, with one hand pressed firmly against her ear facing the sky, while the other one was pressed against the green grass. _

_Stopping a few steps from her, he couldn't help but stare at her. She didn't seem to notice him, or anything else for that matter. For him, it appeared that nothing at this moment existed to her, only herself and her own world in her mind. The scene before him almost seemed dreamlike; for a moment he thought about staying still as long as she was before him, she seemed fragile to him and any sudden movements might break this girl's dream. _

_But he bit his lip as he felt worry settle into his heart. As long as she was here, she had suddenly become part of his world, and he could not have his world in distress. _

_Taking slow steps, he bend down in front of her, meeting her closed, tearful, eyes. _

"_Are you okay?" he asked softly, trying not to startle the small girl. She kept her eyes closed, her side of her face still pressed against the ground, tears still falling down._

_He knew he had to do something, say something, he thought frowning, looking at her with uneasy eyes until he felt a small flutter near him. Turning his head to acknowledge the delicate sound, he turned back to her with a soft smile._

"_Hey," the small boy started quietly, "did you know there's something special about butterflies?"_

* * *

I felt the cookie make soft, crunching sounds as I broke off small pieces of it with one hand, although I had no intention of eating any of it.

"Did that really had to happen?" I heard Amu's disappointed voice ask the surrounding guardians.

"I'm afraid so," Tadase said apologetically, "It turns out many classes aren't ready yet with what they want to do for the festival."

"But," he added lightly," it will happen, just a few days later than the expected date."

"Oh, okay," I heard Amu's relieved voice, along with other voices of agreement.

I didn't bother raising my head up, still absorbed in my task of breaking the cookie on my plate into small chunks and crumbs as possible. Today had been the same as usual, I somehow managed not to let that dream of mine last night bother me throughout the day. But as always, just going through the motions of life left me feeling drained. With my thumb, I pressed hard against a small piece of the cookie, trying to make it into fine powder. As long as no one found out, everything can remain the same as usual or, at least for them.

"Yaya just has a question!" Yaya exclaimed, raising her hand high.

"What is it, Yuiki-san?" Tadase questioned, and I felt a finger being pointed at me.

"Rima-tan is playing with her food and not eating it!" She accused like a little kid, or should I say she accused because she IS a little kid.

"Yuiki-san," Tadase replied, laughing casually.

"Yaya, no one likes a tattletale," I heard Amu reprehend her while Yaya squirmed in her seat.

"No! Yaya is not a tattletale or whatever that is…Yaya is just reporting everything that she sees to everyone so they would all know the awful deed that Rima-tan is doing!" Yaya blurted.

"Which is sort of what tattletale means, "I heard Amu say under her breath and her charas giggled.

"I'm not playing with my food, and a cookie is not a real food anyway," I said, lifting up my head to look at Yaya's horrified face at my statement.

"Then what do you consider a cookie, Rima-chan?" I heard a flowing voice ask, and I glanced quickly at the person who had said it. As much as I didn't want to, I still hadn't properly thanked Nagihiko for bringing me, or actually carrying me home last night. I hadn't seen him as I usually did in the morning, but it wasn't that which was making uncomfortable.

His composure wasn't the same peaceful self as he usually was. He had a hand under his chin while his elbow was at the table, resting his head. His eyes were closed but exhaustion was clearly written on his face. He opened his eyes and looked at me, waiting for me to respond his question.

"Um, I don't know," I replied quickly, and he smiled, but even then I could tell right away it wasn't one of his sweet, sickening smiles that he always had. His eyes also looked empty, void of any emotion at all, and as much I hated to admit it, I didn't like it at all. I broke my gaze away from him and back to my plate of crunched cookies.

"Nagi, are you okay?" I heard Amu ask, concerned

They had noticed too then?

"Yes, sleepless night last night," I heard him reply casually.

"Why, Fujisaki-san?" Tadase questioned also.

"Bad dreams," he said, and as I stared down into my plate, I could feel his gaze on me before turning away to Amu.

"But enough about me, weren't we discussing how Yaya-chan is a tattletale?"

"Nagi! Not you too!" Yaya's voice cried out in complaint while laughter rang out.

* * *

I was glad the meeting went by fast, fatigue was starting to set in on me and a nap at home was sounding better and better.

He wasn't …angry at me was he? I thought to myself as I walked out of the garden to where my mom usually picked me up. The air around him definitely felt heavy though, but it must be something else that must be bothering him, because as far as I knew, I hadn't done anything wrong. Unless he was still mad about the slap? I cringed internally remembering the event. But that was a long time ago, well maybe not a long time ago but time had passed now. Then what? The way he was regarding me, I knew I had something to do with it.

I slapped myself on the forehead, events of yesterday passing through my mind. Oh yea! Before he took me home, before one of my excruciating headaches had attacked me, I had said some mean words to him. But it's true; he shouldn't be getting into other people's problems!

I felt my phone vibrate and I picked it up, arriving at the spot where my mom usually was.

"Rima?" I heard my mom's tense voice on the other end.

"Mom?" I asked, confused.

"Rima! I'm so sorry, I got held up at work and I tried calling your dad many times but he wouldn't pick up and I tried letting my boss know that I had to pick up but he insisted on me staying-"

"Mom," I said, breaking her rushed speaking. "It's okay, I can walk home by myself-"

"No!" My mom exclaimed, "Just wait for me, I'll get out of work soon, I'll talk to my boss-"

"How long do you expect me to wait?" I asked, frustrated and anxious to get home as soon as possible.

"Rima…just wait for me, don't go anywhere…please." My mother's desperate voice softly spoke through the cell phone.

I stayed quiet for a moment before answering her.

"Okay. I'll see you later then." I replied blankly to her and hung up before any of her pained words wounded me any further.

"Well, Kusukusu," I started, looking up at her in an attempt to smile even though it hurt my face to arrange such an expression. "I guess we'll have to have wait before my mom comes. Who knows? Might be a long wait."

I could see her eyes were sincere as she tried to smile and giggle but I knew that there's was no point in faking.

I sat down at the curb on the sidewalk and brought my knees close to me, as I stared at the other passing cars.

Is there something more to life other than this? Despite my illness, can I still go back to a time where I used to be careless about anything? Back to a time when everything didn't seem so bleak?

I closed my eyes and hugged myself even tighter, trying to forget my cold surroundings.

_Can I?_

"I heard that a knee makes a good pillow when you're down," a gentle voice spoke.

Startled, I opened my eyes and turned around to find Nagihiko standing behind me, with a small teasing smile on his face.

"So?" He questioned with a light tone to his voice," Is it comfortable? Do you recommend it?"

"Yes, it is very comfortable, I was just planning on sleeping here throughout the whole night because this is more comfortable than my warm bed," I answered back with a sarcastic tone.

"Oh," he said thoughtfully, and to my surprise, he took a seat next to me and imitated my position, bringing his knees close to him.

"You know, this is actually comfortable," he said, and I shook my head.

"You're stupid," I said quietly, which only caused him to chuckle.

"I am," he replied, meeting my eyes and smiled before turning out into the street.

I felt my cheeks getting unusually warm and turned away to the other side, frowning to myself. He wasn't mad then? But as I sneaked a peek at him from the corner of my eye, I noticed that there still wasn't something right about him. His aura had a different feeling to it, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Even though he was smiling and acting all annoying as usual, his smile still didn't reach his eyes, remaining expressionless.

A small breeze blew, locks of my hair flowing towards the direction of it. As I stole a glance at him from my side, I saw that his hair was also dancing in the wind.

"Why is your hair so long?" I suddenly questioned out loud too him.

"Hmm?" he asked, turning to face me.

"Your hair, it's not normal for a boy to have hair that long, people might think something else," I stated bluntly.

He picked up a lock of his long, dark hair and stared at it for a moment before letting it flow freely.

"I don't know…" he said softly, and stretching out his legs, looked out towards the sky.

I studied him curiously from the protection of my secure position, until he spoke again.

"I don't know," he repeated louder, and brought his gaze from the sky down to me again. "…I guess it's just something that I'm holding onto and can't seem to let go."

Something he's holding onto? I thought confused as I meet his deep eyes.

"Well, that's stupid," I mumbled to myself, feeling a knot in my stomach and looked at the ground.

"You think it's stupid?" I heard Nagihiko asked in a voice not exactly offended, but perplexed.

"…Yes." I said after a pause. "It's pointless to hold onto things…especially if they aren't there anymore," I ended softly, mostly to myself and closed my eyes. It's pointless, I thought. The happy life that I was trying so hard to cling on, it was pointless. No matter how much I yearned for it, no matter how much I wished for it, I knew that it was something that was unattainable, and realizing that, it hurt.

"That's an interesting way of putting it," I heard Nagihiko say softly after a moment, and felt him stand up.

I let out a small breath of relief, thinking that he was going to go home, but suddenly heard a movement in front of me.

"H-Hey!" I exclaimed, raising my head up and finding him taking a seat in front of me, so that we were face to face.

"Would you care to expand on that thought, Rima-chan?" he asked kindly, making it a point to stare into my eyes.

" G-Get up, will you?" I stuttered, my cheeks feeling unusually warm again. "Aren't you scared that cars are going to come and you know…run over you?"

He let out a small chuckle. "Cars are known for doing that if you sit out in the road but," he looked both ways of the street before turning back to me, "I don't see any right now so I think I'll be just fine."

"Well, when they do come, they come pretty fast," I added, looking both ways of the road also.

"Don't worry," he said with a smirk, "I can be faster."

"Whatever," I mumbled and looked away from his face, getting that uncomfortable feeling again.

"Let us not get off the subject now," I heard him say, "You still haven't explained what you meant when you said it was pointless."

I peeked at look at him from under my arms and saw that even though he had a smile on his face, his eyes were serious. I thought it was better than them being all empty but I admit, it intimidated me a bit.

"N-Nothing," I said quietly, looking away and out into the street.

"No," I heard him object," I'm sure it was something."

"It was nothing," I argued, still not looking at him.

"Rima-chan…" he said softly, and was taken back when I felt his hands on either side of my face, turning my head back gently to meet his eyes.

"W-What?!" I blurted, taking his hands off my face. It was then when I met his dark eyes, his mouth in a firm line, that I felt a bad, ominous feeling pass through me. I widened my eyes at him, knowing that if I didn't get out of here quickly, something bad was going to happen. I quickly stood up and was already in a run, until I felt a soft hand pull me back.

Without thinking, I turned around and raised my free hand, but before it could make contact with his face, he stopped it, holding it with his other hand so that both of my hands were in his grip.

"See?" he said in a tone that I didn't recognize, "Didn't I tell you I was fast?"

As I stared up at his weary eyes, that menacing feeling build up in me, and was astounded to find myself laughing. In this situation, where I should've been trying to break free from his grip on my hands, trying to kick him, or even beg for him to let me go, I was actually laughing like an insane person.

"W-Wow," I managed to say in between laughs," I-I guess you weren't kidding."

"Of course," he said in a light voice, even though his eyes were deeply unhumorous, "I don't lie."

"Of course," I echoed back, trying to stop my crazed laughter.

"But it's sad that I can't say the same for you."

At that I stopped laughing, and looked up at him.

"What do you mean?" I asked darkly, and when he did not respond, I tried pulling away from him.

"I don't lie," I added, feeling the situation get frightening every second. "So with that cleared up, let go of me."

"Oh, really?" he asked, his tone suddenly changed. "So then everything's okay with you? Everything's fine?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed, looking away. "Everything's okay, everything's great! Why wouldn't it be?"

"So then why do you always seem so fearful all the time then?" he asked loudly, and I cringed, knowing that it was the truth.

"Why are you raising your voice at me? I didn't do anything!" I asserted, trying to break from his grip.

"Why?" he asked quietly, and I stopped struggling.

"Why what?" I demanded and was not prepared when I looked up and met his eyes. His eyes had a flash of anger in them, and it startled me, never having seen him like this.

"You…" I said softly, realizing my deepest fear.

"Why do you keep on lying? Why do you keep on lying to Amu?" He kept asking, his voice raising. "Why do you keep on lying to the others? Why do you keep lying to me?"

"But I'm not…" I said quietly, in a state of shock. His frightening demeanor, which was usually peaceful, wasn't helping at all.

"See! You keep on lying!" he suddenly exclaimed, his grip on my hands tightening. I widened my eyes at him, fear pulsing through me so much that I felt petrified, unable to move, unable to get away.

"P-Please," I begged in a voice that wasn't my own, "don't."

"Don't keep on lying! Because-" he cried but I cut him off, feeling my legs give out and fell down to the side walk.

"Don't," I said more loudly, not wanting to hear the words that would destroy the shield that I have been building to protect me.

He fell to his knees too, and looked deep into my eyes, my hands still in his hard grip.

"Don't lie anymore!" he kept on exclaiming, his wide eyes looking into mine.

"Don't!" I pleaded, willing him not to say it.

"Because-"

"Don't! Don't!" I cried, almost to the point of screaming. He can't, he can't, he can't because if he does then-

"Because I know!" he yelled, and with this, I felt something break within me. Those excruciating feelings of torment that I've been trying hard to keep away were suddenly loose, attacking me. For a moment, there was silence, the whole world muted. I did not realize at what point he released my hands from his firm grip. All I could do was stare blankly at him. I could not tell what sort of expression he held in his deep eyes as he gazed intensely into mine.

He slightly opened his mouth, trying to speak but couldn't find the words.

"R-Rima," he finally stuttered softly, but then sighed deeply and lowered his head for a moment, hiding his expression under locks of his long, flowing hair. My breathing came in ragged, my chest hurting more and more each time I took a breath, as if my lungs were torn up.

When he raised his eyes back to me, his eyes were full of anguish, speaking all the words that didn't need to be spoken out loud.

I tried opening my mouth and saying something, anything, but all that came out were incomprehensible sounds, the words getting caught in my throat.

"R-Rima?" Nagihiko asked, raising his hand slightly, as if debating whether or not to touch me, but I knew what his action was going to be. Knowing him, the kind, helpful person he was, of course he would comfort whoever was in trouble. But he shouldn't, he can't.

My breathing came in faster now, as I felt everything gradually crashing in. The doctor's offices, the results, my parents, Kusu-Kusu, were running through my mind. I let out a small whimper as I felt the burden of all of this start to painfully suffocate me, but I couldn't handle anything else, anything else and I would be at my limit. Anything else, I would lose control of everything, and then I would be left with nothing.

"Rima." As I felt him place his warm hand gently on my shoulder, everything suddenly turned clearer, sharper as I felt that barrier shatter that has restrained me doing what I wanted to do all along.

I let out an agonized scream, letting all my emotions, everything that had been hidden from the world, come to the surface. Warm arms embraced me as I brought my hands to my mouth, trying to stop my uncontrollable sobbing but it was in vain. Fear gripped my heart in a painful clasp as I cried into his chest, knowing that now that I had lost any control that I had, my nightmare was free to come true, the darkness could devour me.

Nagihiko hadn't said a word, but I knew from his embrace, his ambience that he understood, he actually understood.

"I-I'm I'm," I cried through my tears, saying out loud the one thing I have been wanting to cry out to the world.

_"...I'm scared."_

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**Thanks for all your reviews! :D They motivate me to keep on writing! x3 Like I said before, expect an update soon now that winter break is finally here! =] Finals are overs and I did pretty good on all of them! **


	14. Two Hands Were Connected

**So here is the next update! :D Hopefully I didn't take too long lol xD I've been enjoying my winter vacation for the most part, just spending time with the family and old friends :) Although I'm starting to miss dorm life, seeing my friends everyday, hanging out till late at night, doing whatever I want, that stuff sticks with you xDDDD anyways, enjoy! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara, or anything of its characters, sadly. **

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"Is that the only option then?" A soft voice asked out from dim darkness, where the only light source was the moon's glow, shining through my window.

"Yea." I answered in a quiet tone, feeling the slightest bit of warmth of the body beside me.

"A transplant?"

"Yea," I repeated, a feeble hint of frustration rising in me, but I knew that him being him, he was only trying to get as much information as possible.

"I see…"

From the corner of my eye, I saw him cast his gaze downward to the floor, his eyes growing distant. I brought my knees close to me, as earlier events passed through my mind.

I didn't really know how long I had been crying in his arms as I struggled to collect myself. The whole scene seemed surreal; the only thing plaguing my mind at moment was the realization of my true fear. I vaguely recalled hearing voices of concerns every now and then as strangers passed on by, going to the market, going to visit friends, or going to some other place as they went on with their daily lives. A strong emotion at the voice of someone else would suddenly pass quickly through me, stopping my tears for a second. It wasn't until I heard Nagihiko's collected voice assuring the unknown person that everything was all right, that I recognized it as anger. I actually got angry because unlike me, that stranger could go on and live a life normally, not having the terror of knowing when their time on earth would end, when they would disappear. Fresh tears would start running down from my eyes again, as a tremor struck at my soul.

Nagihiko was mostly quiet throughout the whole ordeal. Occasionally, I would feel a soft, warm hand rub my back gently which helped me calm down a bit, letting me know that for now, I wasn't alone. It wasn't until my tears had stopped falling, and that I had steadied my breathing, that I became aware of the person who had comforted me, whose embrace I was in.

He spoke soft reassuring words after he noticed that I was calmed down and with his help, helped me stand up. I remember him asking for my cellphone, and I automatically gave to him, my mind in a distant place, not wondering at that moment why would he need one. He dialed a number, and after hearing bits of his conversation with the other person, I knew that it was my mom he had called. I didn't bother asking why but soon my cellphone was back in my hands and I found ourselves walking to my house. The walk to my house was also silent but I didn't mind at that moment. Feelings of embarrassment, anger, or even fear surprisingly weren't present, I felt as if I was just running on auto-pilot, doing what I was told.

He ended up walking me upstairs to my room and somehow we both ended up sitting beside each other on my bed as I quietly answered the many questions he started asking about my situation.

I regarded him silently as I thought about the strangeness of this scene. Here I was, talking away without any restrains to a person that my dislike for him was more than normal for two people always meeting after school. But I guess it was because for now, I felt relieved. For now, I wasn't the only one that knew the fear that I was dealing with. I had finally let out this huge secret that had been tearing me apart, and for now, that was enough.

He turned his gaze from the floor and up to me, his expression contemplative.

"When were you planning on telling us?" He asked, with a hint of dullness in his eyes.

I squirmed a bit, hoping that I didn't have to answer that question, but as I met his bleak eyes, I knew that he would just keep on pressing on that subject.

"Soon…I planned to tell everyone soon." I answered, fibbing a bit.

"Rima," his serious tone made me turn away from his face and clutch my knees even closer to me, knowing that he had seen through my lie. His behavior earlier made me see that it was probably best not to lie to him anymore.

"Fine," I said reluctantly, my eyes careful not to meet his, "I wasn't going to tell anyone anytime soon…probably not even tell at all," I ended quietly, more to myself.

You weren't supposed to know; I thought as I looked out the window, nobody was. Everything was supposed to remain normal for everyone else. But I knew that for Nagihiko, that couldn't be true anymore no matter how much I could wish for it to be. It wasn't as if I could demand him to forget whatever he knew and go back to not knowing at all. Was it even possible?

"You're strong," he said quietly, almost like a whisper, breaking away my thoughts.

I turned my glance at him, a confused frown forming on my face.

"Strong?" I asked in a soft voice.

"Yes," he answered in the same voice, with his gaze downward, not allowing me to see the expression in his eyes.

"I'm not strong," I objected softly, playing with the hem of my skirt. Who was the girl that hid behind a façade, afraid to let anyone see her true emotions? Who was the girl that spent most of her time hidden from the world, afraid to face anyone that might find out? Who was the girl that was even hesitant about something normal as sleeping, afraid that the darkness in her nightmare might cause her to disappear? I was.

To my surprise, he chuckled lightly, and turned to meet my eyes, a melancholy smile playing on his lips.

"Wanting to keep this all to yourself? I think that's a big burden for any person to carry," he replied in a pensive tone. "That's not very fair to that person, especially when there are many people that care for her, and will support her no matter how rough things may get."

I let out a small sigh. Typical Nagihiko answer. "If I wanted to get lectured by a therapist, I would've gone to one already."

"And what about you not telling a peep to anyone?" He asked, a slight playful edge to his voice.

"Not the point." I answered firmly, rolling my eyes at him.

Would that really help? I thought, would telling everyone else really make it better for me? But I can't be that selfish, only thinking about myself. Nagihiko doesn't know what he's talking about, he doesn't understand.

He smiled at my reaction, his eyes brightening for a moment before turning solemn again, as he turned his gaze to the window where the moon shone.

I watched him with contemplative eyes briefly, wondering what was going through his mind that caused his sudden change of mood before turning away from him, and stifling a yawn. The exhaustion that I had managed to control for a while was finally catching up to me. The events that had happened earlier certainly didn't help at all. I closed my eyes for a few seconds before a voice caused them to open again.

"I'm sorry."

I turned to look at him with a confused expression, not expecting to hear that. Upset eyes stared back and I frowned, not understanding his sudden words at all.

"What do you mean you're sorry?" I asked, and he turned his eyes down for a moment, before meeting mine again.

"I mean, I'm sorry for the way that I acted earlier," he said ashamed, the corners of his mouth turning downwards into a frown.

I cringed internally as I remembered what he referred to. The way he had gripped my hands, the hard tone of his voice, the sudden flash of anger in his eyes, all that brought back unwanted feelings of fear and dread. I took a slow breath and closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down and forget the frightening demeanor he had before.

I gave a small jump as I suddenly felt his soft hand reach for mine. But as I looked into his somber eyes, I knew this time that he was holding my hand was different. I felt…warm and comforting. Not like last time where to me, his hand was something preventing me to escape from my distress.

"You're still scared," he said softly in a sorrowful voice, and I shook my head, not wanting to see him like this.

"N-No," I answered, "I'm not scared, and I wasn't scared before."

"Your voice gives it away," he said, casting his eyes away from me, his hand still in my hand.

I cursed silently. Since when did this guy become a walking lie detector?

"Fine, you did scare me before and a bit now," I stated with pursed lips, "Happy?"

"Not really," he answered and turned his eyes back to me, with a sad smile on his face.

"Then I forgive you," I said, hoping he would get out of this mood quickly. "Or should I give you a cookie too?"

He shook his head. "I don't deserve such an easy apology." He turned his eyes to our hands which were both on the bed, intertwined with each other.

I stayed quiet and he turned his eyes back to me, pain written on his face.

"I don't even know why I acted that way," he continued in a soft voice, "I guess it was because it frustrated me how stubborn you were in not declaring your fear, in not seeking us when you obviously needed us more than anything… you're allowed to tell you know."

"Hey, watch who you're calling stubborn," I scolded lightly, in an attempt to lighten the mood. But obviously it was in vain as he turned his head down, hiding his solemn expression.

"I'm sorry," I heard him murmur in a voice that struck me as heart-breaking, and I couldn't deny that even though I didn't like him, for some reason something inside me struck involuntarily, hurting me seeing him like that.

"Come on," I said, removing my hand from his and patting him gently on his head, like a mother comforting her child, something that even caught me by surprise.

He turned his gaze upwards, also surprised by sudden action and I knew that I had to do something to cancel it out. So I did the only thing that came to mind and was also the very thing that I knew he didn't like.

"Ow! What was that for?" he exclaimed as I yanked on one of his silky, long locks of hair.

"Because you're acting weird," I said, trying not to smirk and remain serious.

He rubbed the section of his head where I had pulled on his hair and smiled at me, even though his eyes were still bleak.

"I thought it was decided that I was stupid," he spoke.

"Fine," I said, "I stand corrected, you are stupid but you're also weird."

His smile diminished as he spoke again . "Rima, I really am sorr-"

"No," I interrupted. "If you apologize again one more time, I won't just yank your hair, I'll rip it off."

His eyes looked taken back for a minute before he let out a chuckle. "I guess I can't really say anything with a threat like that."

I nodded and crossed my arms. At least he got out of that depressed mood.

"Before I forget, I do have to ask you something else," he said in a serious tone.

"Hmm?" I asked, already anxious of what he was going to say.

"When will you be telling Amu and the others about this?"

Maybe I should've let him kept apologizing to me. I yawned right on cue, making it as dramatic as I could to appear exhausted.

"I'm really tired, I want to go to sleep now," I said in a weary voice, stretching my arms out, glad that it really wasn't a lie.

His eyes changed to those with concern. "Are you feeling okay? Should I get you something?"

"I'm just tired, everything's okay," I stated with frustration over his unnecessary worry. There, I managed to change the topic.

"Okay," he replied, even though a concerned look still remained on him. "If you don't mind me asking, when are you planning on telling the others?"

Never mind, he saw right through that.

"Not anytime soon, "I answered, not exactly lying.

He frowned, and I knew right away what his answer was going to be. "I know this is not something that I can decide, but I feel uneasy with this. I think Amu-chan and everyone else should now."

I broke my gaze from him and to a picture that I had with me and Amu on my dresser. It's true that she was one of my first friends when I had changed schools and reminded me that I didn't always have to keep to myself, that I finally had friends that I could share my problems with. But something like this, I thought, as I felt a troubled feeling arise in me, how would she react? How could I tell her that maybe in less than a year, maybe I wouldn't be around anymore? I closed my eyes, feeling the start of tears well up behind them. No, I can't deal with this right now, not when I have much to deal with already.

I opened them and turned back to Nagihiko, who was regarding me with a troubled expression as well.

"I can't," I answered softly, "not right now."

He continued to stare at me, his deep, dull eyes meeting mine. He wouldn't tell would he? I suddenly thought in worry. He couldn't, that would go against everything he is…but still.

"You're not going to tell right?" I asked trying to keep my voice from sounding anxious, playing with the hem of my skirt.

"It's not my place to tell," he answered with the frown still on his face, "but I really wished you would. Keeping everyone in the dark about this just doesn't seem right."

"Fine," I said, but still not feeling completely relieved, "I'll tell them when it's the right time."

He continued to study me for a moment before turning away. "Okay, when will you know what's the right time?"

"I'll know," I murmured, turning my gaze back to the moon. "I just have too much to deal with right now to deal with everyone else." I thought of my parents, of KusuKusu and brought my knees close to me again. "I have to get through this myself for now."

"What am I then, a ghost?"

My eyes flickered back to his, who had a small smile with a hint of amusement in his eyes.

"What do you mean?" I asked and he let out a light chuckle.

"Aren't you forgetting that I know too?"

"Yea, so?"

"Soo," he spoke, drawing out the last syllable longer than usual, "what kind of person would I be to let you battle with all of this all on your own?"

"I'm not battling anything," I said, annoyance starting to set on me as I saw what he was getting at.

"What I mean," He started, looking at me with thoughtful eyes, "you don't have to be alone in going through all of this, like I said before, this is much too heavy and painful for one person to carry."

"But we're not friends," I stated, and a flash of hurt passed through his eyes quickly before he recovered himself.

"Okay," he said with a downcast smile, "how about you see me as an ally?"

"Hmmm," I said, feigning thoughtfulness, brining a hand to my chin. "Allies are united together right, they stand by each other?"

He nodded. "Yes, they stand by each other, helping each other with whatever conflict or problem the other person might encounter."

I turned away from him. "No, I don't want you next to me."

"Rima…" his voice made me shoot a glance at him again, his expression catching me by surprise. He actually had a genuine, soft smile this time, his aching eyes looking into mine, almost as if they could see past them, because in reality, the last thing that I wanted to be is alone. The thought of continuing the routine that I had been doing for now, was leaving me lost in hopelessness and despair. My parents were too lost in their own pain to even notice their daughter's. And those reoccurring nightmares, I didn't know how much of them I could take before the darkness would swallow me completely. All of these things were more than enough to break me apart, leaving parts of me in pieces, never being the girl that I once was.

I broke my gaze from him and brought my knees close to me again, trying to keep away all those bad feelings from hurting me. "I don't know…" I muttered and I felt a soft movement beside me.

He stood up and did something that bewildered me.

"Rima," he said softly, with gentle eyes and a smile. "Would you allow me to stand by your side, as your ally?" He bowed, his long, silky hair falling to the sides of his face and stretched out his arm to me, offering his hand.

"G-Get up, will you?" I asked, as I felt warmness on my cheeks. "This is too weird, even for you."

"You still haven't answered my question, I can stand here for as long as I need to." He replied, smiling teasingly at me.

I crossed my arms, defeated.

"You don't have to be so stubborn Rima-chan," I heard him say and I sighed, knowing that this bickering could last for a while.

"F-Fine," I said, well aware of the crimson flush on my face, "You can stand beside me, just a few feet apart, not like right right next to me."

He kept on smiling, his hand still stretched out to me, and I scoffed, realizing that I had no other option than to take it. I placed my hand into his hand, and I let out a small gasp as he suddenly pulled me up from the bed and into his soft embrace. But it wasn't this that caught me by surprise.

The moment that I took his hand, a sudden wave of sadness passed through me, eclipsing all my other emotions entirely. The sadness was too large for me to understand but just as soon as it came, it faded away instantly.

Why? I thought to myself as I felt tears start to flow out silently from my eyes, why does this feel so familiar? Why does his embrace has a scent of remembrance to it and why does it hurt?

I broke away from him and brought my hands to my eyes, trying to wipe away all noticeable tears. Why?

"Rima!" he said suddenly, worry written on his face. "Did I hurt you? Did I pull you up too fast?"

I shook my head, still trying to control my tears. I don't understand, did he feel it too? But as I looked up and his distressed eyes meet my tear-stained eyes, I knew he had felt it too.

I tried to let out a small laugh. "Look at me, the moment I know that for once I won't be alone, I start tearing up, I guess you must think that I'm not so strong now huh?"

He smiled softly at me, "No, I still think you're strong, most persons would've kept on sobbing and sobbing while still hugging the other person. But then again, those persons are normal and not as stubborn as others."

I crossed my arms. "Well," I said, trying to keep a serious face, "can you bear the weight?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, confusion written in his face.

"Now that you so desperately wanted to become my "ally" and stand beside me, a few feet apart of course, you now have to carry half of my pain, or burden as you put it."

He smiled, looking at me with soft eyes. "I guess that falls under one of my duties."

I raised an eyebrow at him, a serious expression still remaining on my face. "Can you? Without telling anyone until I decide the right time when I want?"

He let out a chuckle, and smirked at me, crossing his arms. "Don't worry, it might be kind of heavy, but I'm quite strong."

I sighed and turned to face the window as I felt fatigue fall on me. "Let's just hope that."

As if on cue, I heard a car pull up into my drive way.

I turned to him, with an expression on my face as if I had just been caught doing something disapproving. "My mom."

"Don't worry, I called her before, telling her that I would walk you home, remember?" he said lightly.

"Oh, yea," I replied, the memories of those events still foggy in my mind. I could still feel the wetness of my tears on my cheek and I wiped them away quickly, as if trying to deny the sudden rush of feelings that I had experienced.

"I should probably go now-"

"Yea, you should," I interrupted, feeling exhausted more than ever.

He smiled softly at me, and after giving me another quick, soft embrance, started to head out to the door, grabbing the doorknob. He suddenly turned back to glance at me.

"And about holding onto things that aren't there anymore," he spoke with soft eyes, "It's not pointless. It's hope."

I blinked at him, and soon he disappeared with a gentle "good-bye". I took a deep breath and went to lie on my bed, trying to process everything that had happened and had been said today. The many emotions that I had experienced, all I wanted to do was to rid me of all of them and just have a blank mind, a clean slate.

"So am I really not alone anymore?" I spoke quietly to myself. Could I trust him with my troubles? I breathed slowly, remembering that sudden rush of that unknown anguish when I had taken his hand. That time seemed different than all the other times. Why had it felt so familiar? Like if I had experienced it before. But I knew that if I thought more about it, I would be stepping on delicate grounds. I closed my eyes, trying to forget about it. No, it must have been nothing, it was probably because of my fatigue, I must be getting delusional.

_.~Because they truly existed there~._

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**This turned out longer than expected lol xD Thanks for all your reviews! Review to let me know what you think on this chapter :D Expect an update in week ;) I hope all of you had a happy holiday and got all that you wanted! =] **


	15. Conflicting Emotions

**So here's the next update :D I was hoping to have the chapter up earlier, but it seemed almost everytime that I would try to type the chapter, I ended up going to facebook instead, or listening to music, or just some other random distraction that forced me to type my chapter late at night instead xDDD Thank you for all your reviews!They make me happy=] And to hullotherexx, I'm glad that you really enjoy my story x3 And yes! I know that feeling when you have to wait for the next chapter in a fanfic, its just horrible D: haha xDD I hope I didn't take too long updating, haha. Anyways, here's the next chapter! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara, or any of its characters, but I think many of us wish we did.**

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"_Hey, did you know there's something special about butterflies?"_

_She stayed still, her face pressed against the soft, green grass, her tear-stained eyes remaining closed, shutting out the outside world. He stared at her for a moment, a frown playing on his face, wondering if she even knew he was there, if she even knew that he existed. Just as he was about to stand up, she opened her eyes. A bewildered look crossed her face briefly as she sat up, appearing as if she had forgotten where she was. Her eyes quickly scanned her surroundings, from the field of patterned flowers to the lake where only a single tree seemed to exist in this place. Her eyes then turned back to look into his own._

"_Butterflies?" she asked in a soft voice, with a hint of curiosity to it._

_He nodded, the frown on his face being replaced with a small smile. _

"_Not true," she suddenly said, dismissing his earlier claim. "Butterflies are just butterflies, insects." _

_He felt a bit taken back by the girl's bold words. But he brushed them off easily, deciding that since she was after all in his special place, his world, he would teach her what he knew. _

"_Butterflies are special," he spoke looking into the girl's deep eyes, "Tell them whatever secret you hold, and they will keep it with them."_

"_Whatever secret?" Her eyes widened a bit, and he smiled, knowing that he had amazed her with this, even if it was just a tiny bit._

"_Yes," he continued," You can tell them whatever you want, and they won't tell a soul."_

"_That's because butterflies can't talk," she stated as if it was the most obvious thing._

"_Maybe," he said, breaking his gaze from her and out into the field where many butterflies danced in the air. "But things aren't always what they seem." _

_He turned his glance back to her and saw that fresh tears had started to run down her face again. He felt uneasiness pass through him again. He didn't want her to cry, not here at least. He found himself frowning as he stared at her, not knowing what else to do or say. So he said the only thing that came to his mind. _

"_Please don't cry," he asked in a pleading voice, as he regarded her carefully, suddenly seeming fragile to him._

_Tears stopped falling for a moment as she meet his eyes with a melancholy look in hers. "You know why I was laying down on the grass?" She suddenly asked._

_He shook his head, not expecting those words and more of an explanation as to why she was crying. He became even more confused as she laid herself down in the ground again, her ear against green grass._

_She closed her eyes as she murmured, "The earth is alive." _

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*Nagihiko's POV*

I won't. Even though it pains me, I won't allow myself to. Even if she won't accept me as a true friend, even if she doesn't like it when I'm next to her, even if I have to carry all her worries and fears, even if I have to become strong for her, even if she may come to hate me for anything that I may do, even if things turn grim, I won't cry.

*Rima's POV*

"It's true!" Amu's voice stated as she looked over at all the guardians.

Pairs of eyes suddenly rested on me and I felt a crimson flush creep into my cheeks, something that unfortunately I was becoming too familiar with.

"It's just the fill-in spot." I muttered in frustration, looking away from the guardians.

"But Rima-tan as a catgirl maid? Yaya hopes to see that!" Yaya cried in excitement.

"I doubt that will happen though," Amu said, trying fight a smile from forming on her face," Saaya Yamabuki is really psyched about being chosen to be the catgirl maid…although I really wouldn't call it chosen."

Of course Saaya's "followers" had voted her to be the one that would greet people in our little café that our class planned to do for the festival tomorrow. And of course Saaya was really psyched about that, I mean being in a cute maid outfit along with cat ears and a cute little cat tail? Boys in this school surely would be very pleased with that. But that didn't stop the ones in our class to argue that I should be the one in the costume, words like small, cute, and lolita supporting their arguments. At least Amu had stood up during this entire clamor and with her "cool, spicy" attitude still existing as her outer façade, had indifferently said that if Saaya was unable to do her part on festival day, I would fill in for her. Thanks Amu, my dearest best friend.

"Rima, you know that I said that to defend you right?" Amu said, laughing nervously while her hand ran through her hair, noticing my look of irritation on my face. "If they would've kept on fighting, probably both of you would've been assigned to do that role."

"I guess." I said, feeling at little bit grateful that at least it wasn't definitive that I would have to dress up in such an embarrassing costume. The last thing that I wanted was more attention, especially from hormonal boys.

"Yaya thinks that Rima-tan should dress up though!" Yaya exclaimed, her eyes almost sparkling. "Rima-nyan would be so cute! Don't you think so , Nagi?!"

I turned my glance to him, who had a teasing look in his eyes and was trying to keep a smirk from forming on his face. I glared at him, knowing by his expression that he obviously had something to add to this situation which I found ridiculous.

"Whatever you have to say, just say it, I don't care," I said, hoping what it was to be in a nonchalant voice.

He broke his gaze from me and with a sly smile, said only one word. "Nya."

"See Nagi agrees!" Yaya cried, and I turned away from him, trying to keep my cheeks from getting warm.

"Rima, we're just joking around," I heard Amu say while laughing.

"Well did you tell them that you were actually considered at first?" I stated and Amu shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

"Really Hinamori-san?" I heard Tadase ask and Amu just laughed nervously.

"Y-Yea," she said, trying to gain her cool composure, "but I denied, that part just isn't me."

"I think Amu-chan would've made a lovely kitty," Suu replied with a smile, while Amu let out a forced laugh.

I couldn't help but also let out a small giggle as I watched the scene before me as Ran, Miki, and Suu began discussing on how Amu would've been cute cosplaying a catgirl. Seeing everyone else laugh made me forget, if not entirely forget, then at least cloud my true reality for a while, that everything didn't have to be bad.

I snuck a glance at Nagihiko, who was laughing along with everybody else. But I could tell that even though his eyes sparkled and danced as he laughed, they hid something dark. It couldn't possibly hurt him as much as it hurt me, could it? I thought as I turned my glance down into my lap. As much as I didn't like him, I didn't want to trouble him with was supposed to be only my problem. I didn't need to trouble anyone and ruin moments like this. I clutched the hem of my skirt as I felt fear pulse through me. Even if Nagihiko had said he would stand by me and help me get through this, that alone hadn't been enough to keep that nightmare, that pure darkness from tormenting me in my sleep. Being in my own house was even becoming agonizing. With my dad almost never there, and my mom dealing with her own pain, I was easily forgotten. Was I that insignificant for them to think about what I was suffering?

I peered up from my lap to see everyone happy, which was deeply in contrast to what I was feeling. No, I thought exhaustedly, I can't trouble them with this.

* * *

As always, I was relieved when the meeting was finally over. After the teasing of Amu almost becoming the catgirl maid in the café that our class would do, everyone else started discussing what their class had decided. Nagihiko's class would do a play, in which he would be in charge of selling tickets. I was disappointed for a bit, I was sort of hoping he would take some part in the actual play and see whether he was actually good at drama as he once claimed before. My thought was that he wasn't. Tadase's class would be selling different kinds of dangos and Yaya's class would be doing some sort of game. The festival would be in a few days and soon everyone would be busy preparing for their own event. As for myself, I really didn't care about any of this stuff. I didn't have the spirit to attend, let alone participate in this, but I guess as long as I didn't have to play the dreaded role of our café's mascot, I could tolerate it.

I checked the time on my cellphone and saw that it would be a while before my mom would come to pick me up from her work. I inwardly sighed as I stood and got ready to leave. Would she really get that upset if I went walking home by myself? It's not like I'm a little kid anymore. And I'm not scared walking alone as I used to be before…there are other much fearful things.

Before I could decide on whether to disobey or not, his clear voice broke away my thoughts.

"Huh?" I asked confused, wondering if I had heard correctly and he smiled at my reaction.

"I said," he started as his gentle eyes met mine, "would you like to get something to eat, Rima-chan?"

"Oh," I guess I did hear right after all. But wait, "Why?" I asked suspiciously, with a raised eyebrow.

"It's just food, Rima-chan," he said lightly, "Or you do you have something against food?" he added, as an amusing smile spread on his face.

"It's not the food I have something I against," I replied curtly, still studying him.

"Fine," he said with a teasing expression, "I'll take that as a yes."

"I need to inform my mom first," I objected with narrowed eyes.

"It's okay, I can call her like I did last time," he added smugly.

"I can't walk home back by myself," I argued.

"I'll walk you back," he stated.

"And what if I don't want to walk the whole way?"

"I'll carry you," he said with a smirk and I felt a blush beginning to spread across my cheeks at this sudden statement but I managed to regain my composure quickly.

"You're not going to let me get out of this are you?" I asked him with a scowl.

"No, I have no intention to," he simply said and I groaned. Well what could it hurt right? It would be better than being in that house cooped up in my room alone where my own thoughts were undesirable. I was starting to feel exhausted however and I thought about mentioning that but stopped before I could. No, it's better not to, knowing him he would probably overreact with worry like last night. Last night, thinking about it brought back mixed emotions. It's better not to think about it right now.

"Fine," I said, feeling defeated, "but under one condition: she comes also." I hid behind a confused Amu as I stared icily at him.

"Huh? What?" questioned Amu as she looked at me and Nagihiko back and forth, bewildered .

"Fine," he replied, letting out a small chuckle.

I said nothing, still glaring up at him until Amu broke the silence.

"Can someone please tell me what's going on?" she asked, laughing nervously.

* * *

"You chose, Rima."

"That's true, Rima-chan."

"No, while you guys were deciding which restaurant to go to, all I had said was to just pick the nearest one," I said irritated.

"Which makes you the chooser," Amu replied with a smile on her face.

"So why the long face?" Nagihiko said with an amused grin.

I furrowed my brows as I stared down at the menu in front of me. "I don't like fast food."

It's true. All I had said to them what's to just pick the nearest one from where we were. If not, we probably would've been still been walking around aimlessly as Nagihiko and Amu discussed the pros and cons of each restaurant that they knew. Pointless. But still, if I had known the closest one was a fast food one, then my response might have been different.

"No, look Rima," Amu said as she shifted beside me and started examining her own menu, "There's…oh no wait…there's…hmmm…"

"What's wrong with fast food, Rima-chan? Don't tell that's the food that you're against," Nagihiko said across from me with a teasing look sparkling in his eyes.

"Too greasy," I said bluntly, closing the menu and pushing it away from me.

"Here!" Amu exclaimed as she pointed in her own menu. "Look, how about a strawberry sundae with chocolate sprinkles and caramel dipping? That sounds yummy, I might just get that…"

"Ugh," I made a face as I thought of how much sugar and sweetness that contained. The thought of it was almost nauseating.

"I had almost forgotten how much you despise sweet, sugary, delicious aliments," Nagihiko said with a sigh as he looked into his own menu. "Is there anything you actually like to eat?"

"Well I know what I don't like to eat…which is exactly what this restaurant is serving" I stated nonchalantly.

"We can go to another restaurant if you want," Amu spoke, lifting her eyes from her menu into mine.

"Don't worry about it," I said with a defeated tone, and looked over my menu quickly. "I'll just order a salad I guess."

"A salad? Really?" Amu asked in disbelief. "But you're young. You should be eating sweets and fast food, you have your whole life ahead of you!"

My body suddenly stiffened at her words. Why? Why did she have to say those particular words that injured me deeply? I felt Nagihiko tense up but I didn't dare look at him. If I did, then I knew that I would surely break down and my secret would be exposed. But not yet. I didn't want this innocent trip to end like this.

"True, but I don't want to become obese though," I said in a collected tone, and Amu started laughing nervously.

"No, no," she argued shaking her head,"…is getting a strawberry sundae too much?"She then asked in a worried tone.

"No, I don't think so," I finally willed myself to look at Nagihiko and was surprised to see a small smile on his face, his eyes composed. "Rima's just being stubborn as always."

I heard Amu let out a small giggle as I rolled my eyes at him. "That's not funny."

"Sorry," I heard Amu murmur before she indulged herself back into the menu.

"You shouldn't apologize if it's true, Amu-chan," Nagihiko said amusingly and Amu put down her menu.

"Nagi, you shouldn't be mean to Rima-chan, this isn't like you," Amu reprimanded him in a tone a mother might use to her child.

"I'm not being mean, I was joking Amu-chan," he said, chuckling nervously while Amu shook her head disapprovingly.

I couldn't help but let out a small giggle as I watched them bicker back and forth. Mainly because I was relieved. Somehow we managed to overcome that small obstacle; I knew it wasn't Amu's fault. But for now, we could move on and maybe soon I will be able to tell her when I was ready.

* * *

"I was right," Amu said happily as she stuck her spoon in her almost finished sundae, "this is good."

"It was all right," I spoke as I picked what was left of my salad, which was a little more than half.

"You barely ate any salad at all," Nagihiko said, eyeing my plate. He had also gotten a sundae, except it was chocolate flavored.

"I thought you guys were going to eat," I stated, "A sundae is not real food."

"If you can eat it, it's considered food Rima-chan," Nagihiko added, smirking at me.

"Whatever," I replied, looking away.

"I don't know you guys," Amu said with a frown as she looked over the menu for what seemed to be the millionth time, "after I eat something sweet, I always crave something salty, and fries are looking really good right now."

"You're going to eat again?" I asked and she squirmed uncomfortably.

"It's like you said Rima, a sundae is not a real food," she replied sheepishly.

"Are you going to get fries then, Amu-chan?" Nagihiko said lightly, but Amu shrugged her shoulders.

"It's between fries or onion rings right now," she said, still examining the menu.

"You should ask them to cut the fries so that they are shaped like onion rings," I said, hoping to be helpful to her.

"But I don't think that won't solve anything," Nagihiko spoke, "it's not the shape, it's what's inside that counts."

"…I tell people that all the time," Amu said, looking up thoughtfully. A small giggle escaped from me at her expression.

"And what a good saying it is," Nagihiko replied with a smile on his face.

"It's getting kind of late though," Amu said, checking her cellphone. "I guess I'll just have to get those onion fries some other day then."

I checked my cellphone too and was also surprised to see the time. I guess time really does fly when you're having a good time. And for once, in the longest time that I could remember, I was actually enjoying myself.

"Rima, you really should have a taste of this sundae before we leave," Amu said.

"…Fine," I agreed, "But only the ice cream, I don't want any of the other extra sugars."

"Okay," she answered, and moved the sundae away from her and to me.

I carefully got a small spoonful that was only strawberry ice cream, and with a final look at Amu, stuck it into my mouth.

"…It's okay," I answered, a bit surprised at the taste, "Better than I expected."

"I'm glad," Amu spoke, her warm eyes meeting mine as a soft smile spread on her face. I felt my own smile starting to spread on mine, as I felt an emotion start in me that I haven't felt in a while. It was a moment before I recognized what it was. Happiness.

* * *

The wind blew softly as me and Nagihiko walked back to my house, as he had said he would before. Of course, he had asked me teasingly if I wanted to be carried like he had also said at first, but I refused, telling him to stop being stupid. But as we walked throughout the streets, where some leaves flew by, and cars passed by, it actually felt peaceful. I didn't want to forget the feelings that I was experiencing right now, calmness, blissfulness, happiness. I knew once I got home, they would immediately disappear and be replaced by those feelings that these days were always living inside of me, but for now, I wouldn't think about it. I didn't want to ruin this state of contentment.

"Did you have a good time, Rima-chan?" Nagihiko asked, pulling me away from my own thoughts.

"…Yes." I answered truthfully, as a small smile crept up on my lips. I had honestly enjoyed it. Before, I thought it would be a drag, but somehow, this had reminded that I didn't always have to be intimidated by the dark reality that was hovering over me. I could still live, I could still spend time with people that I cared about, that dark cloud didn't have to cover my entire blue sky.

"You barely ate your salad though," he said teasingly.

"So?" I spoke, pursing my lips.

"I mean, I did ask you if you wanted to go eat."

"I ate…some." I said indifferently.

"Knowing you, I guess I should be satisfied with that then," he replied, letting out an exaggerated sigh.

I shook my head at his annoyance. But still, I didn't really mind his bothersome words. Something about this situation seemed oddly…comfortable.

"But I'm still confused," I asked out loud, as we kept on walking.

"Hmm? Are you asking about the onion fries?" Nagihiko questioned jokingly.

"No, please don't make call you stupid again," I replied curtly as I heard him chuckle.

"I'm sorry, please tell what is exactly confusing you, Rima-chan?" he tried asking again.

"What was your purpose in asking me out to eat?" I asked in a curious tone, "Amu coming along with us must have probably ruined it since it wasn't part of your original plan, right?"

He stayed quiet briefly, which baffled me, as I was expecting a sarcastic or teasing remark as usual.

"No, "he spoke after a moment, "It wasn't ruined." His tone, not containing any of the amusement that I knew made me turn to glance up at him. His soft eyes met mine as a kind smile formed on his lips. "Amu unknowingly helped, actually."

I broke my gaze from him, and stared at the road ahead of us instead, an uncomfortable feeling rising in my stomach.

"I don't understand," I grumbled under my breath, gripping my book bag tighter in my hands. "You mean that I finally ate something sweet and sugary?"

I saw him shake his head gently from the corner of my eye. "No, that wasn't it."

"That we managed to somehow make up a new menu item for fast food places?"

"That's not it either," he replied in a simple voice.

"Then what?" I questioned, frustration evident in my voice.

"…You smiled."

It took all my will not to drop my book bag. It took all my will to keep on walking. It took all my will to keep my breathing steady. And it took all my will to prevent tears from spilling from my eyes. So that was his true motive then? I should be grateful then right? I should be able to turn to look at him and say a kind "thank you" to him then right?...so then why couldn't I do that?

I stared straight ahead at the road in front of us, as I felt the edges of my vision began to blur, and I began to feel disconnected from myself. The same feelings from that night when he had taken my hand, when we had made that pact that we would be "allies", rushed through my heart. That big wave of sadness washed over me, but as soon as it came, it disappeared almost instantly. I was surprised to find myself still walking, even though the colors of the road began to combine with each other. I've heard those two words before, they felt strangely familiar, but with those words they also brought feelings of hurt. I knew from the minute that I would turn to him, and thank him, I would finally see him as a true friend, but I didn't want to, because I also knew the minute I did that…everything wouldn't end well. The colors then combined all together, and turned into the dark color of blackness.

* * *

I heard his voice before I could feel my body again.

"Rima!" I heard him cry urgently, and I struggled to open my eyes, fatigue suddenly weighing on me. When I finally managed, the first thing I saw was him, worry and distress clearly written on his face.

"W-What happened?" I asked in a shaky voice, trying to recall earlier events.

"You suddenly collapsed," he said in a troubled voice, his wide, anxious eyes, staring into mine.

"I did?" I asked in a trembling voice, still disoriented, and automatically tried to stand up, which was when I noticed that I was in his arms.

"Wait, don't stand up yet," he said anxiously, but as I made a motion to get up, a sudden pain started in my head and I clutched it with a soft cry.

"Rima!" I heard him cry again and when I turned my eyes to stare up at him, I saw that fear existed in his eyes, his mouth in a worried frown, and it scared me, seeing him actually frightened.

"Shhh," I said quietly, hoping my voice was steady as I held my head in between my shaking hands. "I'm okay, it's not as bad as before."

He stayed quiet, distraught still in his eyes as I tried smiling at him, hoping to calm him down a bit. I closed my eyes, and breathed deeply and slowly, hoping my headache would soon pass away. I felt his arms embrace me tighter to him, but I didn't push him away. Because the truth was, I was as frightened as him, but I couldn't let it show. I knew that would just make him even more distressed and I couldn't bear to see him like that.

It wasn't long that I felt the pain in my head start to recede, and I felt relieved, thankful that it wasn't as bad as other headaches that I had before. When I was sure that my headache was gone, I gently tried to break away from him, but his firm embrace wouldn't let me.

"Nagihiko," I said in a quiet voice, turning to meet his eyes. I could see that he was still worried, his eyes still filled with fear, frowning.

"I think I'm feeling better now," I said softly, "Can I try standing up now?"

"Rima," he said in a worried tone, "I don't think you should get up just yet."

"No," I objected, and I felt him loosen his grip on me a bit. I tried sitting up but the sudden movement made me light-headed, and I fell back into his arms.

"Rima!" he cried again, securing me into his embrace.

"Shhh," I said gently again, looking up at his distressed eyes. "Nagihiko, calm down, I'm okay."

"But-" he started quietly, but I cut him off.

"I just got a little dizzy," I said, trying to smile at him. "Can you help me stand up, please?"

He stayed quiet for a moment before he loosened his grip on me. With his help, I managed to stand up, although my legs felt a bit weak and shaky. I tried walking but lost my balance and almost fell but quick arms caught me again.

"Maybe I should sit down for a bit," I said softly, and with Nagihiko's support, we sat on the curb of the sidewalk.

I rubbed eyes, trying to clear my head as I leaned into Nagihiko's warm body, his arm around me.

"I don't know how this happened," I said after a moment, looking out into the street.

"That's why you have to eat more, Rima," I turned to look at him and was somewhat relived that he was back to his usual self, although his eyes still held worry.

"But not sweets or fast foods," I said, hoping that he would soon be fully calm.

He didn't reply, and I pulled away from him, causing him to turn to look at me.

"Are you going to be okay, Nagihiko?" I confronted him, staring directly into his dull eyes.

"I don't think you should be the one asking that question," he said quietly, breaking his gaze from me and staring downward.

"I'm fine right now, "I said, narrowing my eyes at him, "but before I think you were over reacting a bit."

He quickly lifted his pained eyes to look back into mine. "I wasn't over reacting, "he said in a defensive tone.

"I said a bit-," I snapped, preparing myself for an argument but stopped. I let out a sigh as I sat next to him again, and his arm soon was around me again, this time I didn't break away though. Fighting right now wouldn't solve anything. And I knew it was just his nature to genuinely care about people. So it was natural he would care about me, right? That didn't have to mean anything. I thought back on my previous thoughts, and a feeling of dread crept up slowly on me. Why had I felt as if something bad would happen if we became friends? I brushed off those thoughts, they were foolish. There wasn't any need to think about them now, I didn't want to ruin the whole day. Spending the day with him and Amu at the restaurant almost seemed like a long time ago though, even though it wasn't.

Still, I closed my eyes, and whispered very softly, "Thank you."

I'm not sure if he heard me but at least I had said it, and for now, that was okay.

* * *

**I really didn't expect for this chapter to be this long xD I'll update again one last time before leaving for school again and after that, I'll try to update as soon as possible. Again, thank you for reviews and make sure to review to let me know what you thought of this chapter :D Happy New year!! (4 days late, sorry xD) **


	16. Similar To A Teddy Bear

**I'm really sorry for the late month long update! Now that this semester has started, it seems that my classes are giving me more work than last semester =/ and between work, hanging out, studying, and doing homework, the time that I do have free I usually spend it resting and catching up on my sleep -_- But as promised, here's the next chapter, which I intended to be even longer, writing about the festival in just one chapter but it couldn't be done if I wanted to upload a chapter this month xD Anyways, enjoy! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't Shugo Chara or anything pertaining to it..yea.**

* * *

Lifting up my shirt from behind, I stood in front of my dresser, staring at the mirror in front of me. I turned around so that my back was facing it, and craned my neck so that I could see the reflection before me. I couldn't deny that it was there. An ugly, purple bruise was forming on my lower back. I shut my eyes tight, wanting to forget that image. After a moment, I lifted my right sleeve of my shirt with trembling fingers. I could see that a similar discoloration was starting to form on my upper arm. I dropped the sleeve of my shirt, and clenched my fists at my sides, feeling tears of anger and frustration escape from my eyes. This disease was even blemishing my body? I wiped the tears from my eyes quickly as I saw KusuKusu stare at me with pained eyes.

"Are you excited for today, KusuKusu?" I asked, trying to briskly change the mood.

She nodded, a small smile spreading on her face. "I hope Rima gets to be a kitty today!"

"Don't worry," I said, staring at my reflection for the last time before turning away. "I'll make sure that the only kitty today is that Saaya girl."

She let out a soft giggle, but even still, I could still detect the slightest bit of worry in her eyes.

That's right, I thought to myself as I went to grab my book bag from the corner of my room. I shouldn't let this ruin today. If KusuKusu is trying, I guess I should as well. Especially today.

These last few days were a bit busy. Because of last minute preparations for the festival, our meetings were postponed till after all this was over. I had to admit, I was a bit glad for the celebration. At least my mind was preoccupied with the preparations from forming undesirable thoughts. Although I couldn't stop my mind from wandering to that day, which at first started out actually pleasant. I hadn't really liked the way he had acted when I collapsed.

I clutched my book bag tight as I brought my stare up to meet the wall in front of me. I know it's his character to act that way but….I let out a deep breath as I turned around and started walking out my bedroom door with KusuKusu following close behind. After a monotone goodbye from my mom, with a lifeless smile sketched on her face, and with my father nowhere in sight, I started my slow walk to school. That's just the way he is, caring for those around him, but after noticing how frightened he had seemed when a slice of the reality of my illness had hit him…will he actually be able to handle it and keep my secret? An uncomfortable feeling arose in me, as I walked, solely focused on my feet, trying to ignore the laugher of occasional kids passing by. Would he be able to…even if things got worse?

* * *

"Nya!" A dark-haired girl struck many ridiculous poses, flaunting off her "cute" catmaid cosplay in front of our classroom, which had been transformed into a small café. "Why don't you come into our fabulous café-nya?" she asked, batting her eyelashes at innocent people passing by. "The food's purr-fect!"

"That's not funny," I commented to Amu as we both watched Saaya's absurd attempt into luring people into our café, particularly guys.

"Well, at least we're getting customers aren't we?" Amu replied, her smile twitching as she stared at Saaya tugging a boy, forcing him to step into the classroom.

"You mean she's kidnapping customers, right?" I said nonchalantly, noticing the boy's look of defeat before going to sit at one of our tables.

"I guess," Amu answered, letting out a forced giggle.

Both of us had the role to bring appetizers to our customers, which was pretty much just a piece of bread, before the other girls in our classrooms that were maids would bring them a menu, which consisted of cakes, ice cream, chocolate milk, and other small sugary goods that I thought had too much sugar in them, enough to crinkle my nose in disgust. At least only the café's "catmaid" had to wear a costume. Many, actually all of the girls in our classroom, excluding Amu and me, were disappointed when they found out that we wouldn't be wearing cute maid outfits, with frilly lace and short skirts. Apparently the person in charge of the funds miscalculated and spent a lot more on decorations and food. So, we got stuck wearing pink colored t-shirts with a chibi maid holding a tray of cakes in her hand while winking at who knows what.

"Here." I said flatly, dropping a plate with bread on top of the boy's table.

"Oh, umm thank you," he nervously said, a hint of blush appearing on his cheeks as he meet my eyes.

I rolled my eyes at this as I walked back to the corner to where Amu was standing, waiting for more customers to come in.

"I think he likes you Rima," Amu said, at smirk starting to appear on her face.

"I think this is stupid," I stated, surveying the room with bored eyes. "And no, he probably just realized how beautiful Saaya looks in that stupid catmaid outfit as I brought him bread, I just happened to get in the way."

Amu laughed as I looked away, letting out a small giggle. I hated this. This was stupid. The café was stupid. The whole festival was stupid. But at the same time…I liked it. With the whole school filled with many energetic students, pulling their friends into their classroom to show what they had done for the festival, parents of many students bringing along their little siblings to show what their big brother or big sister had done, with this much energetic excitement flowing throughout, I could almost forget about what was plaguing me, my reflection of my bruised body in the mirror…almost.

"Mashiro-san, you can take your break now," our class president said, looking at his clipboard, making sure everything was going accordingly.

"What about Amu?" I asked and he shook his head.

"We can't let many people go on break at once, what if a mass of customers suddenly barged in?"

"With Saaya's performance, that's bound to happen," I said sarcastically, as he glared at me, probably one of the few rare guys that wasn't actually falling for me.

"Rima, it's okay," Amu assured me, while she glared at the president also.

He threw up his hands in frustrations and walked away, hearing him mutter the word "girls".

"Later, we'll both hang out and walk around, checking out the rest of the festival," she said, turning back to me, her expression softening.

"Promise?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at her.

She let out a small giggle before she smiled at me, her eyes shining. "Promise."

"Fine, I'll go take my break now," I said, feeling a small smile spread on my face.

* * *

A blur zoomed past me as two people ran quickly, shouting words of excitement to each other. I saw a pair of parents scolding lightly at a small boy, telling him to behave at his big brother's school. A girl was clinging onto her friend's arm, exclaiming to her to go with her to visit another friend's classroom. All this and many numerous scenes such as these, all happening at the same time, was strangely liberating. All this exhilaration, suddenly released, almost made my heart beat faster. People running around, being carefree, made me almost forget, almost erase from my mind, that my life wasn't as carefree as theirs.

Still, I smiled to myself, walking in the halls, noting all the different themes that each classroom decided to do. As I turned around the corner, I suddenly stopped, seeing the scene playing before me.

Between all the rush of people coming and going from different directions, their voices droning out each other's, a small little girl was crying, tears running down her cheeks. But this wasn't what caught me off guard. What surprised me was the person who was gently comforting her, kneeled down in front her, between all this chaos, speaking gentle words to her, his hand on her small shoulder. I couldn't quite make out what he was saying to her, but I could sense the little girl calming down, her tears slowly stopping as she looked at the person who was comforting her. I stayed where I was quietly, watching what was happening, until another girl interrupted the scene.

"Onee-chan!" the little girl suddenly cried out, rushing to her big sister and giving her a hug.

"I told you not to wander off from me," her big sister scolded, smiling at her little sister, before turning to him and thanking him for being with her. A warm smile spread on his face as he watched them walk away hand in hand before he realized someone had been staring at him the whole time.

I quickly turned away and pretended to be busy staring at the artworks that some students had put in display on the wall.

"Rima-chan," I heard a soft voice say, and turned around to find him smiling lightly at me, as if everything in the world was fine and dandy.

"Hey," I said in what I hoped was a bored expression, hoping that he hadn't caught me staring at him for the past minute.

"Aren't you supposed to be helping with your classroom?" he asked, and I shook my head.

"I'm on break. What's your excuse?"

"I'm on break too. I decided to go check out the other classrooms before heading back to mine," he said before his smile turned into a mocking grin. "But I see some people like to spy on others in their off time."

"I wasn't spying!" I denied, narrowing my eyes at him. "I just happened to walk by…"

He let out a small chuckle at my expression as I turned away from him, feeling a slight heat rise up in my cheeks.

"Did you already know the little girl before?" I asked, trying to change the subject and he gently shook his head.

"No, as I was walking by, I noticed her crying quietly to herself in a small corner and decided to see what was wrong. Who would cry in such a fun setting as this festival?"

"Her," I replied, meeting his dark eyes as he another chuckle escaped from him.

"I guess," he said, the corners of his mouth upward, and turned his glance away from me and into the wave of people passing through the hallways. "So I decided to help her. It turns out that she had lost sight of her big sister and got lost among all these people."

"Of course you decided to help her," I said nonchalantly," It's what you do; it's what you always do."

He turned back to me, a surprised expression hanging from his face. "What do you mean?"

"…nothing," I said, looking away from him, hoping he wouldn't read anything into my statement more than what was needed.

"It must be scary, right?" I heard ask in a soft tone and brought my gaze back to him, only to find him staring out at the window instead, his eyes becoming distant as he became lost in deep thought.

After a moment, he turned his stare back to me, his melancholy eyes meeting mine as a small, sincere smile started on his face.

"What?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Being alone," he said in a thoughtful tone, "even though you may be surrounded by numerous people, it must be scary, not knowing who to ask for help or rely on."

I broke my gaze from him, staring down at the floor instead as I felt a pang of sadness hit me from those words. Really, he knew how to ruin a day didn't he? My mind suddenly flashed back to when I had collapsed, how frightened he had seemed. It seemed like that had happened almost an eternity now.

"But sometimes," I muttered, still concentrating on the floor, "isn't it better being alone? Because then you don't trouble people."

"Maybe," I heard him say softly, "But if everyone's alone, then the world would be a very lonely place wouldn't it?"

I didn't reply to him, digging my nails into my palms, trying to get a hold of myself. If everyone was alone, caring for only themselves, maybe the world would be a lonely place, but then you wouldn't have to worry about hurting other people. You wouldn't have to worry about keeping secrets from your friends, you wouldn't have to worry about pleasing your parents, and you certainly wouldn't have to worry if you were suddenly to disappear…because there wouldn't be anyone to notice your absence.

I turned my glance up and found him smiling genuinely, his eyes still holding a bit of sadness. Before I could open my mouth and reply to his question, an arm was abruptly swung over my shoulders.

"Rima-tan! Nagi!" Yaya exclaimed happily before letting both of us go of her chokehold.

"Yaya-chan," Nagihiko chuckled at her, "You seem happy today."

"What are you talking about? She's always overactive," I spoke, my thoughts on our previous conversation already broken away.

"I mean, happier than usual then," he corrected himself.

"Well of course!" Yaya cried, her eyes sparkling. "Today's the festival! Food! Games! Prizes! Lots of other fun stuff!"

"You sound like a commercial," I said with an amused grin.

"Yaya-chan doesn't look like a TV though…" she said with a pout as I let out an exasperated sigh.

"Rima-chan doesn't mean that," Nagihiko spoke, giving me a sly smile, "Friends don't call each other a TV."

"Yaya is so glad then!" she replied,a smile brightening her face once more as I rolled my eyes. "Yaya-chan wouldn't want to be walking around like a fat TV!"

"I'm sure no one would," I stated in a bored voice, wondering why we were suddenly talking about such a ridiculous topic.

"So Yaya-chan, how is the game that your classroom chose to do going?" Nagihiko asked lightly.

"It's awesome!" she exclaimed. "It's like hide and seek with prizes!" Her eyes then widened with excitement. "You guys should come play!"

"Sure, it sounds fun," Nagihiko agreed with a smile as I shook my head.

"I'll go later with Amu when we check out the rest of the festival," I said while Yaya-chan's expression turned from pure happiness to pure disappointment.

"No! Why can't you visit two times then!" she argued, stomping her foot. "Yaya wants both of you to go now!"

"I'm sure Amu will understand, Rima-chan," Nagihiko said, chuckling nervously at Yaya's reaction.

"But…" I murmured, trying to think of a good reason to make them understand. "I promised Amu…"

"Please! Please Rima-tan!" Yaya pleaded at me, both of her hands brought together. "With sprinkles and cherries on top?"

Her huge eyes filled with anticipation met my indecisive ones, and I could tell that she really was excited for me and Nagihiko to go play her game. It made me think of the other students, also excited for such simple things like going to their friend's café, or watching other students perform songs their friends had composed. It dawned on me on how innocent she seemed at this moment; as if the only thing that mattered to her in this world was her friends playing on what sounded a pointless game.

"…Fine." I said with a defeated sigh. "I guess Amu and I can always come back later when we're checking out the festival…"

"Yay! Yaya is so happy!" she cried, her happiness sparkling from her, causing me to unexpectedly smile at her.

"You'll see that it'll be fun, Rima," I heard Nagihiko say and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I hope," I replied curtly as he chuckled teasingly.

"Now! Let's go now!" Yaya exclaimed as I suddenly felt a pull on my hand.

* * *

"What is this supposed to be?" I questioned, unimpressed by the display before me.

"Doesn't it look like tons of fun?!" Yaya said happily, both of her hands placed on her hips.

"No," I answered bluntly with a confused frown.

"Well, it certainly looks like you guys decorated...thoroughly," Nagihiko spoke, a bewildered smile appearing on his face.

"Let Yaya tell you, it took a long time for us to cover the whole room!" she exclaimed, staring at the work her class had done with pride.

"I imagine," I added, trying to figure out what kind of game this was, if it was a game at all. All I could see was newspapers. _Everywhere._ Her whole classroom had been covered in strips and strips of newspapers, black and white colors covered every inch of the floor and every inch of the wall, except the ceiling. The smell of all the ink from the newspapers was enough to make my noise crinkle.

"So tell us the rules of this game, Yaya-chan," Nagihiko asked.

"I hope it isn't cleaning up the classroom," I observed, seeing how a few students were running around the classroom, rummaging through strips of papers.

"Ha ha! Don't be silly!" Yaya laughed, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"I wasn't," I muttered, hoping to get this over with quickly.

"Okay! These are the rules!" she started energetically, turning to face the classroom. "…There are prizes hidden here! So you have to seek for them! Hide and seek for prizes!"

"Prizes?" Nagihiko asked, observing the colorless room with a confused expression.

"All I see are newspapers, nothing else," I retorted in an obvious voice.

"You're so funny today, Rima-tan!" Yaya giggled, which caused me to frown. I wasn't being funny, I was being serious.

"There are yellow slips of papers that are hiding between all this newspaper! So it's your job to find them because each of them has the name of a prize you can get! Find as many as you want but when the game's over, you can only choose a prize from the papers that you found…" she ended, a bit let down from her last statement.

"That's alright, Yaya-chan," Nagihiko said to her with a soft smile, "I'm sure that everyone's happy with the one prize that they get, they have more reason to treasure it since its only one."

"You really think so, Nagi?!" Yaya exclaimed, excitement brought back in her eyes.

He nodded in approval, and I let out a scoff, getting impatient.

"If we're going to play, can we start the game now then?" I asked.

"Are you getting excited find to play the game, Rima-chan?" Nagihiko questioned, a teasing glint sparkling in his eyes.

"No, I just want to get this over with so I can go back to my own classroom," I spoke in frustration, turning away from him.

"Ready you guys?! You only have 3 minutes to search for the prizes!" she cried, holding up 3 fingers.

"Fine," I replied in a bored tone as Nagihiko nodded, smiling at her.

"Ready!" she started enthusiastically, practically hopping. "Set!...Go!"

* * *

"Rima-chan, you're not even trying," Nagihiko spoke, ruffling through pieces of newspapers on the floor.

I pursed my lips in reply. "I am."

"Really?" he questioned, an amused expression appearing on his face. "Then how come you haven't found any slips of paper at all?"

"Because other people already found almost all of them," I stated, examining the room.

"Then how come I found 5?" He smirked at me before returning to his paper-seeking duties. "Oh, never mind, make that 6."

I crossed my arms, letting out a sigh in frustration. Of course he found more than me, right when Yaya gave the signal; he rushed in before me, practically getting a head start. But I guess part of it was my fault too, since I probably wouldn't have even walked in if Yaya hadn't given me a hard push, almost running into a person that was walking out of the classroom. So I took my time, walking very slowly in the classroom, barely searching through the strips of newspapers, just to spite her.

"Rima!" she complained from the doorway, impatience flowing from her. "There's only one minute! You better find at least one or Yaya will be very upset!"

I frowned in annoyance, bringing my arms to my sides. At least it was almost over.

"Do you want me to help you, Rima-cha-"

"No," I replied bluntly, as he let out a soft chuckle. No, I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of helping me and making him feel accomplished, not at all.

"I'll find one myself," I added, deciding that will get both of them off my back.

He smiled in return. "All right, if you say so."

I gave a gentle kick, to a small pile of newspapers strips on the floor, hoping to catch a flash of white. When that didn't work, I gave a harder kick, which caused the strips to fly out into the air.

"…Why don't you just search in the floor?" Nagihiko questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"No, I don't want to get dirty," I said, kicking another pile. A flash of white fluttered in front of me, and stretching out my hand, I quickly grabbed it, just as Yaya imitated the sound of a bell.

"Time's up! Time to claim your prizes!" She exclaimed, showing us the way to there the prize table was, a few feet from the classroom.

"See? I managed to get one and I didn't even have to get on the floor like you did," I bragged, clutching the piece of white paper in my hand.

"I guess your method works too," he replied, chuckling. "But I have more to choose from prizes when you only have one choice," he added, not being modest at all.

"Which makes it special, like you said before," I remarked, fighting with his own words.

"You're right," he spoke, as a thoughtful expression crossed his mind before he smiled at me. I turned my head from him. People are confusing.

"We're here!" she announced as we stood in front of a table where one of her classmate was sitting behind in a chair. Many colorful stuffed animals were displayed on the table, as well as numerous little stuff such as pencils, erasers, notebooks, and other things that I didn't really care about.

"Hello," she said, greeting us with a small smile. "Can I see your slips of papers to see what prizes you can choose from?"

Nagihiko went first, showing her his 6 prize choices. It turns out he had found one for a stuffed animal, one of the rarer paper slips among the classroom. He had also found slips for a pencil, candy, a keychain, a baseball cap, and a pen.

"You go Nagi!" Yaya cheered, pumping her fist in the air.

"It's really not that many choices, Yaya-chan," he said, smiling sheepishly. Now he decides to be modest.

"Your turn," the girl said smiling, turning to me as I handed her my crumpled slip of paper. When she unfolded it and stared at it though, her smile was replaced by a disappointing frown.

"I'm sorry," she spoke, placing the piece of paper in front of me, "you also found one of the rare paper slips, which is blank one."

"Soo…" I said, not understanding what she meant by that.

"Since you only found one and it's a blank one, I'm afraid you can't get a prize," she explained, saddened by it.

"What?!" Yaya exclaimed, more upset over this. "But can't we still give her a prize? She's my friend!"

"You know the rules, Yaya-chan," her classmate said, "we don't have a lot of prizes to just give out like that, if we do, then someone who does get a prize may not get one."

She turned back to me, a disheartened expression on her face. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I didn't really care anyway," I replied nonchalantly, though deep inside I felt a bit disappointed, a bit. But at least I could go back to my classroom with Amu now.

Nagihiko was quiet for a moment before he turned his gaze to me, smiling sincerely. "Why don't you choose one from mine, Rima-chan?"

"But Nagi, you won't get a prize then!" Yaya exclaimed to which he shook his head.

"It's okay, what matters is that we had fun playing the game, right?" he spoke, glancing back at me with friendly eyes.

"No," I denied, " I don't want a prize."

"It's just a prize," Nagihiko replied to which I crossed my arms in frustration.

"I don't want one," I argued, hoping he would drop the matter soon.

"Why must you be so stubborn, Rima-chan?" he sighed exaggeratedly, a teasing glint appearing in his eyes.

"I'm not," I denied again, narrowing my eyes at him.

"Then choose," he replied, "or we can stand here all day if you want."

I brought a hand to my face and feeling my cheeks warm up, I brought my hand down in annoyance.

"Fine," I muttered, knowing that this really could go on for a while. "Stuffed animal."

"Excuse me?" the girl asked, not hearing my mumbled words.

"…stuffed animal," I spoke, louder this time. She smiled and reached for a small, brown bear.

"Here you go," she said, handing me the bear.

"That is adorable," I heard Nagihiko comment and I felt my cheeks turn even more warm.

"Whatever," I replied, trying to sound as bored as possible.

"Yaya!" Another one of her classmates came running, stopping where we were. "We need your help! Aren't you supposed to be keeping track of the minutes?"

"Ah! Yaya-chan forgot!" and started running back to the classroom, "See you later Nagi and Rima-tan!" I thought I saw her flash a knowing smile at me before she disappeared but it must have been my imagination.

"Thank you for playing our game," the girl said, standing up and bowing.

"You're welcome," Nagihiko replied, smiling at her while I said nothing, starting to walk back to my classroom, thinking about what I would say to Amu about the bear. I felt him catch up next to me and I turned to him, shoving the bear right into his hands.

"You keep for now, I don't want Amu to see me with it," I said, trying to keep my blush from appearing again.

"You don't want Amu to see you with something this cute, Rima-chan?" he teased, amusement sparkling in his eyes but he kept the bear in his hands for now at least.

I didn't answer him as I turned to start walking back to my classroom. But I probably must have turned too fast. As I did a wave of vertigo suddenly hit me, and I found my surrounding blurred, as I felt the world shifting in position.

But it wasn't me who hit the floor. The bear did. I wasn't too surprised to find myself in Nagihiko's arms again. But as I stared up at him, I could clearly see worry reflected in his eyes. His frightened face from that time suddenly flashed in my mind and I felt my own fear pierce through my heart.

"I'm fine," I murmured, trying to stand up and keep a knot from forming in my throat. He hesitated for a moment before helping me stand up, but kept a hand around my waist, supporting me.

A couple of persons that had seen the almost-incident stopped and asked if I was okay, one wondering if to get the nurse or not. I quickly replied that I had tripped and nothing else, everything was fine. I was relieved that Nagihiko backed me up, smiling and saying that everything was okay, but I would still feel that worry about radiating from him, even if the other people couldn't.

A student had picked up the bear and handed it back to me. I took it without a fight this time, muttering thanks to him but keeping my eyes on the floor. I had to keep my emotions in check. I couldn't break down here, no matter how scared I was. Memories of this morning also came rushing back, of how my illness was even making its mark on my body and I clutched the bear close to me, trying to push those thoughts out of my mind.

I found myself being led out of the hallway, taking another path that didn't lead to my classroom. Nagihiko still kept his arm around my waist but I didn't pull away just yet. We found ourselves out of the school, where many students where lingering around with their friends and family, chatting and eating. Seeing such a normal scene brought me back to reality and I pulled away from him, going to sit by some steps near us. I felt him sit down next to me after a pause but I didn't dare look at him, keeping my eyes out where the other students were laughing and talking. I couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness and jealousy as I stared at them, wishing I could be like that, without fear plaguing my life.

"Are you hungry?" I heard him ask in a toneless voice, but I still didn't turn to look at him.

"No," I answered, clutching the bear close to me, hoping that it gave me some sort of comfort, but didn't.

He didn't reply and after standing up, he walked away. I didn't bother turning my head to see where he had gone. He couldn't have gotten angry right? There wasn't any reason to. Unless it was because I said I wasn't hungry but he shouldn't get angry over that. Besides, there was no one demanding him to stay with me whenever I felt sick. I couldn't help but feel a bit lonely at this thought. I stared down at the bear, which had a sewed smile on its face. I frowned at it, thinking that it was wrong. Sewing on a smile, forcing it to be happy, wasn't that kind of fake deceiving people like that? I raised my hand with the bear clutched in it, deciding where I should fling it at, when I felt Nagihiko sit down beside me again.

"Don't tell me that you're throwing away the prize that I worked so hard to get," I heard him say in an almost teasing voice.

I didn't reply, getting ready to throw it out into school yard with all my might, but somehow couldn't find the strength to do it. Resigned, I placed the bear back in my lap and murmured, "No."

"Here," I felt him place a stick in my hand and looking up from the bar, I saw that it was a dango, three little dumplings all held together on a stick. I decided to take a chance and turned my gaze to his face.

"Don't worry, I asked Tadase to make yours less sweet than the regular ones," he replied, smiling softly at me, even though his eyes clearly held distress.

I turned back to my dango, and decided that one small bite wouldn't hurt. I was a bit surprised at how good and warm it tasted, I could still detect a bit sweetness but it was mild, enough to give it flavor but not a lot that it was consumed in sugar.

"Do you like it?" I heard him question and I nodded, surveying the other students going about their own business.

"I'm glad," I heard him murmured quietly.

Out of my peripheral vision, I could see that he had also gotten a dango and proceeded to eat it slowly. I wasn't able to see his expression very well since his hair was in the way, but it was okay. I didn't want him to pretend that everything was fine, when it wasn't. He's similar like the bear; I thought to myself as I finished eating my dango, both are forcing a smile even though they might not want to truly smile. I looked down at the bear, stroking the side of its face, feeling melancholy at this thought.

"It's unfair, right?" I heard him say softly. I turned my glance to him, seeing him gaze out to the other people.

"What?" I murmured, confused by his question.

"You got angry the other time at me," he replied softly, turning his eyes to me, smiling gently, his solemn eyes meeting mine.

I stared back in confusion, trying understand what he meant by that. When I got angry at him the other time? I thought back and realized what he was referring too. I broke my gaze from him and glanced at the floor, feeling those same emotions rush through me. Of course I was frustrated with him at that time; he had been worrying too much when he could see that I was okay after I had collapsed. Didn't he understand that when he was frightened I became even more frightened as well?

"You worried too much," I spoke quietly, keeping my eyes on the floor.

I heard him chuckle softly, and when I brought my glance up, his distant eyes were observing the others, a sorrowful smile forming on his face.

"I can only imagine what you're going through," he muttered softly. I noticed that his hands, which were on his lap, were trembling slightly. I turned away from him, frowning with distress. This wasn't supposed to be happening; I was supposed to be the only one with fear, not anyone else. I felt my eyes start to glisten with tears, but I quickly brought up my hand and rubbed them off. No, not here.

"You said everyone being alone would make the world lonely," I started quietly, after a brief pause. "But then, people wouldn't have to deal with other people's problems, everyone would only have to worry about themselves, wouldn't that make it easier?"

I turned back to him, and saw that his face was composed as he stared down at his hands. "I guess," he replied, and turned his gaze to me, smiling sincerely at me, his dark eyes meeting mine. "But I would find that to be a sad world, not having anyone to care about."

I stared back at him with contemplative eyes, not knowing how to respond to that.

"True, it may trouble other people when they start deal with someone else's problem," he continued softly, "but, I'm sure that if its someone that person truly cares about, it won't matter because in the end, once they overcome it, they can both be smiling again."

I turned my gaze back down, clutching the teddy bear as I felt an unknown feeling pass through me. Did he really think that I could overcome it? This was probably the first time that someone had given me the thought that this didn't necessarily have to be a bad ending; it didn't have to end like this. I took a deep breath, trying to control my emotions. It gave me…hope.

"But, I still think that what they'll go through won't be easy," I heard him mutter. I brought my glance back to him, and saw that he was staring out into the sky, although I could still see his hands quivering. I reached my hand out, and after a moment of hesitation, I placed it on top of his hand.

He turned to me, his eyes surprised at the suddenness of my action. "Rima," he said softly.

"I'll agree with you on this one time," I said, feeling a warmness start in my cheeks, doing what I normally wouldn't. But I knew that he had comforted me many times, I couldn't deny that. Sooner or later I had to return the favor. "Maybe the world would be better if everyone was alone, but it would also be sad as well, not to mention scary."

He smiled gently at me, and I removed my hand from his, back in the safety of my lap, clutching the bear.

"Thank you, Rima," I heard say, and I turned away from him, trying to control the crimson flush on my face.

"Whatever," I muttered, but I found myself trying to fight a smile back. Maybe he wasn't as bad as I thought. I knew that it wasn't on purpose that he was trying to be overprotective, worrying about me. I thought if I would act the same way if I was placed in the same position as him, but I couldn't form that scenario, it wasn't right.

"Rima!" I heard a familiar voice shout out. I turned my glance up and saw that it was Amu, running towards us and stopped, panting.

"Amu," I said surprised, but also a bit of happiness to see her, someone normal who didn't know.

"Amu-chan, is everything okay?" I heard Nagihiko questioned, but Amu shook her head, catching her breath.

"What's wrong?" I asked, hoping that it wasn't anything bad.

"Umm…," she started, looking a bit nervous," Rima, Saaya isn't feeling well."

"So?" I asked, wondering why she would think that I would care for her.

"Umm, well-" she mumbled, an apologetic expression crossing her face which made me raise my eyebrow in confusion. "Apparently she ate some bad hamburgers during her break and caused her a stomachache…she can't be the cat maid anymore…"

"Why would I-" I started, but stopped realizing what that meant. I stared up at Amu in shock, knowing what I would have to do. "You can't mean…"

"I'm sorry, Rima," she said, a remorseful frown appearing on her face, "You were voted her fill-in…you have to cosplay now for the Café."

"You said that wouldn't happen though," I said frustrated, knowing this couldn't go well.

"Yea, who would've thought Saaya would've pigged out on those hamburgers?" she said, laughing nervously.

* * *

**I really think these chapters are getting too long xD Again, sorry for the late update and I'll try to update sooner for the next chapter =] I'll try to make time since I really do want to finish this story, but I guess it will probably take me a while xD Thank you for all your reviews! They motivate me to keep on writing :D **


	17. Pale Pink

**I don't even know what to say anymore except maybe sorry for the month and half long update :( I really wanted to have this chapter up even earlier than the one before, but it seemed that as soon as one test was over, there was another one that I immediately needed to study for =/ Then there was also other things such as working, and as soon as I would set aside time to write, something always wound up happening and I ended up going out with friends, coming back to my room tiptoing late at night, careful not to awake my roommate xD But now its spring break, and I finally had time to write out the whole thing, which turned out to be a bit more long than I expected. So enjoy! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara, in its anime or manga form.**

* * *

"Why? Why must such tragedies always happen to such innocent people?!" Saaya wailed dramatically as she flung her arm to her forehead while the other one was pressed against her stomach, as she let out a groan.

"True! True! True!" Her followers agreed, all clamored around her bed in the nurse's office.

"Umm, doesn't she just have a stomachache?" Amu asked, the smile on her face twitching as Saaya's mindless zombies turned to glare at her.

"How dare you call this situation "just a situation",_ Hinamori-san_?" One of them enunciated which caused Amu to sweatdrop.

"I think what Amu-chan means is that Saaya will be okay after a while," Nagihiko carefully replied, not wanting to anger the girls even more as him and Amu stood behind me.

"But…" I started as I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach, knowing what this meant. "I don't-"

"Besides," Saaya interrupted, turning her stare at me, "she doesn't have…attributes to put it in a way."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, glaring at her while she responded with an arrogant smile.

"I'm afraid to say that you may not have, hmm how should I put this?" She paused for a moment before she let out a giggle, "The right curves for this type of job."

I narrowed my eyes at her while I felt anger and frustration build up in me. Really, I did not want to deal with this at all today.

"Saaya-" Amu argued, shooting her a look but I cut her short before this discussion escalated any further.

"Whatever," I said nonchalantly, trying to keep the anger from being evident in my face. "I don't have time to deal with stupid things."

I turned around and started to walk out when I heard Saaya's horrid voice calling out to me.

"Mashiro-san, don't deny the truth!" She started laughing her signature cackle before hearing her groan again and hearing her sidekicks suddenly concerned over her.

I quickly walked out of the nurse's office, not knowing where I was going, and clenched my fists at my sides, trying to control this annoying frustration. I really did not have the energy to deal with this today. Not after what had happened before... An image of a teddy bear came into my mind, and a frown tugged at the sides of my mouth, remembering the talk between me and Nagihiko…no, I just couldn't deal with Saaya and her idiotic remarks. Not today.

"Rima!" I heard a familiar voice call out, and turned around to see Amu and Nagihiko jogging to catch up to where I was.

"Don't listen to what Saaya says," Amu said once they were next to me, her expression containing concern and annoyment. "You know how she is; putting down everyone that she can just so she can make herself seem superior."

"I know," I replied in a manner of fact tone, "that place was just reeking of stupidity that I just had to get out, the cause of it was probably Saaya although I'm sure her friends contributed it to it."

"That could be a reason," Amu agreed, a guilty smile spreading on her face while Nagihiko let out a small chuckle.

"We still have a matter at hand though," Nagihiko stated and I frowned, almost forgetting about my now required role.

"No." I muttered, turning away from them.

"Rima…" Amu started, "As a whole class we had already agreed that you would be the replacement if Saaya wasn't able to do her part…and right now she can't."

"Actually, you gave that idea to the class, remember?" I said bluntly, turning my glace back to her.

"Oh yea, huh," Amu replied, running her hand through her hair, smiling uneasily. "But still, it's already been decided, I don't know if we can change positions around, you know how the class president is with everything going accordingly."

"Speaking of the class president…"Nagihiko spoke, turning his head to the hallway. Me and Amu imitated his movement, and saw through the crowd of people, the president making his way to us with an impatient look on his face.

"Uh-oh," Amu reacted and turned to me with a pleading look in her eyes. "Rima, it's just for a while, you just put on the costume and stand outside the café, if not the president will get angry at us for not doing what we're supposed to be doing."

"It's stupid," I said, turning away from the direction the president was coming.

"He's getting closer," Amu observed anxiously, and turned to Nagihiko. "Nagi, maybe you can convince her while I try to get to president to see if someone else can cosplay."

I heard her stride to where the president was, and I started walking away, wanting to get away from the situation.

"Rima-chan, wait," I heard Nagihiko call out to me and I stopped, not wanting to play a game of cat and mouse with him.

I felt him stand next to me and I turned my glance to the floor, hiding my expression from him.

"I don't want to," I said quietly, and he chuckled lightly.

"Well, sometimes we all have to do things we don't want to do," I heard him say casually before his tone turned serious. "Or are you not feeling okay?"

I suddenly found him kneeling in front of me so that he could examine my face.

"H-Hey!" I exclaimed, trying to control the warmness in my cheeks from spreading.

"Are you still dizzy? I'm sure the president will understand if he knows you're not feeling well," Nagihiko continued, ignoring my surprise.

"I'm perfectly fine!" I snapped, but noticing the worried glint in his eyes made me remember our previous conversation, and I suddenly regretted answering him rudely. No, I knew he wasn't being overprotective just to annoy me.

I let out a small sigh and tried answering him again in a more acceptable form. "I'm feeling okay."

He still had a troubled frown on his face as his eyes stared into mine to see if I was really telling the truth. "How about exhaustion?"

I shook my head gently. Well yes, I was tired but not the point of just collapsing anywhere. After a pause, Nagihiko stood up, and smiled, even though I could still see concern hanging from it.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, his eyes melancholy. "I guess I still have to work on it, not being such a worrywart."

"I guess," I said quietly, and he smiled sincerely at me which made me turn away.

"So what's the reason for not wanting to do it then?" I heard him ask and I felt that sinking feeling in my stomach again, knowing I wouldn't be able to avoid this.

"I just don't want to do it," I mumbled, staring down into the floor, wishing that I had some way out of this situation.

"If you don't want to do it, I'm sure there's a reason behind it," he spoke, and I didn't reply, not meeting his gaze.

"Don't tell me you actually believe what Saaya said right?" he questioned in a teasing tone.

"No, you don't understand…" I muttered, feeling a flush of warmness on my face.

"Then what is it, Rima-chan?" he asked, and I paused for a moment before I answered him.

"…It's embarrassing."

I felt even more warmness spread across my face as he started chuckling at what I had said.

"Is that the only reason?" he asked jokingly while I tried to control the hotness from dominating my face.

"Don't laugh," I said quietly, hoping Amu would be able to convince the president otherwise. I had to admit, embarrassment was a pretty weak reason to give to not cosplay. But for some reason, that really bothered me. Embarrassment was definitely not a feeling I used to feel when I first moved here, ordering boys around to my every need. But something such as this, something so ridiculous that I had to do for a stupid reason, that was just so….embarrassing. And with everything that had happened today, nothing sounded better than just doing the meaningless job I was already doing along with Amu at the café.

"Embarrassment is a normal emotion that we all experience every once in a while, you know?" Nagihiko spoke with an amusing smile. "But that shouldn't stop you from doing what you want to do."

"True, because I really want to dress up in a ridiculous outfit," I replied sarcastically as Nagihiko let out another chuckle.

"So you changed your mind then, Rima?" I turned around and saw Amu with a relieved expression on her face while the class president was next to her, impatience evident on his.

"I was being sarcastic Amu," I stated, crossing my arms.

"I'm sorry but I can't take that for an answer," the president spoke curtly, looking down on the clipboard that seemed permanently attached to his hand.

"Rima, I'm sorry, I tried convincing him but…" Amu trailed off, her eyes filled with disappointment.

I turned away, feeling the undesirable feeling of embarrassment start to display in my cheeks.

"I'm sure it won't be that bad, Rima-chan," I heard Nagihiko say and I turned my gaze to him.

"That's easy for you to say, you're not the one dressing up in a stupid dress," I grumbled and an expression that I couldn't recognize crossed his face for a moment before it settled into an insecure smile.

"I-I guess," he said, a bit nervously, causing me to raise an eyebrow at him.

"I know!" Amu suddenly exclaimed, "How about someone else dresses up along with you Rima?"

I turned to meet her sparkling eyes and smile, pleased with herself with the option she had given.

"...I guess it wouldn't hurt…" I murmured, not being able to reject her offer, "…I don't know if it will help though…"

"Maybe I can dress up along with you-"She started, a bit less enthusiastic now, when the class president suddenly interrupted.

"The idea is not bad, but not you, or anyone else from the class, you all have jobs you need to complete." He stated bluntly and a dejected expression crossed her face, although I could see a hint of relief in her eyes.

"It's okay Amu-" I started to reply in defeat, knowing that there wouldn't be a way out of this shameful situation when Amu's face lit up again.

"I know who!" She turned to smile at her other friend. "Nagi!"

"W-What?" Nagihiko asked in disbelief, a pale pink flush appearing on his cheeks, something that I didn't see normally.

"Would that be okay Nagi?" Amu asked, staring at her friend, smiling brightly.

"I-I don't know about that…"Nagihiko trailed off, smiling uneasily, the flush still apparent on his face.

"Don't let embarrassment stop you from doing what you want to do," I couldn't help adding with a smirk on my face, enjoying the sudden turn of the situation.

"Don't say things like that, Rima-chan," he said with a troubled expression, and I couldn't help but giggle at his bashfulness.

"Please Nagi," Amu started pleading, "I don't want Rima to dress up by herself."

"Yes, please," I said, deciding that if I had to cosplay, I might as well make this an interesting experience.

Nagihiko looked between the two of us, probably searching for a way out of this before letting out a sigh in designation.

"I guess I can't decline can't I?" he said with a small sheepish frown, a pale pink shade still coloring his cheeks.

"Don't worry Nagi," Amu encouraged him; "it's just a little while."

Another small giggle escaped from me and his bashful eyes flickered to me, a troubled frown still in his face.

"Okay, now that we have that settled," the class president suddenly spoke up, crossing his arms in frustration, "can we go back to the classroom now so you two can dress up?"

"Fine," Nagihiko spoke and I nodded. Yes, this will definitely be interesting.

* * *

"Rima!" Kusukusu exclaimed with laugher in her voice, "I told you that you should be a kitty today!"

"Kusukusu…" I started, feeling that familiar warmness settle into my cheeks as I fiddled with the hem of the skirt. But a small smile spread on my face as I saw the happiness on her face as she giggled, something that I usually didn't see these days.

"Rima!" I heard Amu called out, "Are you ready?"

I took a look at myself in the mirror before coming out of the bathroom. I guess the outfit wasn't that horrible to wear… still, I could feel nervousness wash over me at the thought of stepping outside.

"Almost," I replied in a nonchalant voice, and turned back to the mirror. It's just for a while, I told myself silently. We had decided that instead of the original plan that Amu had contributed, we would divide the shift into two parts, I would do the first and Nagihiko the second, anything for us to cosplay in the shortest time as possible.

I felt relief as I stared at my reflection at this thought. But there was also another reason, a reason that I didn't find relief in at all. I turned around and made sure the dark bruises on my back were covered. I also examined my upper arm and saw that the blemishes were covered as well. My trembling hand stayed on the sleeve however, as I stared at the floor, not wanting to see my reflection. This wasn't right, I thought as the frustration rising in me caused a few tears to spill from my eyes. I'm hiding my bruises behind a stupid costume. Wasn't it like the teddy bear with the sewed smile….and Nagihiko, smiling at me with such gentleness, even though he felt otherwise?

I smiled darkly to myself, thinking about the silliness of the situation. I wondered if everyone was hiding behind something, frightened to show their true selves. A sudden urge of wanting to take off the costume hit me, my hand already reaching for the zipper on my back before Amu's voice brought me back to reality.

"Rima!"

I dropped both of my hands at my sides and after taking one last look at myself, I took a deep breath.

"Rima…" I heard a softer voice, and I turned to see Kusukusu smiling gently at me, her eyes filled with encouragement although I could see they held a glint of sadness.

I smiled back to her and nodded. That's right, I didn't need to be thinking about these kinds of thoughts at all, not right now.

"Let's go, Kusukusu," I spoke to her and finally stepped outside of the restroom.

"Rima…" Amu said quietly as she, along with Nagihiko and Yaya stayed quiet for moment.

"I told you it looks ridiculous," I muttered, once again fidgeting with the lace of my skirt.

"You look great!" Amu suddenly exclaimed, a delightful smile spreading on her face.

"Ahh! Rima-tan looks so cute!" Yaya cried, bouncing up and down. "Yaya just wants to hug her!"

"Hey," I said at Yaya's sudden hug attack, caught off guard.

"Yaya just can't resist it, Rima-tan looks like a doll!" Yaya exclaimed, her arms still around me while Amu tried to pry her off me with an amused expression.

"Yaya-chan behave yourself now," Amu scolded lightly while letting out a giggle, and Yaya pulled away, a guilty expression crossing her face.

"Sorry Amu-chi, Rima-tan just looks so cute that Yaya wants to take her home!" She said, smiling brightly at me.

"Shouldn't you be apologizing to me?..." I spoke; feeling a warmness creep up in my cheeks which I knew colored them pale pink.

"Yaya-chan you can't do that," I heard Nagihiko's light voice speak up, "I'm sure many people will be disappointed once they see her and suddenly goes missing."

I turned my gaze to him and saw that he was wearing a gentle smile even though his eyes were clearly teasing.

"Don't worry, Rima-chan," he said after noticing my frown with a light smile, "that costume suits you well." I was sure that my cheeks were probably a deep red by now, especially with that compliment.

The dress consisted of only 3 colors: white, black, and with a touch of pink. It wasn't immensely ornate, with a zig zag pattern on the front of the dress with pink lace while black lace decorated many different parts of the white fabric. A pink and white chocker adorned my neck while a pair of black cat ears was placed on top of my head. At least the costume wasn't as horrible as I thought, though I could do away with the cat ears.

"Should we start going to the classroom now?" Amu asked, looking at her watch.

"No," I murmured quietly and I felt Yaya cross her arm with mine.

"Yes! Rima-tan is just so cute! So cute! " she announced as she pulled me with her fast pace, skipping.

"Don't steal her, Yaya-chan," I heard Nagihiko say jokingly along with Amu laughed beside him, and I rolled my eyes, hoping this would end fast, but remembered that I wouldn't be the only one suffering this ridiculous façade.

* * *

"Look at her!"

"…Is that Mashiro-san?"

"She's really cute!"

"Mashiro-san as a kitty cat! I have to take pictures and document this!"

I tried keeping a bored expression composed on my face as numerous people, most of them boys, were stopping in front of our café, obviously not for the sugary, sweet, _delicious _treats that we were serving. I desperately wished that was the reason but it wasn't at all.

"Rima!" Yaya cried, the only one who had stayed with me while Amu had to go back into the café to continue her duties and Nagihiko back to his classroom to continue selling tickets. "You're a cute kitty!"

"Thanks for informing me," I replied, shifting uncomfortably as people, again most of them boys, kept fawning over me. The girls dressed up as maids even had to come outside and direct them inside into the café, something which me roll my eyes and made warmness creep up into my cheeks. They were all stupid, making a big deal out of this, especially the customers, _boys_.

"Sooo…" she spoke, drawing out the last vowel as long as possible, "Act like one! Say nya!"

"No," I stated, deciding that's where I would draw the line.

"Almost!" Yaya exclaimed, her big eyes sparkling. "Now try turning that no into a nya!"

"That's ridiculous," I said, when I suddenly heard a string of high pitch laughter, all equally annoying.

"See Mashiro-san," one of Saaya's followers said, all of them smirking, "You're not doing the job well."

"Yes Rima-tan is!" Yaya cried, stepping in front of them to look at them directly in the eye. "She's bringing way more people!"

"To see how silly she looks," another one said which caused them all to cackle.

"That's not true!" Yaya started arguing, a frown tugging at her lips and I placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Just ignore them," I advised, trying not to let my anger and frustration with them shows on my face, "that's what I do."

Yaya stared into my eyes for moment before smiling and pulling me into a hug. "Rima-tan!"

I pulled away from her and found the corners of my lips pulling upwards, giving her a small smile.

"Whatever!" One exclaimed, flicking her hair to one side, "The fact still remains that Saaya-sama was the best because not only she looked the best; she acted the best as well."

"Don't you mean she acted stupid?" I responded, which caused them to glare at me.

"Oh so I see!" One suddenly exclaimed. "You're capable of looking cute, but you're not capable of acting cute…not that you're cute."

"I don't care for any of those things," I started replying back, hoping they would soon be on their way and leave me alone when Yaya stepped in.

"Rima can so and she will! She's a better kitty than Saaya!" She exclaimed, a triumphant smile spreading on her face.

"Yaya…" I spoke, trailing off where this was going.

"Fine, a competition then? We'll be the judges and see if she really can act the part better than Saaya," One said, while the rest of them nodded their heads, wearing an arrogant expression.

"No Yaya, I said before that I wasn't going to say it," I stated, already feeling an uncomfortable feeling rising.

"Rima-tan! Just say nya! It's like no but its nya instead!" She cried, giving me a thumbs up.

I frowned in frustration and turned to look into the café, looking for Amu to back me up. I found her near the door, and when she meet my eyes, a bright smile lit up her face and also gave me a thumbs up.

"Amu?" I questioned with a confused look, wondering if she had even heard the entire scene happening outside.

She just kept on smiling and mouthed "Fight!", pumping her fist in the air before walking away to quickly bring the appetizers to other customers, but not before I noticed a heart shaped clip on her hair band, a character change.

I sighed in defeat and turned back to meet the challenging competitors and my one ally.

"Rima! Rima! You can do it!" Yaya chanted while the others looked on, giving me a condescending stare.

If I didn't do it, I knew I wouldn't get them off my back. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves and said the one dreaded word.

"Nya," I muttered, and the boys that were near me gasped, giving them a new thing to fawn over.

"Rima-tan that was so-" Yaya started exclaiming, her eyes already sparkling before she was rudely interrupted.

"Weak, pathetic, is that the word that you're looking for?" One sniffed, while the others started giggling.

"No! That was cute and you know it!" Yaya stated, crossing her arms stubbornly while the other one scoffed.

"I'm sure it was," she agreed sarcastically, rolling her eyes and looking back at the other girls who kept on giggling.

Yaya turned back to me, "Come one Rima-tan! Let's hear a louder one!"

"Yaya," I started, feeling that one was one too many enough already, but seeing her enthusiasm practically written on her face, I knew I couldn't back off now.

I sighed again in frustration and took another breath.

"Nya," I said, this time a bit louder, which caused the same reaction of the boys that heard me.

"Ahh!" Yaya exclaimed, putting her hands on her face, "Now that was-"

"Stupid," two stated this time and all of them started cackling, almost eliciting a reaction from me to throw something at them.

As I turned to glare at them, I saw a particular person at the corner of my eye and turned my gaze to find him a few feet away, an amused expression playing on his face as he met my eyes. I felt the warmness in my cheeks turn to hotness and I quickly looked away, wondering if he just came here to see me make a fool out of myself.

"Yaya knows!" Yaya suddenly proclaimed, the same look crossing her face that Amu had when she gave her suggestion. An almost mischievous look passed through her eyes which made me even more uncomfortable and I took a step back.

Yaya leaned to where Kusukusu was floating and whispered something to her, to which she suddenly smiled.

"That sounds like fun!" She replied, giggling uncontrollably at what Yaya had said.

"Wait, Yaya-"I started, glancing quickly at Nagihiko and back to her before Kusukusu flew up to me.

"Ready Rima?!" She cried excitedly, and before I had any chance to react at all, she did the one thing that I hated doing in front of an audience.

"Chara Change!"

Bright green paint appeared on my cheeks, clouding my blush, and I knew from here on, I wouldn't be able to control my actions at all.

"Nyan nyan nyan nyan ni hao nyan," I started singing, confidence suddenly built up in me and uncaring for whoever was watching. "Gorgeous, delicious, deculture!" I ended with a spin and throwing my arms in the air, a smile pasted on my face. In the back of my mind, I immediately knew I was not going to hear the end from this.

Kusukusu immediately undid the character change, and for a second, everyone was quiet and still, possibly the longest, excruciating second ever that I had experienced. After processing what had just happened, I quickly dropped my pose and brought my hands to mouth in horror, still not wanting to believe what I had just done.

And just as everyone was quiet, suddenly everyone woke up from their stillness.

"That was possibly the cutest thing I had ever seen!" I heard a boy cry out.

"Why didn't I have a camera to record it!" I surprisingly heard a girl exclaim.

Many other cries and yells surfaced, causing me to want nothing more than to just disappear from this school and never come back again.

"T-The nyan nyan dance…" One of the girls stuttered, as a surprised smile on her face twitched, while the other ones were still in shock.

"Come on," another one said, as they followed her out of there, clearly defining who the winner was, but at that moment I didn't care, not at all.

"Rima…" Yaya whispered, awe sketched on her face but she was like a ticking time bomb, it wouldn't be long before-

"THAT WAS ADORABLE" she practically screamed, throwing her arms around me. "Yaya is definitely taking you home!"

"Yaya-" I started, pulling away from her, but before I could escape, I heard another voice from behind me.

"Rima!" Amu exclaimed, her eyes filled with amazement, "that was very cute, even for you!"

"Amu, I just want to get out of here," I murmured, covering my face with my hands, feeling shame drop in on me.

"You did good! See how many customers you brought in?" Amu said, and as I peeked from under my hands, I could see a good amount of people, trying to get in the café, or at least the other maids were pushing them in as they gaped in my direction.

"This can't be happening," I said quietly, wishing nothing else than to escape to a deserted corner, sit down, and hide from the world from the safety of my arms and my knees tucked closed to me.

"Just don't think about it too much," I heard Amu say gently to me as I felt her arm over my shoulders. "If any of these boys bother you, they'll have to go through me first."

"Amu…" I spoke softly, revealing my face from my hands and staring up at her friendly eyes and light smile.

"Besides," she started, looking at her watch, "your turn is over, it's Nagi's turn now."

I meekly turned my eyes to the people and scanned for him, only to find him chuckling to himself, a teasing glint in his eyes sparkling as he met mine.

I turned away from him, knowing a crimson flush had spread on my face, but comforted myself by what was to come next for him.

* * *

*Nagihiko's POV

"Nagi," I heard Amu start again, her eyes filled with guilt, "I'm sorry that I'm making you dress up in a girl's dress. I was just thinking about Rima and not how you might feel."

"Don't worry about it," I heard myself say again, "this is for Rima after all right?"

She nodded with a frown, and I smiled at her, though a bit more weakly that I had intended to.

"It's just for a while anyway…" I said, though I knew time would pass slowly for me just to spite me.

"Yea, just for a little bit," Amu said, smiling back at me. "Saaya should be back anytime soon from the nurse."

I nodded and stared at the outfit that I would be putting on. It was one similar to the one Rima had, though there were a few differences here and there since Amu had borrowed one from the play from my classroom as they were taking a break right now. I felt a nervousness start in my stomach, hoping my classmates from my classroom wouldn't pass by here and see who was the person wearing their costume.

"How's Rima doing?" I asked, hoping to get rid of this anxious feeling.

"She's doing fine now," Amu replied, "the class president was pleased with the amount of costumers for our café during her turn so he let her work in the back away from the people preparing the dishes. I think she just needed to calm down."

I nodded once again and stared back at the outfit that Amu had on her hand.

"I guess I should go put it on right?" I asked, a bit uneasily than I meant to sound.

"Yea, before the president gets angry again," she said before frowning at me again, "Nagihiko, I really am-"

"Amu, don't worry about it," I said, reassuring her with a smile.

"Okay," she replied, giving me a small smile, "I'll wait for you out here,"

"Okay," I said and opened the door to go into the restroom.

As soon as I entered however, uneasiness began to creep up in me. I still couldn't understand why I felt very nervous about doing this. Sure, I would have to suffer embarrassment but there was also something more than just that.

I examined the dress at an arm's length, and couldn't help but smile as I thought about the last time I had to dress up as a girl. A melancholy feeling filled my heart because thinking about those times also made me think of another special memory. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a lilac colored egg, an egg I've been neglecting for a while now.

"Temari…" I whispered softly as I stared gently at her egg, remembering her graceful charm, her soft movements and voice. "Guess what? I have to play that role again."

I knew I wouldn't get a response from her, but it was still comforting to know that her egg still existed, that she was still a part of me. I put down the outfit on the sink for a moment and pulled out my other egg, a navy colored one.

"I still haven't had the chance to meet you yet," I spoke softly to it, also knowing that I wouldn't get a response back from my unknown chara.

There's a reason, I thought to myself as I smiled to my eggs one last time before placing them back safely in my pocket. There's a reason why both of them haven't hatched yet. Am I still not confident about being who I truly want to be?

I grabbed the costume and quickly changed. As I stared back at my new reflection, I could feel a sense of alertness wash over me, something that I haven't experienced in a while. Words of my mother advising me on how to act like a proper girl passed through my thoughts, and I closed my thoughts, trying to clear them away.

I opened my eyes and examined my reflection, knowing there was still something off.

"Amu-"I started, about to ask her for the item when I noticed that I could use one of the laces of the dress instead. I carefully pulled it off and picking up my hair, I used it to tie my hair into a long ponytail.

"Is everything okay, Nagihiko?" I heard her ask in concern and staring at the mirror, I had to remind myself to not talk in a higher pitch, something that I always did automatically in this role.

"Yes, I'm ready," I answered and giving my reflection one last look, I stepped outside to where Amu was.

Amu's face held an expression of shock before she quickly composed it into an uneasy smile.

"I guess you really are Nadeshiko's twin, especially when you pick up your hair," she quickly replied, letting out a nervous giggle.

"Does it bother you?" I asked, my hand already reaching for the lace in my hair, "I thought that since I was dressing up as a girl-"

"No, no it's okay," she objected, shaking her head, "It's just that…"

I didn't have to be a genius to notice the sadness hidden in her eyes that I had reminded her of her first best friend.

"I'm sure Nadeshiko still thinks about you," I said smiling at her, trying to keep my face from showing any guilt. She met my eyes and smiled back, nodding her head.

"You're right," she said, her eyes turning thoughtful as she stared out to the window beside her, "As long as I remember the times I shared with her, I should be happy."

After a moment, she turned back to me and clapped her hands, her eyes reverting back to normal.

"All right! Are you ready now?" she asked and I felt that nervousness creep up in me again.

"I-I guess," I said, giving her an uncertain smile but before we could walk to the café, I stopped.

"What's wrong?" Amu turned around to look back at me as I let out an anxious chuckle.

"Maybe I should wear a mask," I said slowly, "People might mistake me as…"

"…Oh!" Amu exclaimed, an understanding expression crossing her face. "Hmm…" she pondered for a second before responding. "Wait, here"

A few moments later she came back, showing me the item she had gone to retrieve.

"That could work," I said, smiling back at her.

* * *

*Nagihiko's POV*

"N-No way!"

"Another cute girl! This is a great festival!"

"You're doing great Na-" Yaya-chan started to say before I started patting her head.

"Thanks, _Yaya-chan_," I said with a higher pitched voice, hoping she got the message to keep my identity a secret.

"O-Oh!" Yaya exclaimed, before winking at me and giving me the thumbs up.

I could sense a couple of guys that had stopped to stare at me and turned to look at them.

"Good afternoon," I spoke, bowing at them, "Won't you come in and try our delicious desserts?"

"Sure!" They replied with wide grins after a moment's pause.

"Does she go to our school?"

"I don't know but I sure would've noticed her before…"

"Hey don't you guys think she looks and sounds a bit like the former guardian Nade-"

"Be sure to try our tea as well!" I quickly said, hoping to break away their conversation.

"You got it, cutie!" One responded before walking into the café, causing me to sigh inwardly.

"That was a close one," I said quietly to Yaya in my normal voice, who nodded her head.

"They're right though!" Yaya exclaimed, smiling at me. "But I guess it has to do with the fact that you two are twins."

"I guess…" I trailed off frowning as another pang of guilt hitting me. But it didn't matter now. All I had to do was just get through this quickly and after I could decide when it would be the right time to tell them all. I thought of how Amu had reacted back then and I knew this couldn't keep going on forever. But…I looked around trying to find her, but was nowhere in sight.

"Hey!" I heard a familiar voice call out and turned around to find Amu's head popping out of the classroom. "How's everything going?"

"I think we're doing pretty well," I answered, giving her a smile. "And the item helps too, thanks."

"You're welcome!" Amu replied as she smiled back. She had gone to retrieve a masquerade mask from the drama club's booth since they were selling many. It was silver and white, decorated with many fake pearls and jewels, a bit fancy than what I wanted but it worked great. At least it kept my identity a secret.

"Hey, do you know where Rima is?" I asked and Amu nodded her head.

"Yes, she's still in the back, let me go get her."

Before I could say anything else and tell her that she didn't need to, Amu was already off in the classroom. Oh well, I thought to myself as I smiled to other people walking in the café, maybe this will do her some good.

"Rima, don't worry its okay!" I heard Amu assure her.

Amu walked out with both of her hands on Rima's shoulder, directing her. Her head was bowed as shame still radiated from her. I could see that she was still clearly miserable on what she had done before, but it bothered me; I didn't like seeing her more troubled than what she already had to be.

"Rima-chan!" I said lightly, raising my voice an octave, "Don't be sad, you were very cute dressed up."

Rima's head shot up as she stared me, trying to figure out who she was looking at.

"Yikes," I heard Amu say, "She really does sound like her also."

"So what do you think, Rima-tan?" Yaya exclaimed, grabbing Rima's arm.

Rima stared blankly at me, without eliciting any reaction at all, causing me to smile nervously at her.

"Rima-" I started before other guys stopped to stare.

"How come I didn't notice this café before in the morning?" One demanded, while another was deep in thought.

"Hey, she's the one that did that cute nyan-nyan dance earlier today!" He suddenly pointed out, looking at Rima with a smile.

"Oh yea, I heard about that, many guys were disappointed that they didn't get a chance to record it on their phone," the other one said, also smiling at Rima.

I noticed Rima turning away, stiffening and I stepped in front, smiling a bit strained at them.

"Won't you come in? We have many delicious treats," I said in an overly exaggerated light tone, placing my hands together.

"Of course," one replied with a wide grin, "any place that is filled with cute girls is okay by me!"

"Well, any place with boys like you isn't okay," I stated, still a happy tone. "So I suggest you scram."

"W-What?" they questioned in disbelief, "We have a right to be here just like anyone else!"

"And I have the right to get you out of here by force just like I say I do," I replied, smiling darkly at them.

"Amu," I turned to her, with a casual tone, "where's my naginata?"

"U-Umm…in the back?" she said with a nervous giggle as confusion was written in her face.

"W-Wait, you're Nades-" one started saying with a surprised expression before the other one pulled his arm in a hurry.

"Come on, let's just go,"

They both walked away quickly and as soon as they were out of sight, all three of them were in bouts of laughter, causing me to smile uncertainly at them.

"Maybe I got a bit carried away," I said, chuckling self-consciously.

"Nope! Making them think you were Nadeshiko was great!" Amu exclaimed, and I looked quickly making sure no one heard her, which no one did.

"Yes," I said, smiling to myself as I thought about Temari's eccentric character change.

My attention was soon grasped by Rima however, as she still continued laughing, even after Amu and Yaya had stopped.

"Umm, Rima are you okay?" Amu asked, to which she just responded by laughing some more.

I smiled at her uneasily, also confused by what she found so funny.

"It's just that-" she tried speaking between her laugher, "I actually wanted to laugh the moment I saw you dressed like that, but I was still in shock at what I was seeing, you really do look like a girl!"

"O-Oh," I replied, laughing along with her. "Do I sound like a girl too, Rima-chan?" I asked in my higher pitched voice, "Do I?"

"Stop it," Amu said with a smile, trying to control her giggling also while Yaya was also laughing away.

"What's so funny?" One of the maids popped out her head, a curious expression crossing her face.

"Nothing," I replied in my acting voice, "just a joke is all."

She went back inside with a raised eyebrow while I turned back to them. True, I guess I sacrificed some of my pride and suffered embarrassment in doing this, but at least it was worth it right? I turned my gaze to Rima, who still kept on laughing while Amu was trying to drag her back inside. Yes, with everything Rima was facing, she needed to keep on smiling and laughing…no matter what.

* * *

*Rima's POV*

"Yay! Rima you dressed up as a kitty again!" I heard Kusukusu exclaim once again as her tiny body rocked with fits of giggles.

"I guess what you wished came true, Kusukusu, " I replied, still feeling a bit ashamed at what I had done.

"Yes! If Kusukusu wishes it, it shall come true!" She stated smiling at me, her eyes bright.

A small smile crept into my face as I smiled back, turning my attention back to the sky again.

At last the festival was over, and it was such a huge relief. I felt both mentally and physically exhausted and nothing sounded better than crawling into bed, feeling safe in my covers. Amu's parents would be taking me home, which I appreciated very much since I didn't want to disturb my parents this late at night, the longest I've been at school so far. Or maybe it was because my mom, for the first time, didn't call at all today, not even to see at which time to pick me up. I smiled to myself, thinking the irony of it as I sat outside the steps, hugging the teddy bear as close to me as possible, trying to keep away those painful emotions from piercing me. Mom, Dad, now you decide to not care?

"Rima-chan," I heard his light voice break away my thoughts and I turned around, only to see Nagihiko smiling softly at me. I turned back around and didn't acknowledge him, even after he sat down next to me.

"Are you waiting for your parents?" he asked, to which I shook my head.

"Amu," I said quietly, staring up at the night sky again, as the cicadas accompanied it with the noise they made.

"I see," I heard him reply softly, and I was glad that he didn't press into the issue.

"I also see that you taken a liking to the teddy bear," he said in a teasing tone, and I hugged the bear even closer.

"Yes," I said, having found a new comfort in it.

"You just make sure you don't go throwing it at random playgrounds then," he spoke still in a teasing voice while I thought back on that time and frowned. I found it sad that I was almost going to throw it away, abandoning, leaving it alone that I was surprised to find tears starting to form in my eyes. Why? I still didn't understand why I suddenly felt this way. Was it because it reminded me of them?

"Rima!" he said in a worried tone, and I turned to look at him, meeting his anxious eyes. "I'm sorry, was it something I said?"

I quickly wiped my tears and shook my head.

"No, I think some dirt just got in my eye," I replied, hoping my voice didn't reflect any of the emotions that I felt.

He smiled softly at me, his eyes hiding the sorrow that they clearly showed. "Or maybe I should make you laugh again."

Nagihiko picked up his hair and winked at me. "Rima-chan! Wasn't the festival fun today?" he spoke in a voice certainly not his but perhaps belonging to a girl.

I couldn't help but let out a small giggle, my mind flashing back to that scene where he was dressed as a girl, really looking like one which I found ridiculous.

He let his hair fall down again and also let out a small chuckle, a pink shade appearing on his cheeks.

"You're weird," I said, turning my vision back to the sky.

"I think you've mentioned that a couple of times now," I heard him say lightly as he turned his head in the direction of the sky also.

A silence passed for a bit before he spoke up again, this time in a serious voice.

"So how are you feeling Rima?" I heard him asked in a quiet voice.

I didn't answer him right away, my gaze still examining the sky.

"The sky has a lot of stars," I said softly after a moment, seeing how they dotted the dark night.

I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye. "Yes, it makes the sky beautiful right?" he replied softly as well.

"It's sad though," I murmured, turning my gaze back to the floor, "if one disappears, it won't be noticed."

"What do you mean?" Nagihiko questioned, turning to look at me.

"There're a lot of stars that live in the sky," I whispered quietly, mostly to myself, "If one goes away, I'm sure no one will notice."

Nagihiko turned away and stayed quiet for a moment, probably contemplating what I had said before carefully responding.

"Of course someone will notice," he muttered softly, and I brought my glance to him, trying to decipher what he meant.

"Every star has its own shine right?" he turned his gaze to me, his warm, brown eyes meeting mine and smiled. "If one was to suddenly go away, I'm sure that star's shine will be terribly missed, not lightning up the place that it was supposed to."

"Other stars can make up for it though," I replied, breaking away from his gaze.

"No, I'm sure even the other stars won't be able to bring light to the place that only that star could," he whispered softly.

I widen my eyes and turned to look back at him, only to find him smiling gently at me. I almost found myself smiling back at him before a voice called out.

"Rima! Are you out here?" Amu asked from the building.

I quickly stood and wiped my dried tears. "I'm here," I spoke in what I hoped was a composed voice.

"Oh okay," she replied coming out, smiling, "My parents should be picking us up any minute now, do you want to get going?"

"Yes," I turned back to Nagihiko who had also had stood up.

"Nagi, I didn't know you were out here," Amu said, smiling at her other friend.

"I was keeping Rima some company," he said, smiling at her before turning his glance back to me.

I felt that same warmness that seemed to be with me most of the day today appear in my cheeks once again. "Thanks," I muttered.

"No problem, Rima-chan" he replied, a soft smile appearing on his face as his deep eyes met mine.

"Are you ready, Rima?" Amu asked and I nodded, not wanting to my face to give me away.

"Good night Nagi!" Amu called out as we started walking out to the street where her parents had started honking.

"Good night Amu! Good night Rima!" I heard him call out, but when I turned back, he wasn't there anymore.

* * *

"Except for a few problems, I think the festival went pretty good today," Amu started saying to her parents.

"I'm glad to hear that, Amu-chan," her mom replied sweetly, while her father was driving.

"Amu-chan," her father started, which sounded almost like he was going to be on the verge of tears, "You're growing up so fast!"

"Dad," she replied sheepishly, a pale pink flush appearing on her cheeks, "We have company."

I couldn't help but smile at them, seeing them act carefree with each other reminded of an earlier time, a much earlier time in my life…

"Rima," Amu suddenly said, breaking me away from my thoughts.

"Yes Amu?" I asked, turning to look at her.

"I noticed you and Nagihiko are talking more now," she spoke, a small smile spreading on her face.

"O-Oh, I guess," I replied, feeling my face warmer than usual.

"I remember when you guys at first couldn't stand each other, or should I say you couldn't stand him," she said with a small giggle. "But," she started, her voice turning thoughtful," I'm happy to see you guys getting along better now."

Even in the dark, I could see her eyes practically sparkling and I found myself smiling back at her, nodding, even though deep inside I knew it was wrong. I was keeping her in the dark about my secret, and with Amu's radiance, I knew that's where she didn't belong. When will the right time come? I hope it wouldn't be too late by then…I turned away from to keep her from seeing my troubled expression, a frown tugging at my lips, and found myself staring at my house.

"Thank you," I said politely to them as I got off while her parents said their many good byes.

"It was nice meeting you, Rima-chan," her mom said with a smile.

"I hope you come by the house, Amu rarely takes her friends there!" Her father happily suggested while Amu shot him a look.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow, Rima" Amu said, a soft smile forming on her face.

I nodded and smiled back to her, waving as they drove off to their own house and turned around to stare at mine.

"Ready to go inside, Kusukusu?" I asked, turning to her.

She nodded, although she knew how I was feeling about my parents. I opened the door, expecting worried voices, demanding where I was, but instead, I was met with silence.

* * *

**Thank you for all your reviews! I really appreciate them! :D Again, I'm very sorry in updating late and will try to update sooner, probably making the chapters shorter to get them done quicker xD I will definitely try to update next time much sooner than this update ^^ Oh and before I forget, I mentioned the Nyan Nyan dance in this chapter, if you haven't seen it, check it out in youtube, it's very cute! :3 Thanks once again!**


	18. Author's Note

So sorry for people who thought this was an update D:

I just felt that I needed to put up something to let all those who read my story know that this story is not abandoned, because it isn't :)

I really have tried updating sooner but because of my busy schedule, I haven't really found the time except late at night, but with my sleep debt accumulating, I really need all the sleep I can get if I don't want to randomly drop wherever I am and take a nap right on the floor xD

With that said, I will update ….just not as soon as I had hoped =/ Right now classes are almost over but there's still finals so there's still lots of studying left to do -_- My next update will probably be in about 2 weeks or so, after finals are over =]

Thanks to all of those who have reviewed! :D

And again, this story is not abandoned, just a bit delayed is all :)


	19. Unwanted Changes

**...So sorry for the late update! D: Everytime I try to update sooner I end up updating later than usual =/ But now that finals are over and summer is here, I'll have more time update now ^^**

**So here is the next chapter, enjoy! :D **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara or any of its characters, sadly. **

* * *

"_The earth is alive."_

_Her soft words still rang softly in his ears, and as he stared at her fragile figure lying down on the grass, he couldn't help but wonder what she meant by that. The earth was alive?_

_He decided to carefully choose his words._

"_You're right," he spoke softly, smiling down at her, "Because if the earth wasn't alive, we wouldn't have all these flowers and trees."_

"_No," she replied firmly. She sat up and met his eyes with a frustrated frown, her own eyes decorated with dried tears. "You're wrong."_

"_I'm wrong?" the boy asked, a bit taken back by her response. He wasn't expecting for her to speak those words._

"_That's not what I meant," she said, lying down on the grass once more. "How do you know when something is alive?"_

_He stared at her in confusion. How do you know when something is alive? He found it to be a very easy question._

"_Isn't something alive when their heart is beating?" He was surprised to find the girl smiling at him by his response._

"_Listen," she spoke quietly, her ear against the green ground. Her eyes closed, and he thought she looked serene and peaceful, lost in her own world._

_It seemed a bit silly, lying down on the grass and listening to the dirt, but when he saw how absorbed she was, listening to the sounds of the ground, he decided it wouldn't hurt to try._

_He laid down, next to her, and closed his eyes, trying to listen to what she was listening._

"_I don't hear anything," he answered, slight impatience evident in his tone. He opened his eyes and found himself staring at her, who smiled but kept her eyes closed._

"_Listen," was all that she spoke, the same thing she had responded to him before._

_He closed his eyes once more and listened, listened hard, with all of his concentration. And sure enough, he heard it faintly at first, soon rising in volume with every beat. The heart of the earth was beating and he could hear it._

_He opened his eyes and saw that she had opened hers too. He knew that when their eyes meet that she knew that he had heard it as well. She smiled at him and he found himself smiling back. It was at that instant that he knew that this place, his special place, had changed. He wasn't sure if he welcomed the changes or not but for now, it was okay. Staring back into the girl's luminous eyes, he knew it was okay for now._

* * *

"Hey look! Isn't that the girl that did the nyan-nyan dance at the festival?"

"Yea she is!"

"She's so cute!"

"Should I go talk to her?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because I should!"

"Rima…" I heard Amu start to say, a frustrated expression forming on her face, "Do you want to me to say something to them? Because I wouldn't mind you know."

"No, its okay, I don't really care anymore," I stated as we both walked outside to lunch. It was true that I didn't care anymore about the whole ordeal; a couple of days had passed since the festival, but in those few days, I could sense my surroundings changing, something I felt I had no control over. My humiliating act back then seemed like such a pointless thing to obsess and worry over now.

"Are you sure?" Amu questioned, as she shot a look to a couple of boys who had been whispering and staring at my direction, suddenly be taken back as if they had been caught doing something wrong.

"Yes," I replied, not giving the slightest bit of attention to them as we walked passed them. "They are just being immature."

"I guess," Amu responded as an amused expression crossed her face. "But," she started as she a smile began to form on her face, "I'm glad you're not upset over that anymore, if it was me.....actually, I don't think I would've been able to forget about it so quickly," she admitted with a guilty giggle.

I felt the corners of my mouth twitch up into a small smile at her expression. "It's pointless."

The autumn breeze softly blew through the trees as we walked through numerous students dotting the yard as we made our way to eat outside under a tree, Amu's idea surprisingly.

Things were changing. And it was pointless for me think that I can keep them from becoming different. I knew life didn't work that way. I knew that I had to suffice with the changes as well.

"Are you sure you don't mind eating outside, Rima?" she asked, and I shook my head.

"It doesn't matter," I replied, clutching my bag containing my lunch tighter.

"Okay," she replied, a soft smile appearing at her face, causing me to instinctively smile back at her.

It was also things like these, little words and actions that Amu would say or do, that would make me wonder if she really had an idea what I was hiding from her. More than once a sudden gleam would flash through her eyes as she would give me her signature smile, almost seeming one of loneliness, but before I could give it anymore thought, it would disappear just as it came. It made me anxious and almost made my soul tremble with fear, no, she couldn't know….right? Because only one person knew.

"Amu-chan! Rima-chan!" I heard him call out in a cheerful voice.

And with him…

"Nagi!" Amu said happily as he came up to us.

He greeted her with a smile and turned his glance to me, his soft eyes meeting mine. I acknowledged him with a small nod, causing him to let out a chuckle.

And with him…with him, I could also sense that things weren't the same as what they used to be.

"What are you guys doing out here? I thought you usually ate inside," Nagihiko said as we began to walk again.

"I don't know, I just thought it might be a nice change," Amu replied, using her hand to shield herself from the sun's bright rays.

"I see," Nagihiko spoke, a thoughtful expression forming on his face.

"The sun is hot though," I said, suddenly wishing for a parasol.

"Oh, do you want to go inside then Rima?" Amu questioned as she stopped walking, frowning. "I'm sorry for making you come out here."

"No, it's okay," I answered, not wanting Amu to feel bad, "There's shade under the tree right?"

"Yea, but are you sure?" Amu asked again, her apologetic eyes meeting mine.

"Yes, it feels nice outside with the sun," I added. Amu smiled and it was at that moment that I thought I had seen it again. That sudden flash appear in her eyes, something that wasn't usually her normal sparkle, but just as it had came, it disappeared.

A strong wave of anxiousness came over me, a type that suddenly gave me the urge to grab her by her arms, demanding her to tell me if she knew or not. But also, just as it had came, it completely disappeared. I smiled back at her, hoping my face didn't show any of the emotion I had just experienced, until I remembered that we weren't alone and that he had been watching the situation the entire time.

"Come on, Amu," I said, grabbing her by the hand, "We're not going to have much time to eat."

"Wait, Nagi do you want to eat with us?" Amu asked, stopping me from pulling her.

"Sure, if you guys don't mind," he answered in a upbeat tone.

"Not at all, right Rima?"

It took me a while to remember that was a question that needed a reply.

"No," I answered simply even though it was the exact opposite of what I wanted to actually answer.

"Okay!" he replied, and I turned to him, finding him smiling brightly at me. I couldn't find any detection on his face that displayed anything telling me that he might have told Amu something. But I should've probably expected that, I knew he wouldn't do something like that to me. I hoped he didn't notice the sudden change in Amu though, I knew he wouldn't tell her but he will keep on reminding me to tell her, but I couldn't….not yet.

* * *

"It really is nice eating out here," Amu said, tilting her head so that she was looking up straight at the sky, clouded by the many branches of the tree.

"Almost like a picnic," Nagihiko replied, smiling at her. "But," he started, turning to me with eyes that tried to seem inconspicuously worried but I saw otherwise, "Rima-chan didn't eat all of her food; it's not really a picnic if we don't eat all of our food."

"Because it's not a picnic, it's lunch," I said, trying to keep the frustration from being evident in my voice.

"Well, she ate half of her bento," Amu observed, a frown forming on her face. "That's okay….right?"

"Well…." Nagihiko frowned as he regarded me with troubled eyes. I sighed, knowing that once he started, he wasn't going to drop it. This was one of the reasons why I also didn't like eating with him. The last past days he had joined eating with us a few times and every time he practically made me eat everything even though I wasn't hungry anymore. But I knew he was just worried…I couldn't blame him. It still aggravated me sometimes though.

"I guess I can eat a bit more," I muttered, a small frustrated frown forming on my face. Nagihiko smiled softly at me, but I could still see his eyes filled with worry.

"You need your vitamins, to grow big and strong, right Amu-chan?" Nagihiko spoke, his smile transforming that of a teasing one.

"Yup, that's right," Amu responded, letting out a small giggle, "But what are you trying to say with that, Nagi? That Rima's too small?"

"I'm just pointing out the obvious," he replied, amusement playing in his eyes.

"Nagi," Amu said, her tone lightly scolding as she turned frowning at him.

"I'm just stating the truth…" He trailed off, chuckling nervously as Amu shook her head in disapprovement although I could detect a slight glint of teasing in her eyes.

I picked at my food as they continued their small bickering. I couldn't say that I actually enjoyed their "fights" and "discussions" as Amu always defended me whenever Nagihiko would tease me, but I had to admit, I found it a bit comforting. Was it because I knew their discussions were done in good fun, not just pure hate? Thinking about discussions and fights made my mind wander off to two specific people who before seemed to do nothing but that…

"Rima,"

Amu's voice suddenly brought me back to reality as I turned my glance from my plate to meet her bright eyes.

"Before I forget, I was wondering if you wanted to go shopping with me this Saturday?"

"Saturday…"I trailed off, suddenly feeling dread start to slowly overcome me as it brought unwanted thoughts.

"Yup, it's been a while since we hung out right?" I stared at Amu's soft but radiant smile, her eyes filled with such life that instead of being content and happy, I could only feel fear and anxiety, almost to the point that I had to remind myself that I wasn't alone and was allowed to display these feelings just yet.

"I'm sorry, I have plans for that day," I spoke, trying to keep a steady and emotionless voice.

"Really?" Amu's face fell, disappointment evident on her face.

"I'm sorry," I said again, a wave of bleakness hitting me as I saw her crestfallen face, and for a moment that flicker in her eye that hinted that she knew something, but disappeared just as it came once again.

"It's okay, we'll just go next time," Amu smiled hopefully at me but it didn't reach all the way up to her melancholy eyes. I dug my nails into my palms.

"Nagi!" she suddenly exclaimed, turning over to him. "I totally forgot about you, I'm sorry! It's cause since its shopping I wasn't sure if you were interested in stuff like that…"

"It's okay, Amu-chan," He replied, smiling warmly at her. "And you're right, I'm really not into all of that."

They both gave a small laugh before Amu suddenly stood up.

"I almost forgot!" She exclaimed, bringing a hand to her forehead. "I have to give Tadase some papers that he was looking for before lunch ends," she explained while a pink tinge colored her cheeks which I had a pretty good idea why.

"So sorry I have to leave early!" She apologized while Nagihiko shook his head with a smile.

"Don't worry about it, Amu-chan," he spoke lightly.

"It's okay," I replied half-heartedly, knowing that if she left, I would be stuck alone with him.

"Thank you guys so much!" She smiled at me with apologetic eyes while she gathered her lunch remains. "See you later Nagi and I'll see you in class Rima!"

I watched her rush back into the school in search of that person which colored her cheeks pink, almost leaving a dust trail behind her because of her speed. She should tell him how she feels, I thought in frustration, she's just wasting time…or was it more complicated than what I thought? I always had boys confessing to me but I never thought about it the other way around…how it must be like…

It wasn't until I heard him chuckle that brought me back to reality.

"She really was in a hurry," he added casually, an air of cheerfulness surrounding him.

I stood up and prepared to leave, gathering what was left of my bento.

"Wait," I heard him say, and I stopped what I was doing, glancing down to look at him.

"I ate my lunch," I remarked, hoping that he wouldn't force me to actually eat it all.

"Well, most of it I guess," he replied, a teasing smile playing on his face.

"Then what?" I asked impatiently, wanting to go inside and wait for Amu in the classroom.

"Wow Rima-chan, am I that bad to be around with?" he asked with a small smile although his eyes held an expression that I couldn't decipher.

I didn't reply and looked at the floor, not wanting him to think that but also not wanting to respond to him.

"What?" I muttered, and I heard him give another small chuckle.

"It's nothing," I heard him speak in a light tone, "it's just that I was wondering if you really did have plans this Saturday."

I quickly turned my glance back up at him, meeting his thoughtful eyes.

"Of course, why would I lie to Amu?" I stated in a firm tone, narrowing my eyes at him.

He studied me with contemplative eyes. "It seemed to me that you were fibbing."

"No I wasn't," I objected, starting to feel a bit nervous as those unwanted thoughts rushed through my head again.

He stayed quiet and looked out to where everyone else was and I quickly thought of leaving but he met my eyes again with pensive eyes and a small, melancholy smile. He knew that that there was something troubling me.

"Okay, I believe you," he spoke in a soft tone, "I just thought Amu looked lonely these days."

So he had noticed too? I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to get control of the rush of emotions battling inside me. I quickly opened them and met his smiling face though his eyes said something else.

"I have something to do on Saturday," I murmured in what I hoped was an unwavering voice.

"Is that bothering you?" he asked with a troubled frown and worried eyes while I shook my head and let out a forced giggle.

"No, it's not like I can do anything about it…that's why I had to turn down Amu," I added softly, as I felt fear pulsate through me, "even though I didn't want to."

"What do you have to do on Saturday?" he asked quietly, and I turned my glance away from him, not wanting my face to show the emotions that I was feeling. Would I feel better if I told him what I was afraid of? I felt all of my fear and despair was bottled up in me and I knew it would not help me at all if I kept it that way. I turned back to him with a composed face.

"I have to go to the doctor," I replied softly, and immediately images of that ominous place filled my mind. I clenched my fists, trying to clear my head of those frightening visions.

"Why? Are you okay?" he suddenly questioned in a worried tone. I met his troubled eyes and frown and forced a small smile on my face.

"It's just a blood test I think…to see how things are progressing," I spoke in a quiet steady voice when I noticed my hands trembling a bit. I tried stuffing them into my pockets when I realized I didn't have any.

He stayed quiet for a moment before he replied.

"You're scared," he murmured softly and gently took one of my trembling hands in his.

I gave a small gasp, not expecting that action, as I stared up at distressed eyes but with a small smile. Feeling his warm, soft hand in mine reminded me that I wasn't alone but that also brought back pained thoughts that I really was from two persons who made up my life.

I took a deep breath, not wanting to break down once again in front of him, as I thought about how things were changing in these last few days, how my parents were not really parents anymore, how they seemed to drown in their own despair and anguish to even think about that their daughter might be drowning as well, how they seemed to not notice me anymore because of it, how the house was suddenly quiet and empty as if no one lived there, how my mom had asked me in a lifeless voice and even more lifeless eyes if I minded going to the doctor by myself this Saturday, too caught up in her own grief to accompany me, how I reluctantly agreed, bringing more fear than what was necessary into my soul.

"Scared?" I asked in a quiet voice with a small, plastered smile on my face. I removed my hand from his and turned away from his face. "I'm terrified."

"I'm terrified of that place," I continued, trying to keep a composed voice, "I'm terrified of the people there, I'm terrified of the calmness there….and I'm terrified of being alone."

"Alone?" He asked, and when I didn't answer he placed a hand gently on the side of my face, making me meet his troubled gaze. "What about your parents?"

I shook my head, taking his hand off my face. I hoped he didn't question more into that subject and was relieved when he immediately didn't.

"I see," he murmured, a melancholy look passing into his eyes as he stared at the ground. I felt relief that I had managed to stop tears from leaking from my eyes, still I couldn't help but sniff from the realization of my parents not being there for me anymore, and I knew this could only get worse.

He immediately looked up once he heard me sniffle and I started walking away, not wanting for him to see my failed attempt at trying not to cry.

"How come you're always trying to run away from me?" I heard him ask softly as I felt a warm hand pull me back.

I didn't respond and I didn't turn back to look at him. I wasn't running away from him…was I? Or was there something else I was afraid of? It wasn't long before he slowly let go of my hand that was pulling me back. I stared out at the other people going on with their lives and at the school building where I knew Amu was at, Amu that was also feeling lonely. What was it that I had said to Nagihiko before, that it was better off being alone where no one can hurt you?

"I can't run away anyway, you're too fast for me right?" I asked, before turning to meet his deep eyes.

"You have me figured out," he replied, a small smile set on his face. "I guess we'll have to hang out without Amu this Saturday then."

I stared at him with wide eyes before I realized that I should have known this would happen, if it involved him.

"I don't know…" I started slowly, but he shook his head.

"I am your allie after all, right? I think that falls under one of my duties." He spoke with slight teasing in his voice, his eyes glinting in the sun.

I let out a sigh, knowing that it would be pointless to argue with him once he had his mind set on something.

"I guess," I muttered, feeling relief wash over me, but at the same time dread settle within me. Something was still frightening me, but I decided not to think about it anymore since it only made me more nervous.

"Rima, you're not entirely alone," he spoke softly, a small sincere smile spreading on his face.

No matter how much I fought it, I felt a small smile spread on my face, probably the first time I actually smiled _at_ him before the bell indicating that lunch was over ran and I quickly frowned.

"I was supposed to meet Amu back inside," I said, quickly grabbing what was left of my lunch and was ready to speed back into the building but stopped. I didn't know what else to say so I said the first thing that came into my mind.

"T-Thank you," I said quietly with a small blush, not staring at him and he chuckled lightly.

"Rima, you don't have to thank me," I heard him say in a soft tone and with that, I walked quickly back into the building, not bothering to wait for him.

Things were changing, with him as well. I knew that our bond was different than what it used to be, were we allies? Or were friends? Was there a difference? But whatever we were, a fact still remained, which was that it frightened me. All these changes, including my bond with Nagihiko, they frightened me.

* * *

_Can I really? Can I really stop all these changes?_

I dropped hard on my bed, letting my exhaustion that had build up during the whole day take over. I stared up at the ceiling, listening to the resonant quietness of the house. The quiet was so intense that I let out a small cry in frustration and covered my ears with my hands. I turned to my side only to find Kusukusu regarding me with pained eyes.

"Are you okay Rima?" She asked in a small voice, a distressed frown forming on her face.

"Yes," I answered softly, managing a small smile for her. "It's just a bit too quiet, don't you think...almost as if no one lives here," I ended more quietly, the last part saying it more to myself than to her.

"I can fix that!" Kusukusu exclaimed, a melancholy smile appearing on her face. "Look, a funny face!" She stuck out her tongue and pulled on her cheeks, a face that I knew too well.

"Come on, laugh," she said softly, her smile starting to slowly disappear.

I let out a small giggle, knowing that Kusukusu was trying hard, that she was suffering along with me as well.

"Yay!" She cried, her smile appearing again. I smiled back at her. When was the last time I had laughed so willingly? That's right, I thought to myself, smiling at the memory. It was back at the festival, when Nagihiko had dressed up as a girl, and for some reason, I laughed as if it was the funniest thing in the world, something that I judged critically.

I couldn't help but frown at the thought of Nagihiko. I knew he said that I wasn't entirely alone, but….I grabbed the teddy bear that he had given me from the festival and clutched it closed to myself. I knew I shouldn't think about my parents since it meant that I was stepping on delicate grounds, bringing anguished thoughts through my head.

But still I thought about how my illness had brought about all these changes, how soon after the festival, somehow my mom got too overwhelmed with her own despair and closed herself off to everyone and everything in the world, including me, who needed her the most. I thought how my dad was also too caught up in his own pain and was indulging himself into his work, coming home late at night and leaving early. I wondered if he even came home at all. But these days I found myself making breakfast, lunch, and dinner for myself; that is if I had the strength and if I was even hungry. I was walking to school and back by myself as well, though I still I pretended they picked me up just so the others won't ask any unnecessary questions. It's true that my mom still called to the doctor and made an appointment, but I could tell it caused her much distress and made me wonder if the doctor would find it okay if I was the one that started taking care of my own business and managed my appointments….not matter how much it terrified me.

I lifted the bear up and examined him, the softness of his fur, his shiny eyes, the nicely done stitches that formed his smile. Would Nagihiko really be with me all the way? Would he still keep on smiling till the end? I still wasn't sure what frightened me, was it because we were getting close? But that shouldn't frighten me….right? I brought the bear close to me again and closed my eyes.

No, that shouldn't frighten me, because even if I wanted to or not, things were still going to change with him.

* * *

**Thank you all so much for the reviews! :D Hopefully there wasn't that many mistakes in this chapter since I wanted it up as soon as possible so I quickly looked over it. I actually meant to make this chapter longer but as I said, I wanted this up as as soon as possible so whatever I had in mind will be in the next chapter then :D Again, thank you all so much and don't forget to review :) Yay! Summer is here! :D **


	20. I'll Show Him

**Hey guys! :D Again, sorry for the late update =/ I meant to update earlier, but the vacations...xD I've pretty much been hanging out with friends, trying to get my driver's license (barely! ), trying to find a summer job (to try and save up for a car xD), or just spending time with family and being lazy :D It's been good =] Anyways, here's the new chapter, hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara or any of its characters, thought many of us wishes we did.**

* * *

I quickly sat up in my bed with a fright before I was fully awake. The sudden movement caused my surroundings to blur together and I dropped back, clutching my head as a pain pulsated. I waited a while before it passed and sat carefully back up again.

"Rima…" Kusukusu said, her worried eyes on me.

"I'm okay, I just got up too fast," I responded in a quiet tone, managing a smile for her.

Why? I looked out at my window, seeing the sun's rays light up my room. Why do I keep on having that nightmare? I hugged my knees, closer to myself, not wanting to get out of bed. It didn't even feel like a nightmare anymore. It felt as if I was actually stepping out of reality and entering some other kind of frightening world, where the darkness eventually consumed me, no matter how much I tried to escape from it or call for help. I smiled bitterly to myself, finding it ironic that reality was filled with so much brightness, the sun shining strongly in the morning and fantasy was filled with so much darkness that I couldn't distinguish myself apart from it, when it should be the other way around.

I placed a hand on my head, relieved that it hadn't been one of those excruciating headaches, the ones who almost made it impossible to see or hear or notice any of my surroundings, only the pain existing. I haven't had one of those in a while and I hoped I wasn't due for another one. When they did strike though, they always seemed to be at the wrong moment…and recently when I was with a certain person…

I got up from my bed slowly and walked to the window, where the sun kept on shining strongly. I fully opened the curtains, letting the sun's rays hit every aspect of my room, thinking that I might as well make reality's surroundings bright and luminous, despite it was the complete opposite of what I was feeling.

* * *

I walked slowly to school, almost in a daze as I recounted breakfast earlier this morning. It had been a quiet breakfast, consisting only myself, as it was usual these days. I had been staring into my cereal, which I only had taken two or three spoonfuls before my hunger diminished. As I was staring blankly into it, silent shadows passed through my mind, shadows that once before filled this kitchen. Shadows moving quickly and about their business during breakfast, lunch, or dinner, when I wasn't alone. It surprised me that I couldn't recall the noises, the sounds of pans being placed on a stove by my mom, the sounds of plates being placed on the sink by my dad, but mostly, their voices containing words which gently spoke my name. Everything was now silent, silent shadows moved through my mind, and silence felt as if it was physically a presence now. It wasn't right.

I moved the cereal bowl to the side aggressively, almost sending it off the table, as angry tears began to form in my eyes. I was tired. No, I was exhausted. I was drained from feeling sorry for myself. I was drained from remembering my past life, drained from sadness piercing my heart every time I thought about my parents, my situation. I was exhausted from feeling only sorrow and right now, I felt only anger. I felt anger at what I had, I felt anger at what it was causing, and I felt anger at my parents. It wasn't my fault.

I wiped the hot tears from my eyes and found myself walking back up the stairs again. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't fair that they were acting like this. They shouldn't be acting like this. Wasn't I the one suffering anyways? If they couldn't be there for their daughter right when she needed them the most, then what was their purpose in life anyways? Who needed them anyways?

I found myself outside of my mom's door, where quietness resonated from the other side. I clenched my fists and tried to control my enraged tears from falling. What was I going to say? If you don't want to keep on being troubled by me then leave? Do you even love me enough to get out of your own world and enter mine? Did you ever even truly love me?

I still wasn't sure what I was going to say, all I knew was that I had fury building up inside of me, perhaps all the anger that had been accumulating quietly these past days and I had to get rid of it someway. But before my clenched fist made contact with the wooden door, her quiet voice got to me first.

"Stop!"

I turned to look at the little person who had said it. She was near me, her distressed eyes staring into mine.

"Rima, stop," her troubled voice spoke, as tears began to fill her eyes.

"Kusukusu?..." I replied softly, momentarily forgetting what I was about to do, when I knew that she had felt it though, she had felt anger I suddenly had at my parents, and as I meet her distressed eyes, I knew she was frightened because of it.

"Please stop," she whispered as she came near me and touched my shoulder gently.

I extended out my hand and brought her close to me, while also trying to fight my own tears. All the previous feelings that I had experienced had vanished, maybe not vanished completely but diminished for now, and for now that was okay.

"Let's go to school now," I spoke to her softly, while a small smile formed on her face.

"Hey little girl, watch out!"

I gave a small gasp and gave a quick step back as a car rushed past me on the street. The cross guard me gave me small disapproving head shake before she motioned me and a few other kids to cross the street.

"Next time don't be lost in your thoughts," she said to me before giving me a small smile as we passed by her.

I nodded, a warmness appearing on my cheeks for being scolded on something so idiotic. Still I couldn't help but smile as I reached the curb and began walking for school. I won't be lost in my thoughts anymore, especially frightening thoughts that don't need to be relived.

* * *

I passed through the hallways, on my way to the classroom, when I saw him. He was talking to what I was guessing some of his classmates, since I recognized some of them but never actually talked to them. I could see how his eyes danced with delight when he laughed at his friends were talking about casually, and I found myself watching him, not even walking anymore. I was about to take a step in his direction when I realized what I was doing.

I frowned and let out a frustrated groan, ashamed and angry at what I was about to do. Was I being ridiculous? Was I actually going to walk over to him on my own will? I glanced at him again as he talked to his friends, relieved he hadn't noticed me. It was almost as if I felt some sort of…attraction to him.

_Rima, you're not entirely alone._

The words he had spoken to me yesterday quietly resonated in my mind, and I leaned against the wall, tightening the grip on my book bag as I regarded him silently with contemplative eyes. I didn't understand…was I really starting to see him as an ally…or friend now? Someone who knew what I was going through and didn't have to hide it from him? I thought briefly about what had happened in the morning but quickly tried pushing it out of my mind, only succeeding as it became a dim memory, still existing in the background. I clutched my book bag closer to me. I didn't understand…it couldn't be that I was actually seeking support or even comfort from him…could it? I narrowed my eyes at him and started walking away. No, I couldn't. I didn't want to become someone who couldn't survive without relying on someone else. Accompanying me to go to the doctor, that frightening place, was one thing. But going to him and spilling out all my troubles was another. I frowned as I stared at my reflection that casted off a window I passed by. I didn't want to become that. Before I couldn't give it anymore thought, a familiar voice broke through my mind.

"Rima!" Amu's eyes sparkled and she smiled as I turned around and meet her eyes.

"Amu," I spoke, caught completely off guard at her early arrival to school.

Her smile weakened and her eyes dimmed which surprised me even more.

"Rima, are you okay?" she spoke, her concerned eyes studying me.

I opened my mouth to say something but closed it quickly. She had seen me without my cover, without my disguise, and I knew that was bad. Could I keep on doing this? Could I keep on pretending that everything was okay? As I stared up at her worried eyes, I took a quick breath, trying to rid myself of any thought that posed a threat in blowing my façade. I knew I had to for now, no matter how much effort it took from me, I had to. I didn't want everything to end here like this; I didn't want to lose any normality that was left just yet.

"Yes, I was just worried about today's homework," I answered in what I hoped was the appropriate tone for the situation, as I frowned a bit, making myself believe it.

"Oh, was that it?" Amu asked, letting out a small laugh. "Don't worry, if you want I can help you right now, but you shouldn't put too much trust in me, I was having problems also."

"It's okay," I replied, "I trust you."

Amu smiled at me, but meeting her eyes, I could tell she sensed something else wrong with me, her bright eyes that were trying to cloud those feelings.

I smiled back, feeling hypocrisy creeping up behind me.

"I'm glad you do."

* * *

"I hate today."

I trailed slowly behind Amu as we made our way to the gym.

"I think you mentioned that a couple of times today," Amu replied, stopping to wait for me. "Come on, P.E. isn't that bad…"

"Sports are so much fun! You get to run and jump and hop and-"

"You can say that Amu," I interrupted Ran, who was always became excited and pumped for P.E. class, "You actually have a chara that helps you with all that stuff."

"Well," Amu muttered, letting out an ashamed giggle, "that's true, but you know how I'm trying to be good at sports by myself."

"I guess I just don't like sports then," I stated bluntly, hoping the class would end soon.

"Don't worry then," Amu replied, flashing a smile at me, "whatever sport we play, I'll take care of all the hard physical stuff and you can…."

"Do nothing?" I suggested, that option seeming very tempting.

"I was going to suggest to just pass me the balls," Amu said, "but if you want to do that, then sure."

"For today, I do," I spoke, feeling tired just thinking about P.E.

"Okay, then that's what we'll do! Hopefully, the coach will let you get away with it," Amu answered, smiling at me.

I let a small smile form on my face before Amu suddenly frowned.

"I can't believe it! I forgot my P.E. uniform in the class!" Amu exclaimed in frustration, smacking a hand to her forehead. "I knew I was going to be out of it today because I woke up too early."

"I'll wait for you here," I said, and she turned to me, her eyes shining in gratitude.

"Thank you Rima!" She turned back and started walking fast to the classroom. "I'll be back!"

"Amu is always in another world right?" Kusukusu said, laughing her signature giggle.

"I think so," I replied, a small giggle of my own escaping from me. Today was going good so far, I managed to control myself and not let anything that had happened this morning ruin the day. I hoped it stayed that way. As for P.E., the class that I detested the most, that was the only thing I could see that posed a threat though. Even though I hated sports, I usually tolerated it, but today, even if I could try to ignore the morning's events, I couldn't ignore the fact that exhaustion was taking over me today. Tomorrow I'll have more energy, and then I'll play and actually help Amu. I didn't allow myself to think that it could only get worse from here.

I leaned against the wall and waited for her, a few people passing by on their way to P.E., most of them already over there. I started to feel impatient, looking in the direction that Amu would be coming from. If she didn't come soon, we would be late and would have to run extra laps than the others, something that I really wanted to avoid. I noticed that I was near the principal's office whose door was open and got closer, wanting to get a quick sneak peek at the clock to see if we would even make it in time.

I quickly glanced in, squinting at the clock, noticing we still had a couple of minutes before we were considered late. I gave a sigh of relief but before I could go back to where I was waiting for Amu, I noticed her. A girl who looked to be a bit taller than me, with shoulder length black hair was standing there, nervously biting her nails while a woman with short dark red hair was standing next to her, who I assumed was her mother. The woman was talking in a hushed concerned tone to the principal, but I couldn't see her expression since her back was facing me. I turned my eyes back to the daughter, who was now examining some paintings hanging on the wall beside her.

I couldn't read her expression very well, since part of her hair was covering her face, but as I stared at her, a feeling of nostalgia swept over me. Why did I suddenly feel melancholy? I couldn't comprehend why as I regarded her silently with wide eyes my heart felt heavy and wistful. Did I know her? No, that couldn't be it. Still, I couldn't help but feel sorrowful as I peeked from outside, maybe I had meet her in the past, maybe….

_Rima, _

_Rima, _

"Rima!" I broke away from my thoughts and turned to find Amu with a confused expression on her face.

"What happened?" Amu asked, peeking into the office as well as I quickly backed away from it.

"Nothing, I was just looking at the time to see if we we're going to be late," I answered, still confused over what had just happened.

"Don't worry, we still have a few minutes," Amu replied, smiling to reassure me, "If we hurry fast, we'll make it in time."

I nodded and I quickly followed her steps as we made our way to the gym. Who was she? I could feel that question poking at me as I frowned in frustration over it. Oh well, I shouldn't think about it now, it didn't concern me as far as I knew. I had too much to handle already.

* * *

"Score!"

I smiled at Amu from where I was sitting as her team congratulated her on sending the volleyball fast over to the other team, where I was happy to see Saaya scowl and kick the volleyball hard in frustration, only to get hit as it bounced off a pole.

Amu quickly glanced at me and gave me a shy smile as her cheeks glowed pink from the praise she was receiving from her time. She deserved it too; she was playing the game without Ran's help, which showed how much she was improving at sports. I was happy for her.

I sighed, placing a hand on my forehead as I felt my exhaustion taking its toll from the laps we had done during the first half of the class. At least we didn't get there late; I don't think I could've done the extra ones. I closed my eyes for a bit, while leaning back against the wall. I didn't want to admit to myself that the time would soon come where I wouldn't be able to do P.E. class anymore, the thought itself frightened me. That thought almost made get up from the corner that I was sitting away from the coach's eyes and join in on the game and run, jump, and hop…right now when I could. I was too worn out though to muster up the energy and right now with my eyes closed, everything felt comfortable, I wouldn't enter my fantasy world of darkness here…

"_Are you tired?"_

"Yes."

"_Don't you want to go somewhere else more comfortable and sleep?"_

"No, I like it here."

"_Why?"_

"It's not dark."

"_Is it dark when you sleep?"_

"Yes."

"_How is that?"_

"I don't know, let me sleep!" I opened my eyes, a bit dazed to find myself still at the gym, where the game of volleyball was still going on. I guess I did fell asleep then, though I still felt a bit tired. I had the idea that a loud yell or the sneakers squeaking against the floor had waked me up until I heard his voice.

"Rima?"

I reluctantly turned to my side to find Nagihiko kneeling down next to me, a confused yet amused expression crossing his face.

I narrowed my eyes at him, frustrated that he had found me like this and turned back to the game.

"Are you okay?" I heard him ask in a concerned tone, and I nodded my head, keeping my eyes on the game, where Amu was serving for her team.

"Then why aren't you playing along with Amu?"

"I don't like sports." I stated curtly, and then I couldn't help but ask, "Why aren't you?"

"I was but my team switched out on players so that other could have a turn."

I directed my gaze over to the other side of the court, where the boys were, which happened to include Nagihiko's class today.

"Soccer?" I asked, watching them kick the ball around with force.

"Yup," he answered with chuckle.

"Looks boring," I spoke nonchalantly, still studying them.

"I don't find it boring."

At his tone, I turned my gaze to him, only to find him staring ahead with excitement glinting in his eyes. "I think sports are very fun."

"Why?" I questioned, frowning at his statement, and he turned to me, his expression containing a small smile.

"Why not? You get to kick, run, sprint, and exercise, all while having fun also," he spoke lightly. I shook my head and turned back to the game, thinking it was a typical answer.

"But," he started, his tone becoming different, "I guess I see sports as a way of being myself." I glanced back at him and saw the same thrill in his eyes as he stared at the soccer game.

"I enjoy challenging myself in all the different types of sports, trying to improve each time I play, at the same time working together with my team, we don't always win, who does anyway?" he spoke thoughtfully, letting out a chuckle, "But knowing that we all tried our best, that thought alone encourages me to try harder, keep on improving, and hope we win the next one."

"So you like sports because you're in a team?" I asked, trying to figure him out.

"You could say that," he said, reverting his glance back to me, "I guess I like it because I'm not in it alone, the spotlight's not only on me but on every else also. It's nice to shine by yourself but being in a team, knowing they helped you shine as you helped them, no matter whether you won or lost, it's a great feeling."

I stared at his deep, pensive eyes, somehow detecting there was something else that he wasn't telling me to fully understand what he was saying, but I felt it was something that was too personal.

I went back to observing the game, where the ball went flying in Amu's way but missed hitting it, resulting in disappoint evident on her face before she quickly shook it off, having determination in it instead.

"So," Nagihiko started, his voice containing a bit of accusation, "you don't want to go back to taking a nap since you have a distaste for sports?"

I frowned in annoyance, still keeping my eye on the game, knowing that he knew it wasn't just because of that. I rested my eyes on Amu, who hit the ball successfully over the net while Ran cheered her on. Amu knew that I hated sports, she knew that I would go out of my way to not get involved with any game that included a ball, but knowing her, she wouldn't let get out of it easily, instead, she would encourage to play and try for a bit. Times like this, it frightened me, getting the feeling that she already knew something that she wasn't supposed to know yet.

"Do you think…" I muttered softly, bringing my knees close to me, "…she knows?"

Nagihiko stayed quiet for a moment, staring out at Amu with distant eyes.

"Amu may be oblivious sometimes, but she's not dense," he spoke softly, "I don't think she knows the whole truth unless you told her but she knows something is wrong."

I didn't respond and instead stared at the floor.

"She sees how troubled you truly are and becomes troubled herself."

I turned my glance back to him, noticing how his eyes became upset.

"Are you telling me that it's because I haven't told her that she's like this?" I mumbled, trying to keep the anger from being evident in my voice. "It's my fault?"

"Rima, how can you say that?" Nagihiko replied with wide eyes. "How can any of this be your fault?"

It's how everyone is making me feel, I thought but didn't say it out loud. I actually thought of mentioning how my parents were acting but seeing his distressed face, I knew it wasn't the right time. I knew once I started talking about them, I felt as if I would lash out with all the angry and hurtful emotions I didn't have a chance to get rid of this morning. It definitely wasn't the right time right now. I especially didn't want to take it out on someone who didn't mean it that way.

"Nagihiko!"

One of the boys from the other side of the court waved at him, I assumed motioning him that it was his turn to play now.

Nagihiko turned back to me after giving a quick wave to him.

"Rima-" he started, his eyes containing hurt as he stared back into mine but I interrupted him before he could say anything else.

"Go, your team needs you," I spoke in a composed voice.

"Nagihiko!" Another boy called out, impatiently this time.

Nagihiko continued to stare at me, frowning at me for a moment before he stood up. "Rima," he stated in a serious tone this time, "I hope you understand that your thinking is wrong."

I watched him run off to where his teammates where waiting and I stood up, not wanting to be inside the gym anymore, where it seemed too cramped. I started to walk outside and wait for Amu there, thankful that the coach didn't see me as he was too into the game. I wasn't sure whether to believe what he said, but for now, I tried to. I sat on the curb under the shade, hoping that the sun's rays shining everything around me would make me feel better than what I really did.

* * *

"Rima," Kusukusu said, staring at me with upset eyes, "is it really all right to keep doing this?"

I glanced down at the street, waiting for that familiar car that I knew wouldn't come, no matter how much I willed myself that it would.

"No," I answered after a moment, "but, we have to for now."

The guardian meeting was over and these past few days I made sure they all thought my parents still picked me up from school. The meeting was the same as usual, perhaps the only difference was discussing Easter for a bit. It's true that we haven't heard from them in a while and Tadase concluded that Easter maybe had given up its goal of collecting the Embryo. Nagihiko however, suggested that we shouldn't just forget all about Easter, that out of nowhere they may strike again when we least expect it. While everyone continued to discuss the matter, I tuned out, never thinking that I would be in a situation where Easter suddenly seemed as a joke and a big waste of time. What was it that they wanted to achieve anyway if they ever did get the Embryo? There were other things that I had to worry about and everything about them seemed almost like fantasy for me now.

Nagihiko didn't speak to me during the meeting, just once when he caught my eye the corners of his mouth turned upwards, almost a small smile. I responded by blinking at him and broke my gaze from him. I still wasn't sure what to make of the conversation we had in the gym but I wasn't thinking about it for now. I didn't want to stir up those feelings that made me feel a bit frightened at myself.

"Let's go home, Kusukusu" I said quietly, glancing to my side.

She nodded her head, revealing a bittersweet smile. But before I could stand up and be on my way, he interrupted again, as he always did.

"Rima-chan," he spoke, suddenly appearing next to me.

I didn't say anything that acknowledge his presence and when he took a seat next to me, I knew very well what he wanted to lecture me about.

"Are you waiting for your parents to come pick you up?" He asked in a casual voice, even though I knew he was far from being casual.

"Yes." I lied, hoping he would believe me this one time.

"Are they going to be late today?" He questioned, and I held my book bag close to me, trying to decide whether to just tell him or not.

"I don't know," I answered quietly, that same reply answering my own question.

"I'll wait with you."

I turned around and found his face containing a small teasing smile, though his eyes held something that I couldn't decipher, of course he knew, but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction that he was right, as always.

"Do what you want," I replied, already planning on leaving soon. The security of my room in that isolated house suddenly seemed welcoming. At least I wasn't placed on the spot there.

"Fine," he spoke in a slight teasing tone before it became more serious, "then could I ask you what you meant back at the gym?"

I resisted the urge to clench my hands, as that previous conversation generated a spark in those emotions that I desperately wanted to extinguish. No, I didn't want to ruin my day like this, not when it was coming close to the end.

"It didn't mean anything," I muttered softly after a brief moment.

"Rima-" he started softly, before I interrupted him again just like back at the gym.

"Please," I stood and faced him, causing him to stand up as well and meet his sorrowful eyes.

"Please," I started again, this time more softly, "I want…" I stopped; knowing what I wanted to say but somehow couldn't as I felt distress overcome me. He wouldn't understand if I told him. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and started again, "I want to thank you."

"Why? Why are you thanking me now?" Nagihiko questioned, his tone becoming more anxious as he stared at me with confusion in his eyes.

"I know that you mean well," I started, relieved that I still had a composed voice, "but please, can you understand that maybe there are some things that I don't want to talk about with anybody?"

"Rima," he spoke, his tone a bit more relaxed, "You know that I want to help you right?"

I didn't reply to that, knowing the answer to that but I didn't muster up the will or energy to say it out loud.

"You don't have to tell me all of your troubles," he continued, "But at the same time I don't think it's right for you to keep it in all to yourself."

I glanced up at him, seeing his dark brown eyes, seeing how this troubled him as well. So was everyone being troubled by me?

"I have to go home now," I mumbled, trying to prevent that disturbing thought from taking over my mind, and turned my back to him.

"At least let me walk you home," I heard him speak, his tone full of concern.

I knew I should have said yes at that moment, or at least okay. Anything that could've prevented what was about to happen. But at that moment, I thought that I needed to be alone so that I could keep my emotions in check. And in that moment, being alone seemed as the best choice for me.

"No," I answered, starting to walk in the direction to my house, when I heard him.

"Rima, please don't make it harder than what it seems."

That had done it. My anger had not disappeared, only diminished. I thought with the right will and attitude, I wouldn't think that way again, that everything was my fault, when I knew deep inside that it wasn't something I controlled. But now, my will had broken and I could feel the anger pierce through my heart and pulsate throughout my body. It terrified me.

"Don't make it harder than it seems?" I muttered softly, almost in a whisper before I turned around to face him. "Don't make it harder than it seems?" I repeated, raising my voice a bit.

He held an expression of confusion for a moment before his eyes flickered in comprehension.

"Wait, that's not what I meant-" he started before I cut him off.

"How can you say that?" I mumbled, clenching my fists to my sides, already feeling silent angry tears threatening to fall any time soon. "How can you possibly say that…when you don't know what you're talking about?"

"Rima you're not letting me explain!" He spoke in a raised voice, his eyes filled with distress.

No, no, no, no, no, no! I was tired; I was tired of hearing people twisting my story so that it made me as if I was the one at fault, as if it was because of me that this was happening, as if I had any control over it. I was tired, couldn't they understand that?

"No!" I exclaimed, emphasizing my thoughts exactly. At the same time, a hard pain hit my head, causing me to sway, my surroundings blurring together. It's my fault, my own fault.

A sudden pair of arms embraced me before I could lose my balance. I gave a small gasp at the sudden action, mostly because it hurt. Before where I could've perhaps found some comfort in his hug, now I only found pain, my anger only fueling it. It's my fault; it wasn't his, only mine.

"Let me go." I muttered curtly, my arms strictly at my sides, wanting to have the least contact with him as possible.

"Not until you listen," I heard him murmur softly, feeling his troubled yet determined aura surrounding him.

"I don't have to listen to anything," I said, but he still didn't let me out of his embrace.

"Rima," he spoke softly, saying my name with such pain and sorrow that I couldn't stop my hot tears to fall from my eyes. It was my fault; it was my fault that he was suffering, that Amu was suffering, that my parents were suffering. All of it was my doing.

"I don't know what is going on through your mind but," he started saying softly, his tone clearly upset, "how could you have possible gotten the idea that everything that is happening is your fault?"

Why was he doing that? Why was he only making my heart feel even worse than what it already felt? This was not going to work out. I was stupid enough to almost believe that I didn't have to go through it alone. Alone might be lonely, but alone I didn't hurt anybody, only myself. I wouldn't have to carry the heavy blame that I was ruining someone else's life, that I was staining theirs just because mine was stained.

"Let me go!" I exclaimed in fury, using all my strength to push him away. He didn't release his grip, which in turn made my anger grow stronger.

"You still haven't answered my question," he demanded, raising his voice.

"Don't you understand?" I cried, trying to flail my arms from his grip.

"Understand what?" he questioned in an anxious tone, and I told him. I told him exactly what I wanted, exactly what I hoped I didn't receive, exactly what I was yearning for, and exactly what I was terrified of.

"I want to be alone!"

A brief moment passed before he slowly released me and stepped back. I didn't meet his gaze at first but after a few seconds passed, I willed myself too. He stared back at me with dull eyes, his face showing no expression at all which frightened me a bit.

"Y-You don't understand," I started softly, my voice quivering, "You really don't understand at all what I'm going through, nobody does, and now I realized how it was me, how it was my fault, to see what they have to go through because of me."

Nagihiko didn't say anything; he only stayed quiet, meeting his bleak eyes.

"You don't know how my parents are now," I continued, hoping I could keep a stable voice and my body from shaking, "You don't know how much it pains me to see them suffer, to see them like this, you don't how much it pains me to see Amu like this, and you don't know how much it pains me…." I trailed off, not wanting to mention the last person.

"A-And," I stammered, raising my voice a bit as if to make sure he would absolutely listen to this, "You don't have to pretend, you don't know!"

"Rima," he spoke quietly, seriousness dripping from it, "I could ask you the very same question…how can you say that?"

I blinked at him, not knowing what he meant, staring into his sudden hard eyes.

"How can you possibly say that everything is your fault?" He asked in frustration, his voice rising as well.

"Well, it sure doesn't help by the little comments that you-" I started arguing, glaring at him before he cut me off abruptly.

"Did someone actually come out and practically screamed at your face that it was your fault?" He shot back, glaring as well.

"No, but-" I spoke, frustration building up before he interrupted me again.

"And how can you possible say that I don't know? That I don't know how it feels to pretend?" he demanded in a loud voice, giving off a frightening demeanor. It began to intimidate me, which didn't help my shaking body at all. I stared up at him through angry tears, as he stared back at me through frustrated, almost angry eyes. I hated to admit that perhaps it was true, who was I to accuse him that he didn't know anything? But for now, I hated this, I hated everything about this, I hated what I was feeling, I hated what was happening with Amu, I hated what my parents had become, I hated my illness, and I hated what he was doing to me. I hated it!

"Nagihiko please!" I cried, angry tears falling down faster. All I wanted was to go home, no, what I wanted was for everything to be like it was before, before any of this happened. Was it possible?

"Tell me! Why do you keep on saying stuff like that?" he cried with an angry frown, and I turned away, not wanting to say what was about to come out of my mouth. I knew it wasn't truth, it wasn't, it couldn't be, but right now, I felt that I just had to say it, to get rid of my frustration and anger with the world. I brought my gaze back to him, staring at him with angry eyes.

"Nagihiko!" I cried again, feeling my heart clench, "I hate-"

"Rima! Nagihiko!"

I turned to that sound of that familiar voice, only to feel horror overshadow my body. It was Amu, who looked as if she had come running over, staring back and forth at Nagihiko and me with a worried face. I could only stare at her in alarm, not knowing what to say or do. Did she overhear anything? No, it couldn't end like this, it couldn't.

"Rima, are you okay?" Amu questioned anxiously, coming over to my side and placing a hand on my shoulder after noticing my tears. I quickly tried drying my tears, though new ones would replace the old ones.

Amu turned her stare to Nagihiko, "What happened?" she questioned, almost in a accusatory tone, " I just heard arguing going on out here before I left and I ran to come check it out…"

I finally glanced back at Nagihiko, who was staring at us as if he couldn't believe what had happened also. His eyes then turned to me, meeting mine only, containing pain and frustration. He knew, he knew what I was about to say. I covered my mouth subconsciously, as if to prevent myself from saying it the complete sentence. It didn't make any difference though, letting out a small cry at the thought, he knew.

"What happened? Can someone speak?" Amu demanded anxiously, her eyes demonstrating impatience.

I widened my eyes at Nagihiko. Would he tell everything? No matter how much I practically begged him before not to? My heart started racing at the possibility, making my legs feel weak. I stared into his deep brown eyes, which seemed to contain…almost hate. He wouldn't, he couldn't do this to me. I narrowed my eyes at him, as if almost daring him to do it, to say everything and ruin what was left of any brightness in my life. If he did, I would without a doubt say the complete sentence that I was about to say before Amu came, and know I would mean absolutely every word of it, with every ounce of my energy and soul.

Nagihiko studied between Amu and me, looking as if he was debating what to say or do. He then met my eyes for one final time, pausing for a second before he turned away. His eyes had been distant, almost emotionless which caught me off guard compared to how frustrated and angry he had seemed before.

"I'm sorry, Amu-chan," I heard him speak quietly in a tone that I couldn't recognize and turned his back on us before starting to walk away in the opposite direction.

"Nagihiko!" I heard Amu call out to him in a worried tone. She probably would've ran after him and demanded from the both of us what was really going on, except my legs suddenly gave away.

"Rima! Are you okay?" She kneeled down next to me, trying to help me up, but I shook her off.

"I'm okay," I answered in a calm voice, which surprised even me, though my cheeks were still stained with tears.

"Rima, tell me what happened, please," Amu pleaded softly, her warm hand still on my shoulder. I studied her face, which contained an upset frown along with distressed eyes. Her eyes, which were no longer bright right now, were now dull, and I couldn't stand to see her like that.

"Amu," I started quietly, breaking her gaze and studying the floor instead. I paused for a moment before I answered her, and turned my glance back at her. "You know how I and he argue; you know how we don't get along…"

"Rima," she spoke softly, her pained eyes saying everything that needed to be said. She didn't believe it was the truth, or at least the whole truth, but it was all I could tell her for now.

"I'm okay, Amu" I blankly reassured her, "I don't think we'll ever get along but its okay." I stared at the street, in the direction of that car that wouldn't come, no matter how much I wished for it. "I'm okay."

* * *

I gazed at the whiteness of my ceiling from my bed, noticing how calm and blank it seemed, nothing filling up its space. I blinked, my eyes bothering me for a bit from all the crying that I had done once I had gotten home. Somehow, Amu managed to believe me, or at least pretend she believed me for now. She walked me home, but not before I called an imaginary parent, informing them that I would be walking. I knew I wouldn't be able to forget the expression on her face when she left, the sadness written upon it. I closed my eyes, trying to push the whole afternoon out of my mind.

"Rima, let's go get something to eat," I heard Kusukusu suggest, knowing that she had only said that just to get me to eat something.

"I'm not hungry," I replied, still keeping my eyes closed, not wanting to see her expression either. Knowing that I had put her through extreme emotions today, I knew I didn't deserve the kindness she was giving me. I wonder what she had felt when I had been crying earlier, sobbing for my parents, sobbing for Amu, and sobbing for him. I doubted my mom heard me, and if she did, she heard me but didn't listen to see how much I yearned for her at that moment. But it already happened, it couldn't be helped now.

I wouldn't feel anything now. I opened my eyes and examined the ceiling again from the comfort of my bed. It was empty and alone from the other colors. I wouldn't feel anything now because from now on I would also be empty and alone, empty from emotions that causing pain was its only purpose and alone, where I wouldn't trouble anyone and rely on no one, that way no one would point fingers at me when everything became difficult.

My mind briefly wondered to that strange girl I had seen at the office, but I quickly pushed her out of my mind too. I was weird to even think that I may have met that girl before. She wasn't anyone that concerned me.

I closed my eyes again, not letting myself fall into that unconsciousness yet. I didn't want to enter that frightening world yet, perhaps something that I wouldn't be able to cut my emotions from completely, but for everything else…he passed through my mind, but I quickly erased him before it produced any other unwanted feelings striking at me. I'll show him. I'll show him that I was capable of managing by myself.

"I'll be alone…but I'll be okay," I said out loud to myself, thinking that it might make it easier to believe if I spoke it out loud.

* * *

**Thank you for all your reviews! :D I'll try and get this story to move faster, I still have to figure out some things and see what has to happen to get where I want to get haha xD And on another note, I wanted to talk about my love of musicals :) Well, actually just 2 that I've just seen recently xD Chicago was one of them, the 2002 version, and I have to say I love it! Two of my friends were always talking about it so me and a friend decided to watch it on the computer to see what the big fuss was about and yup, its good :) It's very different from other musicals that I've seen and I could see how it won the academy award for best picture for that year =] Another one that's probably not that well known is one that another friend had recommend after I recommended her Chicago xD It's called Repo! the genetic opera, which I also loved :) The style is very gothic and the music is very rock-influenced, also making it different from other musicals :D It's also kind of gory, but as for me, I really don't mind gory movies xD The only bad thing about it is that Paris Hilton has a role in it D: But her role fits her pretty well if you see the movie xD Anyways, if you love musicals and you haven't seen these two, I recommend them :D I shall try to update sooner also! :)**


	21. Procedures To Reach Common Understanding

**Before many of you get angry at me, I want to say that I'm really sorry for the super late update D: I've been very busy with work and now that school has started, I'm busier more than ever, falling behind in my sleep again...From now on I will try to update as soon as possible, though I can't make promises anymore, I really do want to finish this story, but I still have a long way to go xD Thank you everyone for your reviews, they really do motivate to keep on writing! =] I wrote this chapter while being super sick...so sorry if there are any mistakes, I had trouble writing it xD So enjoy! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara or anything related to it. **

* * *

"_Is that why you were crying?" The boy questioned, staring into her eyes with concern._

_She nodded, a sniffle escaping from her as she rubbed her eyes, trying to stop the tears from escaping from them._

"_Don't worry, I won't let them be mean to you," he promised, feeling a bit angry at how her classmates could tease her into almost making her cry. _

"_Really?" She asked softly, peeking from her hands that were covering her eyes, meeting his sincere eyes and soft smile._

"_Yes," he nodded, his unwavering determination evident in his smile, "I'll protect you from them!"_

_Her tears stopped falling, placing her hands down so that her whole face was visible, her eyes filled with hope as she smiled at him, though there were tears still wet on her cheeks._

"_Can I come here again?" She asked meekly, not wanting to leave this place or him._

"_Yes!" he spoke, letting out a small chuckle at her sudden shyness. Of course she could come back to this green scenery, after she was part of his world now, at least his world here. And he wouldn't let anyone harm her._

* * *

"I mean it," I stated clearly, staring into his eyes for a second before turning away.

"I don't think that's the whole truth," Fuyuki Kirishima spoke, staring thoughtfully into mine even though I refused to meet his.

"Why do you say that?" I questioned emotionless, staring out at the window next to me.

"I know when I confessed to you the first time it was too soon for you, " he started, his tone becoming distant and pensive, "but ever since then, you also rejected everyone else…"

I turned my gaze back to him and met his melancholy eyes. It was true that when he first confessed to me it was too soon, I couldn't see myself going out with someone yet, we were small. But now that some time had passed between us, we weren't as small as before and it's true that I've rejected all the other boys who confessed to me since then, but was that such a bad thing? I knew I couldn't deny that there was something that I didn't even recognize what it was that kept poking at me and prevented me from entering a special relationship with someone. And also considering what suddenly plagued my life…

"I wasn't interested in any of them," I stated, knowing deep inside that it wasn't the whole truth.

"No, I don't think that's it," he spoke softly, "Mashiro-san, I think you're afraid."

"What?" I snapped, staring at him hard.

"I think you're afraid of being with someone," he said, ignoring my glare and giving me a small sad smile, "but you shouldn't push away people because of that."

I stiffened, not wanting to hear what might be the truth.

"You're wrong," I muttered, denying his claim and walked past him, on my way to my classroom.

"Mashiro-san!" I heard him call out my name, turning the heads of some nearby students but I didn't stop my stride and was glad that he didn't follow me.

I'm doing good, I thought to myself as I slowed my walk as soon as I was certain he wasn't behind me. I'm doing good on holding up on everything that was troubling me. But he made it a bit difficult though. It's true that I rejected everyone but it's because I didn't like them…right? And it's true that even though I didn't accept his confession the first time we managed to remain friends but that doesn't mean that I had to accept it the second time…right? But one thing for sure, he shouldn't have dared to call me afraid.

"Rima!" Amu swung her shoulder over me, something uncharacteristic of her.

"Amu," I said softly, noting her bright smile.

She pulled back and studied my face for a second before frowning.

"Is everything okay, Rima?" She asked, her eyes anxiously meeting mine.

"Fuyuki Kirishima confessed to me." I said blandly, my face void of any emotion.

"Again?" Amu questioned, her eyes widening with surprise. "And what did you say?"

I shook my head slightly, a small sad smile creeping up on my face.

"I see…" Amu said in a pensive tone, and then added more softly, "He still really likes you…"

"I know," I spoke quietly, "But it's not the time right now."

"Well, as long as you're happy that's all that matters right?" Amu said more cheerfully, a small smile spreading on her face though it didn't reach her melancholy eyes.

"Yes." I said, plastering a fabricated smile on my face.

Amu knew there was something wrong, but she hadn't confronted me directly and aggressively about it and I was glad. These last 2 days had come and gone, and they had been empty, just as I had decided ever since my fight with him. Amu did ask me about it the day after, but I had told her it was nothing in an emotionless voice, and for now, she accepted it, though I could see right through her pained eyes that she knew there was more to it. I wasn't sure if she had gone and confronted Nagihiko about it but if she did, she didn't say anything to me. And as for Nagihiko, it was harder than I imagined but I was managing. I didn't see him anymore. I saw him physically of course, but for me, it was almost as if he didn't exist anymore, he was just there. It probably would've been excruciating for me with the words he had hit me with but I had thrown fear, anger, and all those undesirable feelings out…which left me with nothing. With the way he was acting, he probably didn't see me either and that was okay with me, it just made it easier for me to go through the motions of life and accept how everything was now.

"Oh yea," Amu suddenly said, "You're still busy tomorrow right?"

I nodded as we both started walking to our class.

"That's too bad," she added, disappointment written across her face, "I thought that maybe we could've hanged out…"

"Maybe next time," I added nonchalantly after a brief moment. I knew I should hang out with Amu very soon, I knew she was getting worried about the way that I was acting, but for now, I just had to get through tomorrow. Tomorrow was my doctor's appointment, where they would check my blood and see how my condition was progressing. Normally that would've frightened me, sending my soul shaking in fear. But now…I knew it was something I had to do, I wasn't scared anymore. Being filled with terror, despair, and all those ugly emotions didn't benefit me at all. I clutched my book bag tighter to keep my hands from trembling.

"Next time for sure then," Amu hopefully said, her bright smile fighting its way to emerge again.

I nodded, but before I could respond back, I saw him. I saw him at the turn of the hallway, chatting with some of his classmates. I saw him, but of course, I didn't feel anything anymore. I couldn't. As we got closer to them, I could feel Amu beside me tense up a bit, obviously not liking the situation that Nagihiko and I were in.

"Hey Nagi," she tried saying casually, though I could still detect a tone of anxiety in it.

"Amu-chan," he said friendly, acknowledging her as if everything was normal as it always had been.

I walked right by him, as I had been doing these past 2 days, forgetting he existed. And of course, he acted the same way, which I appreciated very much, it only made it much easier for me to ignore the fact that he was still here. And he had every much right to do so anyway. With the way I had treated him after the meeting when I was playing the illusion that my parents would soon come to pick me up, and with the words that I was about to say to him before Amu barged in, he had every earned right to do so. Those past events didn't run through my mind anymore, it was too dangerous; instead I focused on the outcome of it, I was alone again, troubling no one with my stupid worries and fear but myself.

Amu hesitated for a brief moment before catching up to me; her face caught in a troubled expression but quickly arranged it into a cheerful one before I should notice. I could feel the words that she was bottling up inside, the many accusations declaring that both Nagihiko and me were being unreasonable, but of course, she didn't know the real reason behind it. Instead she started chatting about her homework and little sister troubles from back home.

I silently thanked her as I replied back with the appropriate responses to her carefree remarks.

* * *

"Rimaaa," Amu said in an accusing tone, drawing out the last vowel of my name longer than necessary.

"What?" I asked blankly, preparing to put my lunch away.

We were sitting under the tree outside at lunch, at Amu's request. We've been eating there for these 2 days, and I oddly enjoyed it a bit, something I didn't have to pretend. Being away from everyone else and just watching everyone go on with their daily lives, joking around with their friends walking by, playing a quick game of soccer, I emptied my mind and focused on them instead of me for a change. Though a memory from a while back still poked my mind, where another person was with us too...

"You're wasting food again," Amu pointed out, giving me a teasing disapproving frown, "at least share you know…"

"Go right ahead," I said, and pushed the food toward her.

"No wait, that's not what I was getting at," Amu pointed out shaking her head while her charas laughed.

"Just go on and eat the lunch Amu, you know you want to!" Ran cheered, waving her pompoms.

"That's true, you shouldn't waste such yummy food that obviously looks like it was cooked with care," Suu commented, smiling softly at Amu.

"I meant that-"Amu started arguing before she turned on her charas with suddenly a frightening demeanor.

"Why do you guys assume that was what I actually meant?" She questioned, narrowing her eyes while her charas flew away, giggling at Amu's expression.

"I'll deal with them later at home," Amu said before turning her glance back to me, her annoyed expression changing into a concerned one.

"What I meant was that YOU should eat it, you shouldn't waste it" She spoke in a disapproving tone, pushing the food back to me.

I stared at her blankly, "But I'm not hungry anymore."

"Umm..well…" Amu searched for her words with hesitation, not knowing how to reply to my response. "…You're not throwing it away…right?"

"No, should I?" I asked, already standing up, looking for the nearest trash can.

"No, not what I meant!" Amu exclaimed, standing up as well, her uncertain eyes meeting mine.

"Don't worry," I assured her in a composed voice, "I'm not going to throw it away, I was joking."

"Oh really?" Amu questioned in relief, letting out doubtful giggling. "I guess you do take comedy seriously…"

An unexpected small smile crept up in the corners of my lips at her reply. Amu smiled back at my reaction though I couldn't help but wonder why she was suddenly questioning my eating patterns…she wasn't the person that was in charge of that, and that person certainly had no right of that anymore, not that he ever had a right. Did he put Amu up to this? I shook that thought out of my head. No, he wouldn't be able to tell her about how I should be eating without telling her everything.

"Rima-tan! Guess who?" I heard a cheerful voice exclaim as two hands covered my eyes, blinding me momentarily.

"Do I have to?" I asked with a hint of annoyance as I felt Yaya jump behind me.

"Yes! Yaya wants you to guess!"

"H-Hey…" I heard Amu speak in a less than enthusiastic tone, while I could hear Yaya-chan shushing her.

"Yaya ," I said bluntly, "You just said your name right now."

"She's right Yaya-chan," Amu said with an amused expression while Yaya pouted.

"Yaya needs to stop doing that!" she sulked, and then covered her mouth again while Amu shook her head with resignation.

"Anyways," Yaya resumed, her disappointed attitude disappearing, her usual delighted one taking its place, "Yaya notices that you guys have been eating outside lately!"

"Yea, we have," Amu replied while Yaya smiled even brighter than before if possible.

"That's why Yaya loves eating outside! People are happier outside with the bright sun and flowers and trees than inside!" She caught my eye and smiled sincerely which caught me off guard; before she bent down to examine our lunch's leftovers.

"Hey, is that the only reason why you came all the way over here?" Amu questioned, a suspicious smile forming on her face while her eyes narrowed.

"No, not at all…you guys don't have anymore sweets how mean!" She cried pouting while Amu crossed her arms, looking annoyed though in her eyes I could see she was feeling anything but.

Maybe Yaya had also started to notice the difference in the way I was acting, I thought as I observed their harmless quarreling. Of course she would notice, she was pretty much the epitome of happiness and joy herself, of course she would notice when someone was feeling otherwise. Did maybe Amu or Nagihiko tell her anything? As I watched her steal a brownie hidden in Amu's lunch while Amu tried getting it back, I deeply hoped that she didn't know anything; I didn't want to ruin her carefree happiness, her innocence, something that I admired from her though I would never admit it.

"Hey, we should start getting back Rima," Amu pointed out after failing to retrieve her brownie, to which Yaya had already eaten all of it in under ten seconds.

"You're right," I replied, breaking away from my thoughts, already seeing many people walking back towards the building.

"Let's go then!" Yaya exclaimed pushing me forward playfully as we made our way back.

It was there when I heard them talking, people whose opinions didn't matter to me but still talked as if they personally knew what type of person I was.

"That's her!" I saw one girl trying to point discreetly at me but not succeeding.

"So she's the one who rejected Kirishima-kun?" Another questioned quietly, though her words still resonated to my ears.

"Yup, I saw when it happened, and apparently every boy that's confessed to her she has rejected," another added.

"Rejected Kirishima-kun? The star of the basketball team?" A tall one asked in surprise.

I could feel Amu beside me start to get angry, the air around her tensing up while Yaya shot a look at the girls though they ignored her.

"She's absolutely a favorite among boys," one sulked, "but I can why they refer to her as a delicate doll," she meet my eyes for a second and said her next few words almost seeming as if she said them directly to me, wanting for me to hear them, "you can see but you can never have."

"You guys must be seriously stupid to be saying stuff like that," Amu finally turned to face them, her voice calm though fire clearly blazed in her eyes. They looked a bit taken back but stood their ground.

"Haven't you noticed Hinamori-san?" one of them shot back, though still a bit intimidated, "your friend always rejects everyone, it's because she simply believes she's better than all of them."

"Hey! Rima-tan is one of the nicest persons ever!" Yaya argued, glaring at them.

"Or," that girl continued looking condescendingly at me, "is it because she simply wants to be alone?"

"R-Rima!" "Amu called out as I quickly walked away from the scene in the opposite way of the hallway, making my way through oncoming students, their insignificant voices surrounding me. Everyone's voice didn't matter, their thoughts weren't of importance or any use to me at this moment in my life, so then why was everyone forming thoughts for myself? Kirishima stating that I was afraid, those girls declaring that I wanted to be alone, Nagihiko saying…

I turned back, and was relieved to see that neither Amu nor Yaya was following me, of course it was hard to tell with the wave of students making their way to their classes, but I couldn't detect a flash of pink hair or a lock of orange hair. I turned at a corner, not knowing where I was going but not caring. I wasn't angry at them, I had already made my decision to throw those undesirable feelings away but I felt some sort of frustration and anxiety, I had to get away from there as quickly as possible before those feelings had any chance of resurfacing.

I didn't realize I had been walking blindly, driven by that urge of getting away until I crashed with someone coming my way, the impact sending me down on the floor.

"Ow," I muttered, standing up slowly to dust off the dirt of my skirt. I turned my attention to that person to mumble a quick apology when I noticed it was her, the same black haired girl I had seen in the office a few days ago.

She also was sent to the floor, a more confused expression than a pained one on her face, almost seeming as if she didn't seem know she had gotten there. Many papers had flown out of her grip and were scattered along the floor, with few students passing by quickly, stepping on some. She quickly stood up and started picking them up, a worried look replacing her previous one on her face.

I automatically started helping her, picking the ones near me. I only caught a glimpse of one which was a drawing of some sort with wings before I arranged them and held them out to her. She paused before she took them, her eyes meeting mine. We still hadn't said a word but I could feel her staring deeply into my eyes in a curious way, her clear blue ones still containing some hint of confusion. As last time, a wave of nostalgia washed over me, my heart feeling wistful. I felt the urge to say something, but my words seemed to be caught in my throat.

"Rima-tan! There you are!" Yaya exclaimed, her sudden hug breaking me free from my temporary daze. "Don't worry! Yaya taught those girls a lesson!" She said triumphantly.

"A lesson?" I repeated, feeling confused from what had just happened.

"Rima," Amu spoke, appearing from the corner with a small smile, "Those girls shouldn't bother you anymore, we told them off."

"Yes, we sure did!" Yaya cried, a mischievous grin forming on her face while Amu shook her head uneasily.

"Yaya! Don't make it seem like if we did something else," Amu replied with an anxious tone, though I could detect a hint of amusement in her eyes. Her eyes then rested to the girl in front of me.

"Oh, hi there," Amu said with a small smile, "Are you Rima's friend?"

She didn't reply, instead staring at her and Yaya with the same curious, yet confused look in her light blue eyes. Amu seemed confused and it took a while for me to register what was actually happening.

"I bumped into her accidently…," I said trailing off, trying to shake off those unusual emotions. I met her eyes again, and felt a bit taken back when a small smile formed, taking place of her confused expression.

"I'm sorry," she said in a soft voice, before quickly turning at the corner of the hallway and walking away.

"She seems nice, Yaya likes her!" Yaya exclaimed, giving a thumbs up.

"Yea…" I said, still looking at the way she had gone, a frown unconsciously forming on my face. It troubled me how every time I saw that black-haired girl, it somehow triggered a nostalgic feeling, as if I had known her from a long time…

"Don't worry, Rima," Amu reassured, placing her hand on my shoulder, smiling warmly at me, "She seemed okay, I don't think she's angry that you bumped into her."

"Right," I said in a distant voice, before I felt someone start to push me from behind.

"Rima-tan! Yaya doesn't want you to be late for class!" I heard her exclaim, forcing me to quicken my walk.

"Aren't you going to be late too, Yaya?" Amu asked worriedly, and Yaya gave a small laugh.

"No, Yaya always goes to class at this time, so it's not late for me!" She spoke cheerfully, dismissing Amu's question.

"That's still late for the teacher though…"Amu stated trailing off while Yaya kept on arguing that it wasn't.

My thoughts were still on that strange girl and also on those other girls who had said those remarks about me, but I pushed them out of my mind. They were also things that I didn't need to think about right now. After getting a goodbye bear hug from Yaya, Amu and I took our seats, where the teacher gave us a quick glare for being a few minutes late and resumed scribbling on the board, which seemed as if his goal was to fill up every space in it with confusing symbols and numbers. Instead of spacing out as usual, I decided to try and understand what the teacher was actually talking about. If I couldn't understand what was happening in my life right now, at least I should understand school. That was the least I could do.

* * *

"And that's how Yaya escaped from the evil teacher on the corner of the hallway after art class, still having one cupcake left!"

"Really Yaya?..." Amu questioned, a weak smile forming on her face as she stared at her friend's triumphant expression and bright smile at what she had accomplished.

The others let out a small laugh, while I took a small sip from my tea, checking the time inconspicuously on my phone.

"Why do you check your phone so much, Rima?" Amu suddenly questioned, and I put the cup down, already having formulated an excuse if she of all of them, should notice.

"My parents have been saying that I've been coming out of the meetings later than usual…" I said nonchalantly, almost believing it myself.

"Oh, do you have to go already, Mashiro-san?" Tadase asked with a concerned expression.

"No…it's still fine right now," I replied, though in reality nothing sounded better than that suggestion. Nothing sounded better than curling up in my bed and not dealing with anything or anyone, which was causing me to check the time constantly these past few days. I felt no interest in being involved with the guardians anymore, with the meetings that is. They started to feel like a waste of time to me. And it wasn't because of him either. We both greeted each other at the meetings, and that was it. I didn't care anymore and I was almost sure he didn't either. We both could've been total strangers from the way we were acting and I was sure that the other guardians noticed but didn't say anything. I wondered if Amu had told Yaya or Tadase what she had seen, but it wouldn't really matter to me anyways at this point.

"That's good, cause we have a job that you and Nagihiko can only do," Tadase said with a friendly smile, too friendly for it to be just pure coincidence that the persons who weren't getting along were paired up.

"Really?" I asked blankly, making it a point to stare at Tadase and not at the other person sitting next to him.

"Well, Hinamori-san, Yuiki-san and me are each going to turn in some documents which left us with only one pile….you wouldn't mind doing them together?" he asked in an innocent tone, while Yaya nodded with a bright smile and Amu shyly smiled and looked away, guilt written all over her face.

"Sure," I head Nagihiko reply in a friendly tone; though I was sure he felt otherwise and was only complying with their "plan" to make them satisfied.

"Fine," I said bluntly, checking the time once more.

"It won't take long," Tadase reassured me with a warm smile.

It better not, I thought with frustration.

* * *

I trailed behind him quietly, as he walked ahead of me, checking the documents we had left to hand out to some teachers. I had to admit, there was a bit of an awkward air surrounding us, but maybe it was just me. We didn't talk at all, the only time was him asking if the spelling of a teacher's name was correct, to which I replied with a simple "yes."

I wondered if we still had many documents left but I didn't dare ask him. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be though. As I followed him, I was distant, lost in my own thoughts. I was somewhat proud of myself that I did well by sticking to my promise and eliminating those hurtful emotions that would've probably filled me with being with him. He was a stranger to me now. Whatever happened with him before I could forget all about now or at least try to.

But right now, walking behind him, seeing his long, silky hair fall gently behind his back, I couldn't help but remember times surrounding the school festival, how we both had been chosen to go shopping as a pair, and how back then, though I didn't like him, everything seemed….happy and carefree compared to now. I knew it wasn't possible to go back in time, but thinking about past times made me feel a bit melancholy and lonely, my heart feeling knotted. I knew that everything couldn't stay unchanged. I turned my head instead to glance at some people playing soccer in a wide open area, cheering at someone's goal. I found myself colliding with him right after, pulling me out of my thoughts, not realizing he had stopped abruptly. I stepped back, rubbing the side of my face. He remained looking forward, not turning around to even say sorry. But before even one of us could say anything, two guys had emerged from the building and had seen me crash into Nagihiko.

"Isn't she Rima Mashiro, the one who rejected Kirishima?" I heard one say to his friend.

"Yea, he was real bummed out in class today…" the other replied.

"I guess it is true what some girls were saying today, you can look but you can't touch," the other stated in a more quiet tone, though both me and Nagihiko clearly heard him. They walked away in another direction after a quick look at me, saying something else though I didn't hear them.

I could feel a frown starting to form in my face, but I stopped it before it did. I made sure I had a composed face before starting to walk again, passing Nagihiko who was still standing there.

I hoped, hoped he didn't speak but he did.

"Rima," he spoke softly, and I stopped in my tracks, trying hard not to clench my hands into fists. No, I couldn't speak with him right now, if I did….

I started walking again, my pace steady and I could hear him follow me after a few steps but I didn't stop. I didn't know where I was going, certainly not back to the guardians, I blindly walked where my feet were taking me. I didn't know how long we walked until I realized that he would follow me all day if I kept on walking away. I stopped at a spot a bit far out from the school with a trees surrounding us, and paused for a moment, making sure that I had an emotionless face, the mask that I had been wearing these past few days. I slowly turned around to face him, meeting his dark brown eyes.

"If you're going to say something about what those boys were talking about," I stated, a bit surprised how steady and firm my voice sounded, "Then you're just wasting your breath since I don't want to hear anything about it."

He didn't chuckle as he usually would've. Instead he regarded me with pensive eyes, his expression not giving me a hint on what he was really feeling, almost as if he was void of emotion.

"No, I was just going to ask what time it was," he replied without a smile, though I could detect a slight tone of amusement in his voice.

"Really?" I asked curtly, obviously not believing him at all.

"You've been checking your phone a lot during meetings like Amu says, you should know," he spoke, his accusation stinging me.

"Is there any point in this conversation?" I questioned, keeping my tone composed though I narrowed my eyes at him, "Because I'm having trouble seeing where this is going."

He didn't reply, his deep eyes still studying mine. I let out a small scoff and started to walk away, not even planning on going back to the guardians anymore and just going straight home.

"Wait," he spoke suddenly, making me pause. I didn't turn around to face him again; why was he making it so hard for me? Couldn't he see that I was trying to live up to what I had said before, that I wanted to be alone? I let myself frown since my back was turned to him, I could only let myself do that much.

"Rima, "he started quietly, staying where he was which made me glad; I didn't want him near me. "I don't break promises, and I know…" he continued, pausing for a bit before continuing again, "I know that ever since that time after the meeting, you made your point in what you want to do, and I'll respect it."

I didn't reply back, concentrating on a single leaf on the grass, anything that would distract me from all my bottled up emotions breaking inside me.

"But," he spoke, his tone becoming firm, "I had promised you I would accompany you tomorrow, which is what I'll do and after that, we can act as if we don't even know each other."

I took a deep breath and turned to face him, his face not showing anything at all, his eyes distant.

"You're an idiot," I spoke in a blank voice, my body stiffening at his words. "I can handle it, I'm not weak you know."

He didn't reply, instead he turned his back on me, his long dark hair coming into view again. After a brief pause, I started to turn to continue my walk back home before he did speak up again.

"I wonder if what everyone is saying about you is truly right…" he spoke softly, this time actually detecting a bit of sorrow in his tone, but very slightly.

I halted my steps to a stop, not turning around to look at him, but not wanting to continue forward either. I didn't want to keep on walking forward by myself, I didn't want to continue being alone through this. But if it was causing everyone so much pain to walk with me, then what was the point? But I couldn't tell him this, because deep down I knew that he understood what it meant, that suffering would be involved. And I had already said all those hurtful things to him, taking out my frustration with the world on him, and also had almost blurted out the one thing that I would regret saying the most. And he knew, which was what pained me the most. I had to force myself to keep walking alone, to keep on going by myself, until the end. An unexpected shiver ran through my body, chilling my heart at that very thought. No more being afraid, I scolded to myself, a small melancholy smile forming on my face though I could feel my hands trembling.

"Rima!" I heard KusuKusu exclaim, flying up to me with worried eyes, shattering away my thoughts. "An X-egg is near, I can feel it!"

"X-egg?" I asked, my eyes widening at her claim. An X-egg? But they haven't appeared in the longest time…

"An X-egg?" I heard Nagihiko also question in a shocked voice, and I turned around to find staring back at me and KusuKusu, his eyes tense and anxious with his mouth in a worried line.

"Yes!" KusuKusu cried, her upset eyes meeting his as well.

"Where is it at, KusuKusu?" I questioned, forgetting all about my previous troubles.

"I can feel its presence this way!" She exclaimed, flying towards some trees more far out from the school. I started to run after her, and soon heard Nagihiko running behind me as well. I could feel frustration start to rise in me but I ignored it, following KusuKusu.

"Useless, useless!" I heard it cry out, something I didn't expect to hear anytime soon. I stopped, spotting it hovering up in the sky. I noticed the dark aura surrounding it, becoming stronger before the egg finally exploded.

"An X-character?" I heard Nagihiko speak, as the X-character began to gather more energy, but looked down and spotted us.

"KusuKusu," I spoke, facing her with a determined face.

"Yes!" She exclaimed, also wearing a determined expression on her face, one that I haven't seen in the longest time.

"My own heart, unlock," I muttered, words that I haven't spoken recently. I felt myself surrounded by that strange power locked up inside me and in a flash; I emerged as clown drop, my alternate ego.

"Get away from here," I commanded Nagihiko as I stepped forward, bowling pins already set in my hands.

"No," he spoke in a firm voice, standing beside me, staring up at the X-character in a persistent expression, his eyes unwavering.

I glared at him for a second, before turning my attention back at the X-character. I couldn't deal with him right now; he looks out for himself then.

"Juggling Party!" I directed my bowling pins to the X-character, flying at high speeds towards it. The X-character laughed however, quickly dodging them all, surprising me with its fast agility. It let out a cackle before smiling menacingly at us, gathering a ball of energy in its hand and hurling it at us all in fast motion. It happened too fast however and I found myself thrown to the other side, barely missing me. It took a second for me to register that Nagihiko had pushed me out of the way, his body taking the fall instead of mine.

"Are you okay?" He asked, still holding me close to him. I quickly pulled myself away from him and glared at him, my eyes burning into his.

"Get away from here! Go call Amu!" I cried at him in impatience.

"No, I can't leave you alone here!" he argued, standing up quickly though I could see he had taken the fall hard, wincing as he stood up.

"You can't chara-nari!" I reminded him, though that didn't wipe the set expression he had on his face.

"True, but that doesn't mean I can't help you at all," he stated, studying the X-character who was preparing for his next attack, "he's a fast X-character!"

"Tightrope Dancer!" I exclaimed, ignoring Nagihiko's remark about it, sending many ropes its way. As before, the X-character dodged them all, and sent the next ball of energy at us, all in a very quick way, almost a blur. Again I found myself thrown, Nagihiko having saved me from harm's away. I stoop up, but I must have stood up quickly since I lose my balance a bit, Nagihiko catching me…again.

"Get Amu!" I cried angrily at him, frustrated that he wasn't listening to me.

"It's too fast for you, I can't leave you alone!" He argued, and I ripped myself apart from him.

"I don't want you here!" I exclaimed, surprising myself for one split second. Was the reason that I didn't want him here was because I didn't want him to get hurt?.…

"I'll distract him while you attack him from behind," he spoke in a firm voice, ignoring my pleas, "otherwise you won't be able to attack him at all."

"No!" I ran away from him, trying to divert the X-character on me only. I could do it, I could do it alone.

"Juggling Party!" I cried once again, sending fast pins its way. And once again, the X-character dodged them all as if nothing, sending me a ball of energy all at once.

"Rima, look out!" I heard Nagihiko cry out, and I somehow managed to dodge it, throwing myself out of its way, but barely missing it by an inch.

"Rima," he spoke as he appeared next to me right away, helping me up. "Let me distract him," he said hurriedly with worried eyes, but I shook him off.

"Nagihiko I can do it alone!" I exclaimed, staring deeply into his eyes. I had to, I simply had to!

I ran away again, trying to send my attack in all directions while I was in motion.

"Juggling Party! Tightrope Dancer!" I commanded, sending an array of rope and bowling pins in desperation at the X-character, one had to hit him. He simply danced out of their way, sending two ball of energy instead of one. Nagihiko was able to reach me in time, pulling me out of danger once again as I landed on top of him.

"Stop it!" I cried, pulling myself up quickly.

"Stop being stubborn Rima!" Nagihiko spoke, frustration evident in his voice this time. "You can't defeat it by yourself!"

"Yes I can," I started to argue, glaring at him," You don't understand, I have-"

I was suddenly cut off short, as I felt it hit me.

"Rima!" I heard Nagihiko cry out in terror, but by then it was too late.

I let out a small cry as I felt its energy radiate pain throughout my body as I fell forward but only for a split second. I couldn't recall what happened after that, it was all a blur. I must've lost consciousness for a few seconds because when I woke up, I found myself on the floor, my body feeling a bit sore from the attack.

"Rima," I heard someone speak in relief, and I stared up, only to find Nagihiko hovering over me, both of his hands set on either side of me on the ground. He smiled for a brief second, though I could see his eyes were pained.

"Nagihiko…" I muttered, staring up at him with wide eyes, until I noticed the X-character was producing another ball of energy. "Look out!" I cried, but it all happened to fast and aimed at us, but Nagihiko took the hit, protecting me from it.

"Nagihiko!" I cried, meeting his distressed eyes as he winced in pain, somehow still managing a small smile.

"Are …you…okay?" He asked softly in a strained voice, which was the last straw for me.

"Stop it!" I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down in a hug. He gave a small gasp, the action clearly surprising him, surprising me as well.

"I don't want you protecting me," I muttered softly, holding him close to me, my heart throbbing in agony now more than ever, "I can do it alone." I couldn't, I couldn't…I couldn't stand to see him get hurt because of me.

"Rima…"he spoke quietly, his voice heavily with sorrow. I let my arms slowly fall down to my sides, releasing him. He carefully sat up, his anguished eyes meeting my dark ones as I still lay on the ground staring up at him.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed the X-character getting ready for another attack. But before I could decide what action to take next, I heard them, making me burst with relief.

"Go, go duckies!" I heard Yaya cry out in excitement, sending many rubber ducks at the X-character, actually catching him off guard for the first time, causing his energy sphere to dissolve into nothing.

"Holy Crown!" Tadase shouted, sending a beam of energy at it, also catching him unprepared, sending him flying into a distance.

"Rima! Nagihiko! Are you guys okay?" Amu exclaimed, running towards us in her Amulet Heart form.

I carefully sat up, still feeling a bit sore, Nagihiko still kneeling beside me.

"The other charas had felt the presence so we came here as soon as possible," she explained anxiously, "Are you guys hurt?"

"No, I'm okay," I replied in a calm voice, my eyes glancing at Nagihiko beside me.

"I'm okay, too" he replied, smiling at Amu though I could still see his eyes held a bit of pain in them. He stood up though, with a hint of determination written on his face.

"So how about you help this little guy out, Amu?" He suggested, motioning at the X-character weakened by the previous attacks from Yaya and Tadase.

I stood up after him, giving Amu a small reassuring smile.

Amu nodded, smiling with a strong resolute and faced the X-character.

"Open Heart!" A bright light emerged from her locket, shining towards the X-character, forcing it to go into its X-egg, which after a luminous light, turned back into the pure egg of someone's heart, flying off into the sky.

"Amu-chi! You did it!" Yaya cried in happiness, rushing over to glomp her.

"Y-Yaya, I done it before you know?" Amu replied, her pink cheeks glowing with embarrassment.

"Fujisaki-san, Mashrio-san, are you guys all right?" Tadase asked, coming over with a concerned expression, "We were afraid we came too late."

"Don't worry, we handled it pretty well," Nagihiko reassured him with a casual smile. I nodded, trying to not glance at Nagihiko.

Everyone else except him went back to their normal selves, their charas appearing by their sides again. When KusuKusu appeared next to me however, I fell down to my knees, my body suddenly feeling extremely weak, as if transforming with her had been really strenuous on me.

"Rima!" Amu and Yaya both went to my side, Amu placing her hand on my shoulder.

"I asked you before if you were okay," she said, her worried eyes meeting mine, an upset frown appearing on her face.

"Rima-tan!" Yaya cried in distress, pulling me into a bear hug.

"I-I'm okay, " I reassured them in a shaky voice, trying to stand up, "I'm just feeling a bit tired…"

"I think we did get here a bit late, I'm sorry Mashiro-san," Tadase apologized with a troubled expression. "Do you want us to take you to the nurse?"

"And tell her we've been fighting the X-character of someone's heart?" I questioned, Amu supporting me as I stood up. "I'm okay, don't worry."

"Rima-tan, you must have been fighting it with all your strength!" Yaya exclaimed, staring at me with bright eyes, causing a small laugh from Amu.

I gave a small peek at Nagihiko, whose expression I couldn't see, though I sensed an air of uneasiness around him. I knew it was for the best, I thought with an exhausted demeanor; he couldn't interfere with me anymore, no matter how much it hurt me.

* * *

How exciting! The person thought, walking in a satisfied manner, almost skipping through the streets where many people gave the individual a quick glance before continuing with their business. Not exciting as I thought though, the person concluded, a disappointed expression appearing before being replaced by a cheerful one. Oh well! It had still been entertaining! He had been wrong, or at least had exaggerated about them. Of course that person would rub it into his smug, annoying face, it was the least that being could do after going much trouble to initiate a fight for them, it had been very interesting in the beginning though with those two…..who cared? There were many things to be done, and right now wasn't the time to worry about them or the others. They were unimportant to the person, as was everyone in the world, including him, no matter how annoying or how much the person despised him. The individual smiled brightly, twirling the necklace between fingers. They all had no value at all.

* * *

I stood in front of the mirror, staring straight into my lifeless eyes, knowing what today lay ahead. I couldn't hear any noises from the rest of the house, but I didn't mind. I didn't think they even remembered but it was okay, this was something I had to do by myself.

"Rima, you'll see that everything will go okay," Kusukusu tried reassuring me, giving me a small smile thought it didn't fool me.

I nodded, taking a small breath. After the fight yesterday, Amu greatly insisted on walking me home after telling her that my parents wouldn't be able to pick me up, another lie. I crawled straight into bed after that, not wanting to be conscious anymore, that is not until this morning, where the ominous world I always entered whenever I slept woke me up with a gasp, my heart beating hard against my chest.

I haven't given a thought about him at all, nor did I need to. He understood what I had to do.

Tadase was a bit concerned about the X-egg that appeared out of nowhere, thinking that maybe Easter had been behind but it couldn't have, we haven't seen them act in the longest time. Amu mentioned Ikuto's name, becoming a bit melancholy but quickly brightening up after that. It might have just been a onetime thing with the X-egg, I thought not deciding to worry about it, I had much to deal with already.

I was almost ready to venture outside, to go to that one place that frightened me the most when I heard the doorbell ring. I automatically walked to the door, for split second thinking it was him before that thought left my mind. It was probably the neighbor, explaining how our mail had gotten mixed up again or someone else that didn't concern me right now. Instead, I opened the door and saw a tall, slender person, with long, dark hair tied into a ponytail, wearing a blouse and a long skirt, also wearing his exact face.

"Good morning, Rima-chan," he spoke in a much higher voice, his warm eyes complementing his warm smile directed at me.

"Nagihiko," I spoke in an aloof tone after a pause, still in shock, not believing what I was seeing.

He gave a silvery giggle, shaking his head, before replying.

"No," he said with an amused smile, her sincere eyes meeting my dull ones. "I'm Nadeshiko, Nagihiko told me to accompany you to this place so that you wouldn't go alone."

At this point, I considered slamming the door and crawling back into my bed. But I couldn't, I couldn't abandon what I had to do. As I stared up at "her" as she smiled friendly back at me, I thought I wouldn't get out of this predicament easily.

* * *

**Again, thank you so much for your reviews! :D I will try not to update that late again, hopefully xD By the way, has anyone been watching the new season of Kuroshitsuji, I just love Alois! x3 ****I love his psychotic personality, though its sad what has happened in the recent episodes... :( Anyways, read, review and await the next chapter soon! =]**


	22. Sorry For the Bad Thoughts

**...I don't even know what to say, except so sorry for the months' delay :( This semester was really busy since my classes decided to assign me loads of homework...boo :( But I passed all my classes, especially one that I was having trouble :) This chapter is short compared to my recent ones, well I guess not that recent really, but I really wanted to put something up soon. Again so sorry for the really late update and now that vacations are here, I will really try to update as soon as possible, maybe making my chapters a bit shorter so that I'll be able to update more often. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara or anything else related to it D:**

* * *

"I'm Nadeshiko," the person in front of me spoke in a gentle voice whose resemblance was exactly to someone I didn't really want to see at this moment, minus the hair style, clothes, and mannerisms. "Nagihiko told me to accompany you to this place so that you wouldn't go alone."

My eyes widened at the figure that stood ahead, completely appalled at what was happening. So I did the only thing that came to my mind.

I slammed the door shut in "her" face and started retreating back up to my room.

I heard a knock again on the door and I stopped in my tracks. I let out a sigh and looked back the door. In my mind I was already forming a plan to escape from my window somehow without letting "her" see me but I guess it would be the "mature" side of me to face my problem instead.

I slowly opened the door, revealing the same person wearing a confused smile on his exact same face.

"What do you think you are doing, Nagihiko?" I questioned in a dead tone, staring accusingly at "her".

"As I mentioned before," she spoke calmly, not responding aggressively at all to my accusation, "I think you are mistaking me for my brother, I'm Nadeshiko, his sister."

"That doesn't make any sense." I stated, starting to lose my patience with this self-proclaimed person.

"Well, when two persons are brother and sister that means that they both-"she started innocently, too innocently that I knew that it wasn't innocent at all.

"I didn't mean that!" I cut her off, raising my voice a bit, but then took a deep breath, reminding myself to calm down. This wasn't the time to raise my temper and get angry. First I had to get through this appointment today.

"Look," I spoke briefly after a moment, staring into her calm, deep eyes, "I have somewhere I need to be right now, so if you don't mind, I can't deal with you right now."

"I understand, Mashiro-san," she spoke in a silvery voice, smiling softly at me, "that's why Nagihiko asked me that if I wouldn't mind at all if I could accompany you to where you need to go today."

"No," I stated without skipping a beat, and after grabbing my purse from the side table near to the door, closed the door and started walking out to the front of my house to the sidewalk.

"Nagihiko asked me sincerely," she started in a more serious voice, and I stopped, my hand placed on the gate that separated me from venturing out from my house. "He said even though you two aren't on the best terms at moment, he still wanted to keep his promise…"

My eyes widen at her words, and my body started trembling. He had remembered? My grip on the gate handle tightened to the point that I knew I would have the shape imprinted on my palm.

"He's…stubborn…isn't he?" I muttered quietly, mostly to myself than to "her".

I still had my back to her and it was after a moment that I was able to turn around to face her with a composed face and blank eyes. Her face, though it contained traces of uneasiness, still had a soft smile arranged on it.

"I won't be able to get out of this right?" I stated curtly, crossing my arms to make it a point that I didn't approve of this at all.

"Nope!" she said in a happy tone, smiling innocently at me, "I promised I'd helped him out so I will."

"Whatever," I muttered starting to walk out of the house after opening the gate. Though I didn't want to admit it, deep inside I felt some sort of…relief? Was I really that frightened to face what I had to face today?

I heard her steps behind me and I rolled my eyes at what I also had to endure today. I wasn't sure though, if it was my imagination or not, that before I turned my back to her again to open the door, a sudden flash of sadness and pain passed through her eyes, but again, I could've been imagining it.

* * *

Of course she had asked what was it that she was accompanying me today, she had to. And I responded simply to the doctor's office, a short, simple answer with no explanation behind it. I was glad she didn't immediately pry into details; I wouldn't have given them away anyway.

On the way over to the hospital, I made sure I was a pace ahead of this person, so that I wouldn't walk beside her and she seemed to get the message. Though I agreed for her to come with me, I still highly disapproved of this and made sure that short distance was kept between us. I didn't say a word to her at all while we were walking or on the train that would take us there and she kept silent too, which was a good thing.

My head was filled with jumbled thoughts, thoughts of yesterday's events, concerning those girls who had talked bad about me, the x-character, and him. Was there perhaps another secret emotion hiding behind the anger I felt when he kept on saving me, especially when he took those hits from the x-character? I had told him that I could do it alone, that I could look out for myself, and I still couldn't forget the pain on his face when I had told him that. He didn't know how much it had hurt me too to say those words and how much it still pained me in my soul. I had unconsciously wrapped my arms around me while these thoughts floated in my mind while on the train, my dull eyes staring out at the sky, until I felt a warm hand touch my shoulder briefly.

I turned to my right to find her smiling reassuringly at me, her soft eyes meeting my dead ones. I quickly dropped my arms and looked away from her, still unsure of this person. I was also confused of her, his "sister", Nadeshiko. I remember how Amu would talk about her from time to time, how she used to be her best friend when she was still attending school with her before she left and how Amu had been devastated at first. I remember how jealousy would spark in me whenever Amu mentioned her but I also knew it wasn't fair; she had been her friend first.

So then how did it come to be that she would be next to me right now, instead of England or wherever she was supposed to be? And why didn't she instead go to visit her dear friend Amu instead of coming with me? Not unless she was…I quickly shook that thought out of my head, not wanting for it to be true. He wouldn't dare, he couldn't.

Of course, there was also the matter of that X-egg. It didn't occupy a big part of my mind but it still troubled me a bit. We haven't fought with x-eggs and x-characters in a while and for them to suddenly show up again…it especially didn't have great timing with me. And if doing a chara nari had taken a big strain on my energy yesterday, I didn't want to think how it could affect me later on. It frightened me.

"She's my… older cousin." I stated, taking advantage of her tallness, after taking a quick look at her. Better to say she's related to me some way too.

"O..kay." The lady in front of the office had said, a bit doubtful at my statement, but took it as the truth anyway. "Where are your parents?"

"They couldn't come." I spoke in an emotionless voice. "But I have a paper with their signatures here and my older cousin is accompanying me so…" I trailed off, hoping she would buy it. I didn't want to get my parents involved, not when they had closed themselves off to the world.

"How old are you?" She questioned Nadeshiko, who was caught off guard.

"I'm 18." She responded quickly but with confidence, though I could sense her nervousness.

I crossed my fingers behind my back. Please, please let her just believe it.

I let out a secret sigh in relief when she directed us to the waiting room with other patients waiting also. We both sat down in chairs next to each other, opposite of a TV on a wall. Two toddlers were playing with some blocks in a corner while other patients and family members chatted quietly among themselves. It seemed like a normal scene. But I couldn't get my heart to stop beating so hard and my hands to stop trembling.

"If you mind me asking," I heard her voice ask quietly, "Is there a reason you have to come to the doctor's office?"

"…A test…" I muttered softly, trying to control myself and breathe normally. It'll be okay. It will.

I felt that same warm hand touch my shoulder briefly and I turned around to find her smiling that same soft smile at me, somehow reassuring me. But this time, before of turning away, I gave her a quick smile. I was still unsure about her, but…I was still somewhat grateful she was here.

"Rima Mashiro?" I heard my name after a while, and I stood up with shaky legs. We followed a nurse who led us into a room with the doctor already waiting there.

She greeted us warmly and I greeted back nonchalantly, still trying to calm my heart down. I sat down in a chair and extended my right arm. Nadeshiko was given the option to wait outside if she wanted to but she chose to stay and went to sit on the opposite side of the room in a chair. Though I wouldn't admit to her, having her there helped me put me more in ease, at least a little bit.

"You will just feel a small prick, alright honey?" The doctor spoke gently and I nodded, turning my head so that I wouldn't have to look. I winced as I felt the needle pierce my skin and felt its sting as it drew blood from me. This wasn't right, I thought as I felt panic rise in me. They were missing here. They should be here. I needed to know they were, just feeling their presence would've been alright with me. They could've outside of the room, or in the waiting room, or outside of the doctor's office, or even in the park in front of the office. I just needed to be sure of them. But right now, I couldn't feel them at all.

"Almost done," she said, and I nodded once again, making sure I seemed calm and masking my true feelings. I began to feel light-headed and dizzy but I decided I was just over imagining it.

"Okay!" The doctor spoke as she removed the needle from my arm. "We are done, how are you feeling, Rima?"

"Good," I said in a composed voice, though I felt the room starting to shift. The doctor began to speak again, using words like next week, blood results, parents, but I wasn't listening to her. I stood up from the chair with shaky legs and met Nadeshiko's eyes, who smiled warmly at me with uneasy eyes.

His dark eyes were the last thing I remembered seeing before everything turned to darkness.

_

* * *

_

Mama, Papa

_Where are you?_

"Rima…"

I didn't want to wake up, I didn't want to face reality just yet, I was tired of pretending to be strong and emotionless when I wasn't it. Was it possible to just sleep forever until things were back to the way they once where?

Still, I flickered my eyes open slowly and was surprised to find tears falling down from them. I used my hand to quickly wipe them away before I noticed that someone was beside me. I turned to find Nadeshiko with a worried expression and pained eyes regarding me while she was in a seat next to me. It was then that I noticed that I was in some sort of bed, in a different room than before.

"W-What happened?" I asked in a weak, shaky voice, trying to immediately sit up but Nadeshiko held me back gently.

"I don't think you should get up yet, Rima-chan," she spoke in her silvery voice but meeting her troubled eyes reminded me of an earlier scene with him, when he had spoken those same words. I felt as if I found myself staring up at his eyes…

I stopped trying to sit up but instead turned my back to her, not wanting to be reminded of him at this moment.

"Rima, you gave us quite a scare," I heard the doctor's concerned voice coming from behind and I turned to find her walking up to us with worried eyes.

"How are you feeling now?" She asked while her soft hand touched my forehead briefly, a concerned frown forming on her face.

"Better, I think" I answered, still confused at what had happened.

"There are always some patients who pass out after a blood draw," she spoke, her worried face softening up a bit, "and it's usually those who didn't get a chance to eat at all the whole day," she ended, her tone becoming a bit serious.

"Sorry, I was such in a hurry today," I lied, feigning ignorance, "I didn't get a chance to eat any breakfast at all."

"Hmmm, I suppose it's alright for now," she answered after a moment, "but remember next time to eat at least something, it's always scary when one of our patients suddenly drops to the floor." She smiled softly, and I managed to smile back, for her sake.

* * *

We were able to leave a while after since the doctor insisted that I rested a bit until I felt one hundred percent better.

It was not that I didn't eat on purpose, but it was more that I forgot to eat. Or that I was starting to see eating as something unimportant. I guess it could also be that almost all of my appetite was gone now. If I ate at all, it was because Kusukusu reminded me, or should I say forced or just for show like in lunch. If I knew that it would cause me to faint after a draw of blood, I would've perhaps eaten at least a bit. I needed for everyone else to see that things were going okay. At least from their point of view.

It was not until I was almost to the train station that I remembered I was not alone. I had been running on autopilot, not having enough strength to even notice my surroundings or think about anything, everything was blank.

"Mashiro-san, would you like to get something to eat?" I heard her ask in a polite tone.

I didn't remember answering her, instead just looking out to other people passing with dead eyes, but either way, I found myself being led into the nearest restaurant. I didn't fight back; I couldn't muster up the strength or spirit to.

We sat down in a booth, opposite of each other. A server came soon after with a notepad, a smile plastered on her face.

"What would you guys like to drink?" She asked with a tone sounding a bit too happy.

"Two glasses of juice will be fine, is that alright with you, Mashiro-san?" Nadeshiko asked, smiling sweetly at me.

I nodded automatically and the server quickly left and brought back the juices.

"What would you like to order?" She asked again in that same fake, upbeat tone.

"We're still not sure yet," Nadeshiko answered, "Could we have a moment?"

"Sure, why not?" The server responded quickly and left, her plastered smile quickly dropping as she left.

"What would you like to eat, Mashiro-san?" Nadeshiko spoke, peering over the menu in front of her, "I think we have to decide soon though, the server seemed a bit aggravated for a reason…" she ended with a giggle.

I didn't respond back, peering over my own menu but soon my attention was caught to people passing by outside, going on with their normal lives.

"Mashiro-san," I heard Nadeshiko say gently, "A frown doesn't really suit you."

I turned by eyes back to her and meet her melancholy dark ones, those identical eyes which caused me pain…

"Who…are you?" I asked after a brief moment, not in a demanding tone but instead in a resigned tone.

A small, sad smile formed on her face but I spoke again before she could respond.

"I mean…I hate the food here!" I said, starting to regain awareness of my surroundings.

"Well if you want Mashiro-san, we could go to another restaurant-"I heard Nadeshiko saying in a friendly tone but I shook my head, staring down at the table.

"I just want to go home." I muttered in an emotionless tone, though my heart was wavering.

She didn't respond for a while and when I did look up to peek at her quickly, her face still wore a small, troubled smile while her eyes still remained sorrowful.

"…Am I being that much of a trouble for you right now?" She asked, her tone trying to remain joking but failing to trick me.

I didn't respond and turned away quickly, those eyes bearing too much similarity to his…it always distressed me every time I saw them though I tried to deny it.

"To still keep on doing so much for me…" I started softly, relieved that I managed to keep my voice steady but failed to calm my trembling hands. "…even after I said all those hurtful things to him…and he doesn't hate me?"

She did not speak right away but I still didn't meet her eyes. I stared out the window seeing people passing by, cars drive by, leaves fly, and everything else go by time. Time passed by quickly, and it pained me deeply but I needed him to hate me and stop having anything to do with me before it got too late. I couldn't keep on hurting him and have him stare at me with those same pained eyes. But trying to get him to hate me and saying all those harmful words was starting to hurt me as well, and there was a limit for how much hurt I could handle without breaking down…

"Hey Mashiro-san," I heard her speak softly and I reluctantly turned away from the mirror to glance at her but was a bit surprised at her expression.

She was still wearing a smile but this time instead of seeming troubled or worried it actually seemed and felt…genuine. Her eyes also seemed to reflect this, filled with kindness and comfort with no sign of distress at all.

"As I told you before, a frown doesn't really suit you," she spoke gently, her tone sincere.

I bewildered myself at the sudden faint flush that I felt in my cheeks but I quickly frowned angrily and turned away. Why? Was it that her aura suddenly seemed comforting and full of warmth that I actually started to feel as if a whole burden was lifted off of me?

"Are you guys ready to eat now?" the server said a bit too enthusiastically after coming back, an annoyed smile plastered on her face.

"Yes," I heard Nadeshiko reply to her, "How about you, Mashiro-san?"

I turned my glance back to her, who was waiting on my answer with a friendly smile, though the server was otherwise, waiting impatiently.

"Y-Yes." I answered in a confused tone, not sure if I actually meant it. But for now, it will have to do.

* * *

We weren't in the restaurant that long. I managed to eat almost everything, though I probably would've eaten less except that she joked that I needed to eat more if I wanted to be taller. But other than that, we didn't really talk much which I was glad she respected since I was still a bit unsure of her.

We got home a bit before the sun started to set, the sky already starting to turn in shades of orange. I opened the gate to my house, still not decided whether to thank her or not. Though I didn't want to admit, having her there at the doctor's office helped me calm down a bit. And also at the restaurant, somehow comforted my worries about him…

"Mashiro-san," She suddenly spoke, breaking the silence between us.

I turned to look at her, the gate to my house separating us. Did she have a pleading look in her eyes?

"I was hoping that um-"she spoke, seeming a bit nervous which caused to me to raise my eyebrow at her, "maybe if you didn't tell Amu about this?"

"Why?" I asked out flatly, becoming a bit suspicious.

"You see, I leave tomorrow again and I don't want Amu to think I didn't want to visit her because I did! But there wasn't enough time and then Nagihiko…" she trailed off, wearing a guilty frown on her face while she clasped her hands together.

I became very suspicious of her right then, but I could see how much it meant to her…

"Whatever." I spoke, trying to regain my usual nonchalant composure that I was known for.

I turned my back and began to walk to my front door when I suddenly stopped in my tracks. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and turned around.

"You." I spoke loudly, catching her attention as she was starting to walk away from my house. She wore a confused expression on her face which made it harder for me to say it but I knew I had to.

"…Thank you." I said, my voice a bit strained but at least I had said the words.

She smiled gently at me and I turned around to continue walking in my house and was almost close to opening the door but not before I heard her speak again.

"I'm not sure what is going between Nagihiko and you," she spoke with a serious but sincere voice, "but he cares, though sometimes it may seem he does not."

I paused while my hand was on the doorknob, but didn't turn back. Instead, I gripped it tightly in my hand and turned to knob to proceed inside. I stepped quickly inside, where silence seemed to surround me tightly. I was home.

* * *

"I'm happy everything went okay Rima!" KusuKusu exclaimed as I got in bed as the night rolled in and the stars gleamed.

"Yes, me too." I said softly to her. I knew that days before she could also feel the fear that was growing inside of me as the unwelcomed doctor's appointment approached though I tried to hide it. Guardian characters felt everything their owners felt, and it injured me that KusuKusu had to go through everything that I was going through. It wasn't fair.

"KusuKusu," I murmured, already covering myself with the many sheets I had on my bed.

"What's wrong Rima?" She spoke, her tone quickly changing to a worried one as she frowned at me.

"I'm sorry." I spoke quietly as sorrow tugged at my heart. I knew that by a long shot she deserved more than that but it was all I could do for now.

"What for? You didn't do anything wrong Rima!" She exclaimed, staring at me with uneasy eyes.

I smiled softly at her, knowing she was as stubborn as me.

"Good night, KusuKusu." I said turning to face the wall and closing my eyes before she could object any more.

She was not the only one who I had to say sorry to. Events of today, yesterday, and of past days materialized in my head before I drifted off. He had also endured troubles and pain because of me, and I knew he was still going to no matter how much I objected against it. I could keep on saying hurtful things to him so that I would not trouble him anymore, but in the end, I knew that it wasn't going to work out that way. He would still keep on caring and me pushing him away was just hurting us both in unnecessary ways.

I had made it clear in the battle with the x-character that I wanted to be alone but he knew it was a lie. How could I ever find the words to say I'm sorry to him when it wasn't enough?

And maybe…did I have to apologize to my parents as well for causing them to be in this state?

The whole night I slept curled up in a tight ball with my arms closed to my chest. It didn't help it to stop hurting.

* * *

**Thank you for all your reviews! They really do motivate me :) And again, I'll try to update more soon now, I'm still figuring out where I want to go with the plot and all the little plots hehe :) I'll try to update one more time before Christmas but if not, right after it! **


	23. Big Girls Don't Cry

**I don't know if an apology is even enough for almost a year with not update :/ sadly I was really busy or if I did have time, couldn't find myself motivated enough to write D: spring semester was busy with classes, homework and work, right after that, summer school was filled with even more homework and work, causing a very sleepless month :( and the last half of the summer was spent visiting long time no see family members in new york with the empire state building, rockefeller center, central park, and everything that made manhattan manhattan! :O (yes, I took a picture of times square with a kodak xD ) needless to say, I loved New york! such a big city compared to small one :( so I am now planning to move over there hopefully in the future, if living expenses over there ever go down D: **

**Anyways, I had actually started this chapter months ago I believe, but never had the chance to finish it up since my laptop decided to stop working for a while. And taking advantage of the time that I have now before crazy school starts again and takes away my sleep, I decided to finish it and post it! Sadly I can't promise if I will finish this story because of other demands , but if I do, it will probably be a while, though I really do want to finish this story. So enjoy the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I forgot what goes here, haha something about me not owning the characters from shugo chara I think...**

* * *

"It's amazing how you can destroy such a beautiful thing so easily."

The person was lazily sprawled out on a couch, staring up at what used a perfect model of a rose, now being reduced to a mere stump as he plucked out with delicate fingers the many petals it held, casually dropping them on the floor.

"But," he spoke, his tone and expression becoming serious, "maybe not really beautiful if its beauty can be taken away that easily."

With an angry frown, he threw what remained of the rose against the wall across from the couch, where it helplessly fell on the floor.

He felt the glare of a blue, dark haired boy who was a few feet away from him and turned his attention to him.

"I'm sorry, I guess I'm boring you right?" He asked, his voice quickly changing to an apologetic tone and an amused smile appeared on his face.

"What did you want?" The boy asked in a blank voice, though his eyes filled with pure hatred directed at that person said otherwise.

"As you might already know, I went to check out those so called 'guardians', the ones you said that could be a match for me," the person spoke, staring up at the ceiling, "but, I think I need not worry about them. "

He turned his attention back to the dark haired boy, directing a condescending smile at him, but did not like what he saw in his expression.

"Don't stare at me with such hate-filled eyes!" The person raised his voice at him, sitting up in anger. "She stared at me exactly the way you did," he continued, letting out a scoff. "But," he suddenly said with narrowed eyes and a smirk in the boy's direction, "we know what happened to her….right?"

Fury and pain blazed in the boy's eyes, but turned his glare away from that person.

"Can I go now?" He asked in an emotionless tone, though a bit of a strain was noted.

"Yes go," the person spoke casually, dropping back down on the couch and stared at the ceiling. "I'll call you again when the plan will be set in motion."

He heard the door slam before he finished his last sentence but simply giggled. How ignorant was he? It was pathetic. The guardians weren't going to stop him. They were but an easy obstacle to get past. Besides, he had something on that annoying boy. He twirled the pendant on his necklace between his slim fingers with a small smile set on his face, before turning to face the couch and closed his eyes. He was getting sleepy.

* * *

It was getting chilly, I thought, shivering a bit. We were doing some cleaning around the garden and in the storehouse, fixing up everything for the coming of fall. It surprised me how the semester was coming to an end, how our surroundings were changing, changing from a bright green to a warm orange. It also deeply frightened me at how time was ticking away rapidly, but fear was such a constant feeling with me, that I almost didn't mind its company. I definitely didn't welcome it, but I had no other choice than to endure it with me.

A few days had passed since Nagihiko's sister, "Nadeshiko", had accompanied me to my fearful doctor's appointment. It seemed surreal, almost like a dream now, but I knew it had happened. It had also made me painfully realize what I had to do, but…I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I took a quick peek behind and saw Amu cleaning some old furniture while Nagihiko was organizing books, moving them back and forth to different places. We were assigned the task of cleaning and organizing the store room, something I would reluctantly do but with him, I couldn't find myself feeling comfortable.

Other than words of greetings and farewells, we haven't really talked at all with each other. I knew the guardians noticed but it didn't matter to me. I almost felt…an awkward tension between us, and I didn't like it one bit. I didn't mention about his sister accompanying me to the doctor and he didn't as well. I felt as if I should thank him for somehow keeping his promise, but the words wouldn't come out. I knew I had to say something else first, but I could feel the words stuck in my throat.

Was it always this hard to say sorry? I frowned as I absentmindly cleaned the same spot in a lamp over and over again, lost in my own thoughts.

"Rima, I think that lamp is not going to get any cleaner than what it is now," I heard Amu say with a giggle.

"Is that so?" I said simply, stopping to examine the lamp before moving on to the next item to clean.

"You seem really distracted, Rima," Amu said with a hint of concern in her voice, "is everything okay?"

"Yes," I spoke nonchalantly, turning my glance at her and trying to ignore the other presence near her. "I was just thinking about…the x-character from that other day."

Amu's expression turned to that of a concerned one, her eyes filled with a bit of worry. "I think that was just random x-character, we haven't any these past few days….right Nagi?"

"That's true, but we still shouldn't assume that there won't be any more," I heard his voice reply to her, though I didn't dare glance in his direction.

"Don't worry, Rima" Amu replied, smiling reassuringly in my direction.

Before I could smile back in return, I let out a small sneeze and placed a hand on my head which had begun to throb painfully.

"Uh-oh, are you getting sick Rima?" Amu questioned, her tone again becoming worried and frowned at me.

"No, it's just the dust," I lied, trying to make it seem like an unimportant thing. The truth was, the past few days I had also been feeling a bit weaker than usual, but I shrugged it off, at least I wasn't having those excruciating headaches which tortured me in the beginning; those I wouldn't have been able to deal with. Today though, I felt as if my whole body ached and I could feel chills running through it. I knew I was getting sick, but had the mind that once I got home, I would just get under the covers and that would be the end of that.

However, right now with my head throbbing, I wasn't sure if I would be able to last till we finished cleaning the storeroom. But I couldn't just leave; I knew that he would know something was wrong. This was nothing, I could put up with a little cold till after we finished. I had to.

"If you want, I'll bring more paper towels with water to clean the dust, Rima," Amu suggested, her uneasy eye meeting mine, though a smile was on her face, "it's easier to get rid of dust than with a duster and have it fly all around, right?"

"No you don't-"I started to object but she was already on her way to bring more paper towels. Oh well, I could probably get the job done faster with paper towels anyway. But that also briefly left me alone with him. I wonder if Amu left just for that reason.

I turned my back to him and winced at the pain my headache was causing me. The shivers that I was having didn't help either. I felt completely awful and just wanted to go to sleep. With my hand still on my head, I closed my eyes and tried to relax and seem casual. I had to get it together.

"If you are cold," I heard Nagihiko speak nonchalantly from where he was, "there's a spare jacket by that table that you can use."

I didn't acknowledge him, and instead kept my back turned to him, ignoring my current weakened state and continued cleaning a table.

I threw all my attention at trying to scrub the table that I didn't hear his footsteps and felt the jacket swung over me.

I was taken back but I still kept my back to him, staring down at the table. Why was it so hard and painful to say it? I clenched my hands on the table, trying to muster up the energy to face him but couldn't. Why?

"You need to start taking better care of yourself, Rima," I heard him say in a softer voice, this time his tone sounding pensive, "If not for anyone, then for you."

I felt my hands starting to shake, but I knew I couldn't break down here. Telling him not to care was useless. Telling him to leave me alone was useless. If he would never leave me alone, then there was only thing left that I could do. I took a deep breath and turned to face him.

"Nagihiko," I spoke in a steady voice, my mouth set in a firm line. He had started walking back to his spot but he turned around at the sound of his name. His expression was emotionless but his confused but sorrowful eyes met mine, those eyes that I hated to see in that form and caused me to falter.

"…"I couldn't find my voice and could feel my determination start to weaken. "I-I…" I started, as his eyes continued to gaze into mine, but I still couldn't get the final words out.

"I found paper towels!" I heard Amu exclaim as she came running back to us. "They were kind of hard to find…"She said a bit sheepishly, then noticed the jacket I had on.

"Are you cold, Rima?" She asked curiously, eyeing the piece of outerwear that I had on.

"Yes," I said, a bit uncertainly. I quickly peeked at Nagihiko but saw that he was already back to organizing the books from before.

"…Did I interrupt something?" Amu asked quietly in an apologetic tone when Nagihiko went to the storeroom for some books.

"No," I said quietly, staring after him as he moved some books but quickly turned my attention to Amu, her bothered eyes meeting mine, "there was nothing to interrupt."

* * *

"We finally finished," Amu spoke with an accomplished expression on her face. She took a look around the storeroom with a small set smile before I heard a small poing and turned to us with excited eyes.

"Let's start cleaning more places! How about the classrooms? Or the basement? Or the whole school? Let's turn everything sparkling clean!" She flashed a sparkling smile at us along with bright eyes, a bit too bright for me.

I actually stared at her, wondering if she was all right in the head for a moment before I noticed a green clover pin on her hair and rolled my eyes.

"Chara change all of a sudden, Amu?" I heard Nagihiko chuckle near me and Amu's green hair pin suddenly disappeared.

"Suu!" She exclaimed, facing her small guardian character with a pink flush on her cheeks and with an annoyed frown.

"So sorry, Amu-chan," Suu replied with an innocent smile, not at all disturbed by her owner's potential explosive frustration, "I just thought you might need a hand with cleaning the rest of the place."

"We just needed to clean here though, don't go on adding more tasks for us," she muttered, relaxing a bit though a frustrated frown still remained on her face, causing Nagihiko and the other guardian characters to chuckle once more at her expression.

We walked back to the garden, where the other guardians were waiting for us. I was feeling the same, if not a bit worse than before, my whole body aching along with chills and a throbbing head. It was just a cold though, a simple cold, nothing to be worried about. However, I made sure to hide that I was feeling sick and feverish.

"Amu-chan, Rima-tan, Nagi!" Yaya squealed, running over to us. "Don't you agree with Yaya that cleaning is not as fun as everyone says it is?" She asked with a small pout on her face.

"But Yuiki-san," Tadase came over with a small smile, "It's still something that the guardians must do."

"That's right, Yaya-chan," Nagihiko replied, "I'm sure you can find a way to make cleaning more fun next time."

"Maybe seeing if you can clean the fastest?" Amu suggested but Yaya shook her head quickly.

"Yaya would rather clean by eating all the sweets that she can!" She exclaimed with a bright smile.

"That would just be cleaning the refrigerator…" Amu muttered crossing her arms, trying to keep a firm expression but failing as a smile fought its way.

"But it's cleaning!" Yaya said happily and clung to my arm. "And Rima-tan will help Yaya in this fun cleaning task!"

"Yaya-chan," I said, also trying to remain firm with her, "You know I don't like sweets that are too sweet for their own good."

"That's what scares Yaya!" She exclaimed with a distraught expression, causing everyone to laugh.

After some words regarding the matter of the X-character, the meeting was over. We've decided that it might have been a random x-character that emerged from some person but also decided to keep an extra watch for anything suspicious just in case.

I didn't pay much attention to that, I was just relieved that the meeting was over and could go home and crawl into bed, hoping tomorrow I would feel at least a bit better.

"Rima, it's been a while since we've hanged out," Amu spoke as we gathered our book bags, "do you want to go shopping with me? I just need to get something for my mom quick but we can take our time and browse around."

As if on cue, my head throbbed and I did my best to not wince in front of her. I knew I hadn't been spending much time with Amu, but right now I wasn't at my best and I was afraid she might realize something was wrong.

Nagihiko was still here, gathering his stuff as well. He was a few feet away from us but I knew he was listening. If I denied Amu's invitation like recently I was always doing, he would just secretly keep on worrying and that wouldn't be good. But maybe if I accepted this once, he would stop…

"Okay." I said, meeting Amu's eyes.

"That's great!" She replied, a soft smile appearing on her face and her eyes brightening though I could still detect a bit of worry in them…No, I wouldn't, I couldn't make her worry as well.

* * *

*Nagihiko POV*

I hoped I wasn't being too cold to her.

I walked slowly to school the next day, my book bag slung over my shoulder as I contemplated on events that had happened these past few days. She wanted to be alone? Fine.

But…for some reason, something prevented me from disobeying that requested. I could tell by her pain-filled eyes that it was a lie, a fake truth. I frowned to myself as I crossed the street, hearing the voices of other students fill my surroundings. No one should battle this alone.

I gave her the distance she wanted just to satisfy her though. But, I couldn't completely. Or can't. She did not know I worried about her almost constantly. Especially after learning about her family situation at home, I probably worried more than what I should've. But if not me, then who? I even went as far to dress up as my "twin sister" Nadeshiko just to be able to keep the promise I had made to her before we had our little argument. But it was because she was my friend, even though she wouldn't want to admit it.

Or was she? We weren't as close and when I had first met her, it almost seemed as if she considered me an enemy. But if she wasn't my friend, then what was she? Why did it distress me so much to see her suffer because of her illness? Why did it disturb me so much when I truly saw how terrified she was? And why did it anger me so much whenever she pushed anyone that was willing to help her? Why did she seem as an important person in my life?

I saw that I almost approached the school and shook my head discretely. Noo, I didn't need to think of such thoughts at school. Wearing an unhappy face was not acceptable for me.

* * *

*Nagihiko's POV*

Today I managed to be one of the first ones to arrive at the garden for the guardian meeting. I was arranging some papers when I noticed that Amu walked in. She had worried, distant eyes and a uneasy frown before noticing me and quickly plastered a smile on her face. Rima, however, was nowhere in sight.

"Nagi! You got early here today," she spoke, trying to be upbeat but I could see that something was troubling her.

"Hey there, Amu-chan," I replied, smiling at her, "Yup, I got out of class early today…I didn't see you around school today."

"Oh yea, sorry I ate lunch in the classroom today," she quickly said, letting out an uncertain giggle, which only increased my concern.

"Is everything okay?" I asked, meeting her troubled eyes.

"Yes, yes," she replied taking a seat next to me and shooting a smile in my direction before she turned away and ended in a more softer voice, "why wouldn't it be?"

"…Where's Mashiro-san? I noticed there was a small person missing when I saw you." I asked, trying to end it in a light tone, though I sensed something unpleasant and tried to ignore that feeling.

Amu did not respond right away and instead a frown replaced her smile. "…She didn't come to school today."

A knot immediately formed in my stomach but I tried to ease my concern. I knew she was sick yesterday but had things turned for the worst?

"Did she tell you why?" I asked, trying not to seem anxious.

Amu again did not respond right away but then turned her glance to me.

"Yesterday…" she started speaking quietly, her worried eyes meeting mine, further increasing my worry, "Yesterday, after shopping I walked her home, but as we almost reached her house, she suddenly collapsed."

All I could do was stare at her, unsure of how to react, but I knew that the fear in her eyes mirrored in mine as well.

* * *

"…_Mom?" _

_It was blurry, but I could still see her next to my bed. I felt awful and weak, but seeing her reassured me that everything was going to be okay, and also, it had been a long time that I've seen her truly smile. It warmed my heart. _

"I missed you, Mom," I whispered, taking her soft hand, making sure she was truly there.

"Rima," I heard a voice speak softly, a voice that I would recognize even from the numerous ones from my dreams.

I managed to slowly open my feverish eyes and stared up at the person different from the one in my imaginary reality. He did not wear a surprised look since I mistook him from someone else but instead smiled at me kindly, though his eyes were sad. I slowly let go of his hand and closed my eyes, the only sound for a moment was my soft breathing before I heard him kneel down on the floor next to me.

"Were you expecting your mom?" I heard him speak quietly after a while, his tone sounding distant and thoughtful.

"No," I murmured, still keeping my eyes closed, "I found out it's useless to keep hoping or expecting something that isn't going to happen."

"…Does it trouble you?" He asked softly.

"Not anymore," I spoke quietly, "I learned that I have to accept things as they are."

It was true. There was nothing I could do for what I had, except endure it for as long as I could. There was nothing I could do for not telling the rest of the guardians, except endure the consequences of the façade that I was putting up for them. There was nothing I could do for my parents, except endure the pain and suffering that I was causing them. And there was nothing I could do for him….except endure and accept the fact that I've been turning a blind eye to all the trouble I've been causing for both of us all this time.

"You know," he started, his tone becoming a bit lighter, "you had us all worried after Amu told us what had happened."

"Even after I told her not to tell," I spoke softly, feeling a small defeated smile appear on my face.

"Don't be angry at her," he muttered, "she was just really worried, especially after your mother took you to the hospital."

I still didn't have a clear memory of what had happened. I remembered collapsing as we were near my house since I started feeling worse and wasn't able to pretend anymore. After that, it was just blurry flashes. A flash of a worried Amu somehow helping me walk into my house, a flash of being in the car, a flash of a person in white, telling me I was going to be all right, a flash of my mother's face…her face which I felt as if I haven't seen in forever, her face which actually held some of life in her eyes, even if it was pure fear and distress. After I came back from the hospital my recollections of events were clearer. My mom made sure I was resting, instructing me to tell her for anything that I needed. But by then, she had gone back to her previous state, her eyes dead and lifeless, making it unbearable for me to look in them. Amu came by later at night to make sure that I was okay and I put her at ease. I hated seeing her in that troubled state, it frightened me.

"It's okay," I murmured, "I'm causing Amu so much worry and trouble, it's not fair."

"I believe I said this before," he spoke softly, his tone containing a hint of sorrow, "how can any of this possible be your fault?"

I did not respond, instead I just kept my eyes closed. Maybe what was happening wasn't my fault but I still had control over myself, the person that I was. Yesterday I wasn't even able to talk to Nagihiko but right now he was here in my room, talking to me as if nothing had happened between us. He also had control over himself and did everything according to the person that he was. It pierced my heart painfully.

Before I could give this anymore thought, I suddenly felt a cool hand pressed softly on my forehead. I opened my eyes to find him wearing a worried expression on his face.

"Amu said it was just a cold," he spoke in a concerned voice, "but you're feeling awfully warm…"

"The doctor mentioned something about the cold hitting me more severely…" I said softly, noticing his eyes become dull, understanding what I was trying to say.

"I see," he muttered quietly, before slowly removing his hand from my forehead, "you'll just have to get plenty of rest than usual then." He smiled softly at me, his eyes remaining the same.

"Nagihiko," I murmured after a small pause, looking up at him as if I was seeing him for the first time, "Why are you here?" I could not understand it. After that last fight we had, after I had said or almost said horrible things to him, after everything, he was still here, why?

He did not respond to my question immediately, instead he turned his eyes away from me, his expression becoming detached and distant.

"You ask why…" he trailed off with a small chuckle, not fully answering my question. I was not satisfied with that answer.

"But you know what I want, right?" I stared up at the ceiling, noticing how white and blank it really was.

"What I wanted," I spoke softly after he did not reply, trying to keep a steady voice, "No…what I wished for was if I had to have this illness… then I wished to be by myself."

Again, not a word escaped from him; instead he turned his dark eyes on me as a downcast expression hung on his face.

"I would be okay with being alone," I continued quietly and slowly, "You see, before when I was a little girl, I saw being alone as one awful thing that could happen to a person. In school, I was viewed as a cold person. Girls wouldn't want to talk to me or be my friend thinking I was stuck up, boys were boys, confessing puppy love crushes to me but in reality not wanting to actually get to know me. Because of that, instead of crying to myself away from everyone, I decided to be distant and not care about anyone, becoming the person they actually thought I was. I was cold. Being alone was not something that I chose but something that I just had to deal with. It wasn't until I met the guardians that I realized I didn't have to be alone anymore. I finally had friends that liked me for who I was. I never expected that there would be a time in life where I wished it was like grade school, where no one truly liked me and I was alone, when I didn't have anyone to hurt."

"Then you…wouldn't comply," I accused almost in a whisper, already feeling my energy drain and wanted to do nothing more than to close my eyes, but I had to say this now. "You somehow found out when you were not supposed to and made everything harder for me, harder than what it had to be."

"…You could be one of the most selfish persons I have ever met," he finally spoke in a serious tone after a brief moment, as I widened my eyes at him. I was not expecting that response at all.

"Did you know…" he started clearly, "that no one belongs to themselves?" I could only stare up him, not knowing how to react.

"Everyone has ties to many people in this world, some stronger than other," he murmured in a warm tone, his eyes becoming thoughtful as a small smile appeared on his face, "so for you to just cut all of them off like that for just your benefit…I think that's pretty selfish of you, Rima."

I could not get any words out; I could only meet his soft eyes, though I felt anything but warm and content inside. For this person to say that, for him to say such words as that….

I turned my back to him, facing the wall, not wanting him to see my expression. "What should I do then?..." I asked quietly to myself, almost a whisper in a wavering voice. What did I need to do? I felt my heart clench knowing the answer to my own question.

"Do what you need to do," I heard him speak in stern but soft voice, "Do whatever helps you to keep on moving forward."

"Then-" I muttered before he cut me off.

"But, "he continued in a solemn voice, "don't just move your friends forward while you stay behind."

I didn't speak anything in that moment; I knew once I did, I wouldn't be able to stop them from coming out.

"I'm sure they will all notice when you are not there moving along with them, don't cause them more loneliness than what they need do."

It was then that I felt the wall trying to hold them back break down completely and they started falling down my cheeks, without my permission. I couldn't hold them back, which in turn made more fall. I stiffened for a moment when I felt his warm hand on my shoulder while I sniffled, but then relaxed, it felt comforting. I still refused to turn around to face him.

"Amu's very worried for you," I heard him say in sorrowful voice, "Do you think pushing her away will do you both any good? Everyone's worried for you…I'm worried for you."

I knew I caused him trouble too. Even after all the horrible things I had said and done to him, he was still here…but why? I didn't respond to him, instead I let all of my worries and troubles pour out, intensified by my fever. I was glad he didn't speak for a while after that, only his warm hand gently rubbing my shoulder, letting me know that he was still there. He was always there for me, I thought through my tears, no matter what, and I never even said…

* * *

My eyes started to open before I realized I had actually fallen asleep. What had happened? My body still felt achy and feverish though my head wasn't as pounding as it was before. I was still faced to the wall and it wasn't until I noticed the dry tears sprinkled on my cheeks that I remembered that I wasn't alone. I quickly sat up and turned around, becoming dizzy in fast action, but was surprised at what I was saw.

His eyes were closed as his breathing was slow, sitting down on the floor while his head leaned against the mattress of my bed, close to me. He had fallen asleep. I had never seen him look as defenseless as he was right now; it made me a bit uneasy. Still I didn't want to wake him up; I didn't want to trouble him anymore.

Trouble him anymore, trouble Amu anymore, trouble anyone anymore. I wondered how many times a day that type of thought crossed through my head, probably more than enough times for it to be permanently etched there, no longer removable no matter what I did.

But I had to try, no matter what tools I had to use; I had to remove that thought permanently from my mind. He had opened my eyes and made me see clearly that what I was doing to everyone was causing more damage than what I had meant to prevent. Him sleeping uncomfortably in my room late at night instead of sleeping in his cozy bedroom back at his house was the proof of that.

I felt tears start to swell up again in my eyes as I quietly observed him but I quickly wiped them away with my sleeve. No, no more crying for me. I had never cried as much as I had these past few days and I was done with it. I was a big girl. And big girls didn't cry. Or at least not as much as me.

Still I felt my heart tighten as I remember what I had been trying to tell him. I realized that maybe he was right; I couldn't control what was happening to me. But I still had control over my own actions. I was me, Amu was Amu, and he was he, we were all our own person. We all had to bear each other's actions, not matter how sad, funny, happy, or annoying they were. He especially had to bear painful actions from me, and I knew I had to bear some from him as well.

There was a difference though. He was still here. I, on the other hand, was trying to walk away from him. He was determined to stay behind with me, keeping my secret from everyone else while everyone else moved forward. Meanwhile, I was making it even harder on him by pushing him away, troubling him, worrying him, distressing him, all the things that were not okay to do to a person.

My head began to painfully ache again so I laid down back to my bed, this time however, I laid down as close to him as I could without waking him up, his head near mine. Already I felt a bit warmer than when I was facing the wall, he had an aura of peacefulness which I liked. I closed my eyes and felt a hole in my chest about how he would have to keep bearing with my cold actions though they did not have bad intentions. It especially hurt that I wasn't able to tell him this. But I was going to try. Little by little I was going to erase that permanent thought in my head that all I did was trouble for everyone else.

I whispered the words that I've been wanting to tell him this whole time, no matter whether he heard me in his dreams or not.

"I'm sorry, Nagihiko."

* * *

**Thank you everyone for your reviews! they are really helpful! :) again I will try to update asap but I can't exactly promise when =/ I also want to figure the plot+little plots in this story...hehehe. **


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